Mild rant!

enthusiasticsaver

Not sure of this point of this thread though without context

Georgiegirl256

Person_one wrote: »

If only that were an option!

You don't think its rude to ignore your dining companions and be on your phone constantly then? I might start getting a book out, or wearing headphones!

I agree, I think it's extremely rude. My husband does it, his brothers do it, and last time we all went out for a meal together, I looked around the table and the majority of people were on their mobile phone....no doubt uploading what they were eating to faceache or some other social media site!

Unfortunately, it's become the norm, so it's hardly surprising that the majority of teenagers who have grown up not knowing any different are glued to their mobile phones in all social situations. However, going back to when I was 13, I think a mobile phone would be preferable to sitting round having to make convosation with a group of adults!

Don't get me wrong, I'm never without my mobile, and I love my ipad, but I'd like to think that I could leave it alone for at least a few hours whilst I enjoyed a meal out. Never mind all this not ordering certain courses etc, mobiles and the like at dinner tables is the height of rudeness!

As for mixing his own food together, I'm not sure what you mean by that either?

onomatopoeia99

Out,_Vile_Jelly wrote: »

It's technically my "choice" to pick my nose at the table, burp loudly and play a xylophone between courses. I choose not to do these things though, as manners dictate that when you're in certain social situations such as group dining, you pay attention to your eating companions.

If someone I was with chose to do those things, I would leave them to it but wouldn't dine with them again as I said, so everyone would be happy. If they checked facebook on their phone, I wouldn't care (I don't like to talk while I'm eating, I prefer to appreciate the food), though I wouldn't do it myself.

Apparently person_one doesn't have the liberty to choose their dining companions so cannot make that choice. I'm in the apparently fortunate position of only inviting people to dinner whose company I enjoy, whether they use their phones or not.

pigpen

duggo1 wrote: »

Can I just say I'm not a parent, so maybe have unrealistic expectations, but what should a 13 year old be capable of?

Trimming his own fingernails?
Mixing his own food together on his plate?!
Sitting at a restaurant with an adult group without gadgets and join in the conversation?
Making a bed?

So another NON-parent thinking they can parent someone elses child better than their parents...

If it is my 13 y/o you are talking about.. they ARE capable, whether they choose to or not is another matter entirely.. and maybe your 'adult' conversation was boring.


My advice.. mind your own business and bring your own children up as you see fit and don't try to interfere in other peoples families it isn't welcome and far more rude than your converation boring a 13 y/o.

Person_one

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

Apparently person_one doesn't have the liberty to choose their dining companions so cannot make that choice. I'm in the apparently fortunate position of only inviting people to dinner whose company I enjoy, whether they use their phones or not.

So you never have a meal out that includes say, partners/family members/other friends of your friends, work colleagues you aren't close to, in-laws, people who belong to the same group as you (volunteers/hobbies etc) but who you aren't especially friends with?

sheramber

Do you know he can do these but chooses not to?

There may a reason he doesn't do them. e.g He may dexterity problems.

Why do you feel the need to rant about it?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Mobile phones can be a welcome relief from sitting there with nothing to add to the conversation. I spent plenty of wasted afternoons and evenings in agonising 'family' or 'social' meals, slowly dying inside as the in laws picked on the waiting staff, competed with each other as to who could have the most ridiculous story of what immigrants are supposed to have done to a friend of a friend's cousin's auntie, talked about their experiences of racing cars and boats when their only real experience was getting themselves stranded in the middle of Battersea Park Boating Pond, or how a cocaine fuelled media bint airily declared how amazingly well and advanced her 5 year old was, but looked horrified when asked which reading scheme her kid was using at school, as she didn't have a clue. Oh yes, and there was the prospect of getting on the wrong side of the now ex if I breathed incorrectly or asked for water when he had decided it was more appropriate to drink wine, dropped a fork or had painted my nails too dark a shade of pale pink, so had embarrassed him. And no, refusing to go wouldn't have been acceptable, I was required to show up, as long as I didn't speak, eat, drink or think, lest somebody should disapprove. Obviously, that sort of undercurrent didn't make my personality any more sparkling, as 'oh, of course, I'm having a wonderful time - and this sounds so interesting, do go on' is quite hard to do when the trip there began with orders to go, threats of what would happen otherwise, threats of what could happen and then a tense car journey, not daring to say a word.




The OH detests social occasions. He's had slightly less fraught ones, but has still had to pretend everything is fine for appearances' sake when it certainly wasn't. But, sometimes, he will come along with me - he is far less anxious if he can zone out on his phone when the conversation moves away from stuff he can contribute to or people around him are not actually speaking to him in the first place, rather than have to try and make conversation all the time. And it means I can pootle about chatting to various other people without being concerned about keeping him company; I can just check in on him from time to time, he's fairly relaxed, I'm relaxed and nobody seems to have taken umbrage at him making the effort to be there, but not feeling able to participate a great deal.


I'd love to be able to respond honestly to somebody confronting me about using my phone - the conversation (in my head) goes probably in a rather similar manner to the teenagers;

'Oh, sorry, are we boring you?'

'Well, as you've not said a single word in my direction for the last half hour that you've been discussing your holiday homes and fancy new cars, I didn't realise you could still see me. And yes, yes that does make you very boring - however, rather than audibly draw attention to your rudeness by making pointed comments about your behaviour, I chose the less obnoxious route of sitting here quietly with my phone to allow you to carry on your tedious consumerist oneupmanship undisturbed'.


I'd also find it immensely stressful if I thought that other people were observing and judging me on the way I ate any food in public. Again, as do quite a lot of people with EDs - or those who have been roundly told off for eating too fast/too slow/not chopping everything up into a mush/not cutting food up enough/eating the wrong thing, etc.


TL;DR Leave the kid alone. They probably didn't want to be there in the first place and knew full well they were being observed and inwardly criticised, so tried to pretend it wasn't happening rather than cause a scene.

Person_one

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

'Oh, sorry, are we boring you?'

'Well, as you've not said a single word in my direction for the last half hour that you've been discussing your holiday homes and fancy new cars, I didn't realise you could still see me. And yes, yes that does make you very boring - however, rather than audibly draw attention to your rudeness by making pointed comments about your behaviour, I chose the less obnoxious route of sitting here quietly with my phone to allow you to carry on your tedious consumerist oneupmanship undisturbed'.

Two rudes don't make a polite.

duchy

duggo1 wrote: »

Can I just say I'm not a parent, so maybe have unrealistic expectations, but what should a 13 year old be capable of?

Trimming his own fingernails?
Mixing his own food together on his plate?!
Sitting at a restaurant with an adult group without gadgets and join in the conversation?
Making a bed?

As you are not the parent a- why do you need to know and what difference does it make to your life ?

Context is always useful.

seven-day-weekend

Yes the 13-year-old probably is capable, but probably doesn't do these things.

I do think he should be able to sit round a table without a 'gadget' however. Why not try joining in with the adult conversation? Even if it's asking questions?