Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

mellymoo74

MU no you shouldn't be claiming as a couple

Continue ad you are SWAIN doesn't stay with you, you stay with him and it's not every night.
Xxx

Torry_Quine

Got his ashes today so he's home but its not him as hes gone. The last few days I've hardly slept and I keep going over that last day. I'm sure I missed something and should have got help.. I feel so guilty.

calleyw

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Got his ashes today so he's home but its not him as hes gone. The last few days I've hardly slept and I keep going over that last day. I'm sure I missed something and should have got help.. I feel so guilty.

Torry,

Massive hug. Please don't do this to yourself. I did the same when my ex husband had a stroke and that was 12 years ago. I thought If only I had taken to him hospital a week before. I still feel a little bit guilty about it now. And it does no one any good.

But I can't change things and I know he does not blame me. Who in the world could go oh yes foot pain, oh yes you are going to have a stroke. His own GP's had no idea. As only 5000 a year get the condition that caused the stroke.

As I said before counseling may help. Its not about finding answers but talking through you thoughts and feelings.

I am 100% sure that you husband would never blame you. And would be upset to know that you are blaming yourself.

Please be kind to yourself

Yours

Calley X

Torry_Quine

calleyw wrote: »

Torry,

Massive hug. Please don't do this to yourself. I did the same when my ex husband had a stroke and that was 12 years ago. I thought If only I had taken to him hospital a week before. I still feel a little bit guilty about it now. And it does no one any good.

But I can't change things and I know he does not blame me. Who in the world could go oh yes foot pain, oh yes you are going to have a stroke. His own GP's had no idea. As only 5000 a year get the condition that caused the stroke.

As I said before counseling may help. Its not about finding answers but talking through you thoughts and feelings.

I am 100% sure that you husband would never blame you. And would be upset to know that you are blaming yourself.

Please be kind to yourself

Yours

Calley X

None of it makes sense and I'm looking for answers but there aren't any. Why did he leave me to struggle. I'm seeing the counsellor again on Friday and my GP tomorrow. I just want to sleep and not wake up until I can have my life back. At least I'm getting some cat cuddles.

whitewing

MU,

I absolutely love you... in a kind, friendly way I grinned when you said that you hadn't felt so paranoid since you thought that old people were spying on you for the government. That has to be my favourite quote of the thread because I was not expecting it at all!
The old folk I know are either off doing parachute jumps for charity or are moaning about their various ailments so none of them would have time for spying.

Hope you get the paperwork sorted. Don't worry. Get someone to help you with it. Swain's mum?

whitewing

Torry,

Please don't blame yourself. I am sure you did everything that you could have done.

Glad the cat is providing warmth and comfort.

I wish I could say something that would help. Take care, and we are thinking of you.

jobbingmusician

Torry - enormous hugs. You have nothing to feel guilty for - what was to be was not to be changed. Feeling guilt and anger is part of the grieving process. It will take time, but you will gradually heal, and be able to dip into the golden memories in your heart without this awful pain, and even with memories of joy. All our love is with you from this thread. I wish I could give you a real hug and just have a cry with you. I really feel for you xxxx

calleyw

Torry_Quine wrote: »

None of it makes sense and I'm looking for answers but there aren't any. Why did he leave me to struggle. I'm seeing the counsellor again on Friday and my GP tomorrow. I just want to sleep and not wake up until I can have my life back. At least I'm getting some cat cuddles.

Torry,

Sadly some times thing don't make sense and you never get any answers.

I am sure he did not mean you to leave you struggle. And don't forget that its still very raw. Its now that you need friends more than any other time. As the funeral has been and gone and now you have more spare time to think about things.

I am not sure how long you were together. But you have to take time to grieve. And it take as long as it does. Try not to cut yourself off from friends and family. Some people are scared to offer help as they don't want to intrude on your grief.

I wish you some sleep for this evening Torry.

Please be kind to yourself.

Yours

Calley X

Torry_Quine

calleyw wrote: »

Torry,

Sadly some times thing don't make sense and you never get any answers.

I am sure he did not mean you to leave you struggle. And don't forget that its still very raw. Its now that you need friends more than any other time. As the funeral has been and gone and now you have more spare time to think about things.

I am not sure how long you were together. But you have to take time to grieve. And it take as long as it does. Try not to cut yourself off from friends and family. Some people are scared to offer help as they don't want to intrude on your grief.

I wish you some sleep for this evening Torry.

Please be kind to yourself.

Yours

Calley X

Valentine's Day this year was our 31st wedding anniversary. It's a long time and we did most things together so it's hard to think as an individual after so long. My GP is at 10 tomorrow so I should try and get some sleep soon.


Thanks everyone for your kind words, it is good to know I have somewhere safe to sound off.

calleyw

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Valentine's Day this year was our 31st wedding anniversary. It's a long time and we did most things together so it's hard to think as an individual after so long. My GP is at 10 tomorrow so I should try and get some sleep soon.


Thanks everyone for your kind words, it is good to know I have somewhere safe to sound off.

Torry,

That is a long time. Thats nice you did so much together. But couples do need to have their own friends and interests out side of the relationship. As it can be such a shock when you are left on your own

I spent 4 years on my own so not too much of an issue for me. Its like when AM goes away for the weekend. This will sound strange but I do and don't miss him at the same time.

I see you found a thread on the forum I was going to suggest Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it.

I hope you don't think I am stalking you. I was going to suggest it last night. But only thought to search for it this morning for you.And saw you have already joined.It will take time to adjust to being on your own. Hard when you are use to another body in the bed. Or someone to talk to at any time of the night or day.Take it slow, Be kind to yourself at all times. This might sound a strange. But would a body pillow or a big teddy bear help to sleep with. As it fills the bed. Not the same as a person. But gives you something to snuggle up to at night.

Hope it all goes well at the GP.

Take Care

yours

Calley X