large booking at restaurant- how to split the bill?

Person_one

Jagraf wrote: »

If I thought people were strapped or cash (as I have been down to my last tenner) I would go for coffee instead.

I've done it loads in the past - if I can't afford at least £10 more than I would pay for my own food, I would meet up for coffee at the end, or another time.

What if its an occasion such as a birthday/promotion/graduation etc. The meal is going to happen whether you're there or not, you aren't involved in organising it, you're just invited to join in.

If you were the one having the birthday/graduation/whatever, would you honestly prefer that your friend didn't come because if they did they'd only be able to pay for what they ate rather than paying a share of what everybody had?

seven-day-weekend

I would only expect them (and everyone else) to pay for what they ate, plus a bit for a tip. But I would want them to have what they would like, and not just automatically chose the cheapest thing on the menu. I would pay the difference if necessary.

If it was a set price, and more than they could afford, then I would pay the extra or them.

What I definitely wouldn't want is them coming and then not eating what they would like. I don't think they would want that either. I wouldn't if it was me.

Of course the obvious thing to this dilemma is to go somewhere that they CAN afford (or to pay for them if they can't afford anywhere).

I have done this for people on numerous occasions.

I am of course, referring to good friends and family here, not strangers or work colleagues. It wouldn't bother me whether they came or not. (Although, tbh, in this scenario it would probably be me that didn't go).

bugslet

Pastures, don't go out with Loanranger:D

Jagraf wrote: »

If I thought people were strapped or cash (as I have been down to my last tenner) I would go for coffee instead.

I've done it loads in the past - if I can't afford at least £10 more than I would pay for my own food, I would meet up for coffee at the end, or another time.

yep, that works fine for us, friends or supperclub. if you don't like coffee, have tea, orange juice, whatev. Come for pleasure of seeing people you like.

enthusiasticsaver

FBaby wrote: »

You'd think so, but it's amazing how people throw the accusation of being tight into it when you suggest it, if not directly to your face, in other ways.

Saying that, it goes both ways. If we go out with OH's parents or mine (they are both as bad as each other), we always end up with the battle of who pays. If we go with the kids, we don't think it is right they should pay for everyone or even split, we either want to pay our share or invite them, but each time it is the same issue, they want to pay for everyone. It is so awkward when you have a lovely meal and you really don't want to argue. It got to the point when the second deserts are ordered, one person is already up to go and pay the bill before the other has the chance to get there first. OH and his dad once had a battle of cards in front of the guy who just didn't know which one to take and that went on for about 5 mns!

I know they do it because they want to, but each time it ends with 'ok, next time we pay', it's all forgotten next time and the battle starts again! It's actually more stressful then going out for a meal with people who want to split the bill when you are the one losing out!

It depends on financial position as to who pays in family meals out with us. We are in a much healthier financial situation than either of our daughters so we almost always pay but then we invite them and my son in law and granddaughter out as we know money is tighter being they have mortgages to pay and childcare costs etc whereas our expenses are low now. Maybe your parents feel the same? If any of our DC want to treat us as a thank you for something we have done or present for birthday or Mother's Day etc obviously we let them pay.

You may be the same with your kids when they are grown up. My mum always pays for us when we go out although we could well afford to pay. It is easier to go with it and just accept gracefully I think.

Jagraf

Person_one wrote: »

What if its an occasion such as a birthday/promotion/graduation etc. The meal is going to happen whether you're there or not, you aren't involved in organising it, you're just invited to join in.

If you were the one having the birthday/graduation/whatever, would you honestly prefer that your friend didn't come because if they did they'd only be able to pay for what they ate rather than paying a share of what everybody had?

From a personal perspective if I was going to an occasion, I would make a calculated guess at what the cost would be, divvied up by number of guests. I have in the past turned down occasions because I simply couldn't afford to go based on this calculation (even if I cound afford my particular meal).

If I was inviting a friend to something or putting on a party I hope I would be experienced enough at being skint to ensure there was little cost for everyone. I know how stressful it can be.

I wouldn't want a friend to spend their last tenner on me in the first place.

pigpen

PasturesNew wrote: »

OK - so, what if we now decide we're having such great fun we'll all meet up this coming Friday night at the local Wetherspoons.

How will we split the bill?
!

I'll come.. by myself.. order and eat whatever I want after inspecting the kitchen.. and if you touch my food I will break your arms.. and I promise not to touch yours. I only drink hot chocolate or lemonade so I'm a cheap date anyway.

We can put it on my card and just give me the cash for what you eat.

Am I still invited?

enthusiasticsaver

We went out for lunch with two other couples on Saturday and just split bill and tip three ways. We all shared starters though and had main meal, dessert, coffees and three bottles of wine between us. Simples but then we are probably all in similar financial positions and lucky enough not to worry too much. When we invite our DDs and SIL out we pay as we are not watching every penny and they are. They will be the same with their kids one day.

fed_up_and_stressed

pigpen wrote: »

No.. how difficult is that to comprehend?? .. MY food is on MY plate.. NOONE touches it.. they can have my leftovers (HAHAHA as IF!!)

I have a saying ..touch my food feel my fork. :rotfl::rotfl:

Pollycat

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

We went out for lunch with two other couples on Saturday and just split bill and tip three ways. We all shared starters though and had main meal, dessert, coffees and three bottles of wine between us. Simples but then we are probably all in similar financial positions and lucky enough not to worry too much. When we invite our DDs and SIL out we pay as we are not watching every penny and they are. They will be the same with their kids one day.

And that makes perfect sense to me.
It would have been silly (imho) for you to start saying 'Well, my main course was £1 cheaper than yours and I only had 3 glasses of wine and you had 4'.

That approach - again imho - doesn't work when there's someone there who isn't eating and drinking as much as the other diners, be it because they can't afford it or are driving.

I would not feel at all comfortable if a Mum with 2 kids was asked to pay three times as much as me because almost certainly they wouldn't have incurred that much share of the bill.

Jagraf

Pollycat wrote: »

And that makes perfect sense to me.
It would have been silly (imho) for you to start saying 'Well, my main course was £1 cheaper than yours and I only had 3 glasses of wine and you had 4'.

That approach - again imho - doesn't work when there's someone there who isn't eating and drinking as much as the other diners, be it because they can't afford it or are driving.

I would not feel at all comfortable if a Mum with 2 kids was asked to pay three times as much as me because almost certainly they wouldn't have incurred that much share of the bill.

in the past, for many years we went camping for a week with some friends of ours (bones too stiff now to lie on the floor). There were three families - all with different numbers of kids, some adults drank, some didn't eat meat, etc. We split the shopping bill three ways at the supermarket before we left - including washing up liquid, loo roles, gas etc. it never occurred to me who had more food / drank more beer/ ate more. How would you manage this scenario?