My sons problem with borrowing, gambling etc has ruined our credit history.

diamonds

1) If you suspect mental health tell his Dr, Dr cant discuss his file details at a appointment but anyone can disclose health concerns to a persons GP and you should tell the GP everything, seems quite bipolar/mania from what I read.

2) I share all my initials with a family member, not a problem as both have great credit files but I was failing checks on security due to DOB being inconsistent - I manually had to contact all the Credit Reference Agencies and separate the accounts info held on file.


3) Treat 1 as priority not 2

makeyourdaddyproud

Where you ever a guarantor for any of his borrowing? Once you start doing this it's not difficult to see why your credit score is affected as in effect the debt is yours in the event of default.

caverncity

makeyourdaddyproud wrote: »

Where you ever a guarantor for any of his borrowing? Once you start doing this it's not difficult to see why your credit score is affected as in effect the debt is yours in the event of default.

Nope never and never will. Not sure if I have mentioned it above but my electoral details are showing on all his CRA reports. He isnt on the electoral role in my house and never has been. It states hes been on it since 1994, he was born in 1995. This house we are in now, it states since he was 8 years old, even showing the price he paid, well he didnt I did as at 8 years old too young to be buying houses and be on the electoral role. I actually mentioned this to equifax and they said it was correct. I have also found that a Virgin Media account I had and recently closed has appeared on his report. The annoying thing is I have his 41 searches all in my D.O.B on my report and its a slow and hard process removing them as the DOB is correct for me.

caverncity

Just an update as now in a huge predicament. I have just found out there are approx 75 searches on my credit search all using my DOB. There is also a QuickQuid loan again in my DOB which I never took out. I have added a CIFAS but as there are applications for loans using my details I now have four fruad markers from CIFAS one being code 0 which is the one I added the others code 2 for my details being used. I do expect more. Also my OH and daughter have approx 25 searches each using their DOB. Again I expect more on the next month's check. I have received two letters with regards to loan applications using my details that where stopped. My predicament is I know who it is and just don't know what to do about reporting it to the police or action fraud. I need a crime number to prove it isn't me but means shopping my son.

Gaz83

caverncity wrote: »

I need a crime number to prove it isn't me but means shopping my son.

That's the unfortunate dilemma you have to answer.

You either shop your son, or implicitly accept that these searches have been done by yourself.

I don't envy you.

caverncity

I could ignore it and implicate myself in his fraud for not reporting it. I could ignore the searches, ignore the defaults for any loans he has managed to take out in my name and ignore the fraud markers. I expect many more to come, I expect more letters, possibly CCJ's, bailiffs and even the police but if I dont shop him that puts me in the same place as he will be, left with nothing. I have heard the horror stories of having a CIFAS and that could leave me with a financial headache of my own which at the moment I dont have, only my sons hanging over me, well apart from the quickquid one which I have reported to them as fraud and waiting a call back.
I even have to report equifax and my local council to the ICO for data breach. Its one huge headache.
A lot of people say tough love, yeah, its tough very tough. It actually feels like our future is on the flip of a coin.
Oh he has actually admitted all of this, he said he was desperate and needed the money to pay a loan off, I suspect either a loan shark or a drug dealer. He said he knows what he has done is wrong and he is a low life but he needed it.

pickledonionspaceraider

OP you have nothing to feel guilty about, NOTHING

I do not know why you are second guessing yourself as to the right thing to do here, you know what the right thing to do is

If you leave things as they are, you are going to have hassle, as you say, baliffs, ccj, and who is to stop him from doing this all again in the future anyway as there have been no consequences for him to face - all the consequences for him to face will have been dealt with by you.

