My sons problem with borrowing, gambling etc has ruined our credit history.

chuckley

This all sounds like there's a chunck missing... someone/many peopla re funding him through all of this, especially as you say you've only been made aware once it's all come to a head.

How much is he applying for in your name?

if the debts are in his name and he's no longer at your address, I struggle to understand how exactly this affects your finances?

Whatever the situation with him though, someone is enabling him and until that stops, he'll continue as he knows he can get away with anything with no consequences, as he knows you're all there to pick up the pieces.

He needs a shock.

CKhalvashi

chuckley wrote: »

if the debts are in his name and he's no longer at your address, I struggle to understand how exactly this affects your finances?

Same name, different DoB it seems.

It looks quite likely that the CRA files have been mixed somewhere along the line.

He needs a shock.

Agreed.

Would giving him 28 days to leave (assuming he's staying at yours) and helping him with housing (not financial, but taking him down to see the local district council) work?

pickledonionspaceraider

I do not know about the financial side of things Op, but it does sound as if you are in a great deal of emotional pain with your son

In this situation it is a toughie, and I am never convinced that tough love is the best way with mental health issues. U cannot snap someone out of mental health issues by making them homeless etc (although I am unsure if your son lives with you or not)

Living with you or not, it can be emotionally draining living with a 'grown up' child that has these issues. It sounds to me as if you need counselling yourself to come to terms with what is happening to your family and how you can deal with it. This has been going ona long time and you seem like you need professional help and tbh you sound so conflicted like one minute you sound resentful and the next minute you seem desperately sorry for him.

You do need to know that as parents, we do the best we can for our kids at the time. as an adult you cannot be responsible for his life choices nor should you feel guilty for the way he choses to live his life. If it is not the way you chose to live yours, then so be it, he is an ADULT and is entitled to chose the way he lives, but he is not doing it to hurt you, he is doing it because it is his choice

So he had a bike accident and lost two grandparents in a year, that does sounds horrendous, but eight years later, he really does need to look into moving on and not dragging his past into his future.

You can only support your son where he will ALLOW YOU TO DO SO, you cannot force him to sign on, or get a job, or do anything, you can only advise him what may be the best course of action, but then as a fellow adult stand back and hope he takes the advice and gets himself down the job centre. If he does not , it is not your responsibility and you should not have to financially help him because he cannot or will not show motivation to do it himself

It does sound like your son may need to visit his GP and get on meds etc and he needs to know that he is NOT the only person in the world with mental health issues and be told the truth of it that he really does need to stop this pity party that he is ruining the early part of his life with , but again, you cannot make him do anything, as an adult you cannot force help upon him

There are many highly functioning people in high power jobs with mental health issues that have learned coping strategies and take responsibility for their conditions (take medications regularly etc) and these people can live regular lives

At the end of the day, most of us need to be part of the rat race to survive, either get a job or sign on , and get over this bohemian idea of not being part of society as a bigger picture.

Sorry for the rant, i just want you to know really that you are not alone, and other parents of ''adult children' early 20s are going through similar things and there are no clear cut answers

it can be the most stressful and frustrating thing you will ever go through, watching the child you have cherished turn into a person that you do not recognise and the gut wrenching fear is intolerable to bear. It is like watching your sons life , as in watching a car crash, you can see what is likely to happen, but there is not a damn thing you can do about it, despite screaming ''hit the brakes'' you are not the one in the driving seat

i realise that none of this answers your question though I am sorry i dont know

pathtofreedom

I have had similar problems in the past with my record getting mixed up with a family member. Luckily it was nothing extreme like your son is doing, but it is a pain to sort out. Equifax were the hardest to sort out, but you just have to keep complaining until they add the CIFAS note. A couple of years ago a least I was told their systems aren't clever enough to stop this happening, which is why I ended up with this note :- "IF YOU'RE SEARCHING UNDER THE NAME OF xxxx (DOB xxx) FOR CREDIT PURPOSES, PLEASE BE AWARE THAT THERE'S A LINKED ADDRESS RECORD ON THIS REPORT WHICH IS NOT CONNECTED TO xxxx. THE LINKED ADDRESS IS xxxx. BECAUSE OF SYSTEM LIMITATIONS, WE CAN'T REMOVE THIS INFORMATION AT THEMOMENT.'

What happened with mine was when my dad died, I ended up link to all his file and mortgage which took weeks of phone calls to convince them it was wrong. That and when the family member with the same name as me does searches, they often end up on my reports so I have to keep getting those removed, even though it is a different address and dob.

I think the biggest problem you'll have if he is using your name AND dob is he's committing fraud. So each time that happens you'll have to report it as fraud, which might lead to bad consequences for him obviously, but there comes a time where people just have to hit their rock bottom to change their behaviour. His mum might not like you doing this either, but really it sounds like some tough love is needed just to get him the help he needs for gambling and other problems.

Letting him carry this on isn't doing him any favours really either as it will catch up with him eventually. Could you do some sort of intervention, you could talk to a local gamblers anonymous group who might be able to help you with how to approach this. Obviously you can only lead him to the help he needs, so support groups and a trip to the doctors maybe, he will have to be in the right frame of mind to start doing the work to make the changes for the better.