You cannot protect him from the real world forever, and if you intend to put his happiness above your own then you are setting a rod for your own back with him doing this to you over and again

do not owe him anything, after they have grown up your kids cannot expect for you to keep bailling them out and saving them from bad descisions. tough love IS hard, and when it is family there is guilt which can eat you alive

However if you dont go down the path of tough love, you are enabling him and merely delaying the inevitable time where he will be forced to take responsibility for his actions. that time will come, be it NOW, or in five years (when he has put the rest of the family through several more episodes of stress etc)

maybe it is time you put yourself and the rest of the family first, but dont get me wrong i know this will be very difficult with the guilt and the worry you will feel for him, but count my words, if it is left it will be harder in the future

Rosemary7391

OP, what's best for your son? It looks like he isn't going to, maybe isn't able to face up to his problems without being forced. That'll happen either when he has exhausted all avenues for obtaining credit in his and your names, or when he is facing action for fraud. The difference is in the former case you've nothing left, and are in a mess yourselves. In the latter case you can offer him a bit of stability, and you'll be less resentful too.

Another thing to consider - is it fair to protect your son at the expense of your daughter, when she has done nothing wrong? As it seems she is now being caught up in this as well.

chuckley

So now your son is coming across stumbling blocks through your CIFAS markers, he's turned to ruining your daughters file by fraud.

when is enough going to be enough for you? Going after your parents is one thing but dragging your daughter into this, shows he'll stop at nothing to get what he wants.

It will only get worse for all concerned if you leave it.

older_sadder_and_wiser

Hi,

I haven't posted here for a very long time, but reading the ordeal you have been going through prompted me to respond, as a very similar situation arose in my own family, a situation that was only recently resolved.

I think it is extremely clear to all that have read your story, that you are an extremely loving parent, trying their very best to help your child (they might be 21, but they will always be your child).

From what happened in my own family, I predict that sooner or later your son is going to hit rock bottom. The only thing for you to decide is whether you are going to let him take you, your wife and possibly his sister, with him.

In our family, I have an aunt, who was widowed. Her son become involved with drugs, petty crime, fraud etc. At this time he was a similar age to your son. My aunt continually gave him money that she couldn't afford. When that wasn't enough, he stole from her, and then she borrowed to try and help him, despite the rest of the family begging her to stop.

My aunt had to sell her house and move somewhere smaller, and take on a mortgage.Eventually, she could no longer borrow - her credit was ruined, she was in debt up to her neck, and the son was still in the same situation as before, in fact deeper than before. Some short term prison time came next, and then more petty crime.

We had the 'drug dealers are going to hurt me', and all the other threats. However this time there was no money left and he hit bottom.

And then he bounced back. He managed after a while to wean himself off the drugs, got a few jobs, and then managed keep down a job, get a girlfriend who wouldn't take his rubbish. He actually built a life, and he is now starting to get somewhere. He recently passed his driving test and bought a car.

The Aunt, however, was not so lucky. The unsustainable debt meant that she would lose the house, and become homeless. She was in debt up to her eyeballs, and about to go under.

Putting off the day of reckoning, cost him 5 years of his life, and my Aunt every penny she had, and quite a lot that she didn't.

In the end, with some help from the rest of the family, and some support from a sympathetic Housing Association and equity release scheme, she will be able to remain in the house. There won't be any luxuries for quite some time though. The latter years of her life will be punctuated by thrift, economy, and hoping to god that the washing machine never breaks down.

I do appreciate that it is right to be concerned that your son my harm himself, but whatever you do, hitting rock bottom is something that is going to happen - it is just a matter of time.

The sooner it happens, the sooner he can start to rebuild his life, or are you going to put it off for another few years, or five years, or ten years.

It's like the old saying goes - if you don't change where you're heading, then that's where you'll end up.

Of course it's incredibly easy to dispense advice from afar, especially when it's not your child. I have been very lucky with my children (so far) and I give thanks for it every day.

I think you know deep down what must be done, but you don't want to do it. I hope I would have the strength if I were in your shoes, though I suspect I would struggle too.

I send all my best wishes to you and your family, and I hope that you get through this very difficult time.

M.