Voyager2002

caverncity wrote: »

Thankyou for the info but im fuming at the moment which is rare, hands still shaking due to being on the phone to equifax and not getting through to them that the letter I sent to clearscore with a password and NOC plus disassociation they have added to my sons credit history on his recent £2 statutory equifax account and not mine. I just couldnt get through to them that there is two accounts and my son can now see the letter I sent and the password I set up. They where referring to me as both people, the account holder my son and the person who sent the letter if you understand that, telling me thanks we have received the letter I sent to clearscore and added it to my equifax account, well my sons account. I spoke to two people and they just couldnt get their heads around it. Basically they got a bit confused and kept saying they have received the letter and added it and couldnt answer why they have added it to the very person I didnt want to see it. I guess this a serious breach of the data protection act?? This is just crazy and all down to same names. I know its not their fault (I think) its my sons but someone isnt doing their job properly.

These agencies are in clear breach of the law about Data Protection. I think you need to contact the Office of the Information Commissioner, the government body responsible for making them obey the law.

PaulW922

I agree with the above comments about getting a CIFAS warning against yours and your wife names. You must do that asap. It will stop the 'automated' approvals going through against your name. I personally would go straight to Equifax, Experian and Call Credit rather than a third party like Clearscore. The agency themselves can be very helpful in telling you what to do although they themselves will not remove inaccurate information, as the current view is that the data is owned by the lender. It may be best to put your request to them in writing as clearly there has been confusion (or a lack of interest) on the phone.

You will also need to get the financial associations removed between you. Living at the same address is insufficient for a link - you need some kind of joint financial responsibility such as a card, loan or current account. Facilities opened fraudulently in your name are obviously an issue for you but if you can establish the account is not yours the ink should not be there either.

I think you need to calm down, take stock and work through this methodically. If you get nowhere try asking either a debt charity or the CAB for advise.

Finally - do not admit, even in conversation to assuming now or in the past, any responsibility for your sons debts and do not agree to pay anything. Equally, please do not ignore any court papers that turn up. People often do that and end up with a bailiff at the door because judgement has been obtained in default.

In the event you do end up with a court bailiff at the door remember that you and your wife are now responsible for your sons debts. They cannot come in and take your stuff just because your son lives at your address.

mwarby

PaulW922 wrote: »

In the event you do end up with a court bailiff at the door remember that you and your wife are now responsible for your sons debts. They cannot come in and take your stuff just because your son lives at your address.

I think there is a typo here, you and your wife are NOT responsible for your sons debts, not are now

TBagpuss

I agre that you need to make formal complaints, in writing to the credit aencies. I would suggest that you put something on the top of each letter (possibly each page of the letter!) saying something like "this relates to the file of [NAME] with DOB [DATE]. It does NOT relate to, and must not be added to the file of, [NAME] with DOB [DATE]"

I also think that you do need to make very clear to you son that you will be reporting, as fraud, any attempts on his part to use your details or to obtain credit in your name. You may need to follow though for him to believe you.

Although it sounds from what you say that he has had some difficult times, it may be that he needs to feel some consequences for his actions in order to start to make any change.

caverncity

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

It is like watching your sons life , as in watching a car crash, you can see what is likely to happen, but there is not a damn thing you can do about it, despite screaming ''hit the brakes'' you are not the one in the driving seat

Sorry about the late reply, I subscribed to my post but I stopped getting emails so assumed no replies and just went on my PC and decided to have a peek.

With reference to the above post from pickledonionspaceraider that is exactly what I said to his mum. I have also said many times that this is not the middle or the end, this is just the start of it even though its been going on for years. We have to accept it that one day pretty soon there will be knocks at the door from either agents or bailiffs. What bothers me is my car getting clamped as they may think its his as same name but I think I read somewhere they cant clamp if its on my land?
Even if he got a CCJ I guess it will go against him as a default as he just wont go to court or explain his situation. He has done a flit at the moment saying hes helping a friend out and asking his mum to drop clothes off at some house to be picked up, we think hes laying low, just hiding from the problem he's created or hiding from me as his mum told him via text there is 41 searches on my credit history from him with my DOB, well 40, one is a different day & month and it can be seen as fraud. He said he hasnt used my DOB, if he hasnt how can searches show from him with my DOB.
I am currently adding NOC's to my file but after finding out equifax added it to my sons including my password I am still fuming over it and will be contacting the ICO.
I am also going to do a things to do in order list for him , the first being he goes the doctors, admits he has a problem with gambling and drugs and get to see a specialist and go on some sort of meds. Then go to the dole, tell them about his problem and see what they say, I guess they will put him on the sick. Then go to the CAB office and ask about a DRO as there is no way he can pay these debts off. I read up about the debt relief order and was surprised, shocked in fact that he will still be allowed to apply for loans under £500 without informing the lender about the DRO. Its the under £500 loans that the issue here, the pay day loans for £100, £200, £300 etc etc so im not sure if that will work but can only try. I also need to see a solicitor using the free 20 mins and see if there is any way I can aproach the CRA about sorting out the mixed history and also the breach of data.

pickledonionspaceraider

let us know how you get on mate. it is great you are doing him an action list - i hope he sticks to it.

the frustrating thing is, and you know it, you could be banging your head against a brick wall here if he does not