Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

calleyw

whitewing wrote: »

The other day littlewing was very tired at the end of a lovely day. She came for a cuddle, burst into tears and wailed, "nobody loves me anymore". She was so cute. Happily, the tears soon dried up.

Awww WW she is too young to think like that.

I feel like that nearly everyday. Just wish I could stop myself for thinking that I am fat, ugly, useless, worthless, unloveable.

Oh well all my own fault by involved with someone I never should have done. They were messed up and in turn helped mess me up.

Yours

Calley

elsien

I'm that opposite on the bed front at the moment, Calley. Tired, all set for a lie in and I was wide awake at 6 am to my disgust.

Did you think any more about part time or voluntary work - I seem to remember you mentioning it a while back. Just wondered if so wrong to get up for might help a little?

My day has involved getting cross with Gitdog because we went somewhere new and he was a complete pillock. Still, the resulting workout is cheaper than the gym I guess.

calleyw

elsien wrote: »

I'm that opposite on the bed front at the moment, Calley. Tired, all set for a lie in and I was wide awake at 6 am to my disgust.

Did you think any more about part time or voluntary work - I seem to remember you mentioning it a while back. Just wondered if so wrong to get up for might help a little?

My day has involved getting cross with Gitdog because we went somewhere new and he was a complete pillock. Still, the resulting workout is cheaper than the gym I guess.

I just can't face it. I have a few days up to a week really good and then I dropped massively. So not fair to be doing anything at the moment.

Moneywise I am doing okish as long as nothing major goes wrong. As living off the £300 a month from my lodger. I just seem to be losing the will to deal with people.

Just had some very sad news Penguin about death just had a phone call from my mum to tell me my brothers partner dad died yesterday. And the wedding is not until the 19th. So a funeral to attend but no idea about the wedding. Penguin end

Glad you can laugh about gitdog. Bet you will ache in the morning. So have a nice warm bath tonight.

Yours

Calley

Torry_Quine

(((((((Calley))))))

whitewing

Would you want to see him? Would you even have the choice to see him? Funeral?

Real life doesn't tend to have fairytale endings but some form of ritualised acknowledgement may bring some peace.

Sorry for the news anyway. It can't have been a great phonecall anyway. No one can tell you what you 'should' be feeling. You obviously are processing the news or you wouldn't be posting. Whatever you do or don't do is an appropriate reaction if it feels right to you.

calley, littlewing doesn't feel unloved really - she evens looks around the room when she is upset so she can 'want' whoever is not currently there - it is her way of showing that her feelings are overwhelming her. I was fascinated by the 'anymore' because I thought she obviously had felt loved. I know most people would be able to take that for granted but I can remember not feeling loved around her age (as I can remember that feeling going to the same school as her).

Torry_Quine

((((((((Fly baby)))) That's hard and whatever you decide we are here for you.

calleyw

whitewing wrote: »

calley, littlewing doesn't feel unloved really - she evens looks around the room when she is upset so she can 'want' whoever is not currently there - it is her way of showing that her feelings are overwhelming her. I was fascinated by the 'anymore' because I thought she obviously had felt loved. I know most people would be able to take that for granted but I can remember not feeling loved around her age (as I can remember that feeling going to the same school as her).

I guess we all have days when we think or feel like that even when we know its not true. And I hope for one minute you did not think I thought you did not love her.

When I was with my husband I don't think I ever had a day when I felt unwanted or loved. Even after the stroke.

But now it seems to be almost a daily way of thinking like that for me. I think its partly because I can't seem to find a decent bloke who I like and likes me and wants a relationship. Makes me just feel like no one wants me.

I don't mind spending time on my own. Happy most of the time. Lodger is hardly here so allows me free reign of my own house LOL!!! But would just love to have someone to share a intimate relationship with. Who wants me to be part of there life and let me help and support them.

But sadly I have to the conclusion that it is not going to happen any time soon if at all again. I seem to pick the wrong ones every time.

Anyway bed time for me.

Everyone have a good nights sleep. And take care. I might not be so whingy tomorrow :rotfl:

Yours

Calley

whitewing

calley,

hope you have a lovely refreshing sleep.

In the words of my martial arts instructor when I am impatient: It will come.

Pyxis

(((((()Flybaby)))))))

I would imagine you have done all the grieving for the bio-father you never really had, so you may well just feel numb now.

Later on, you might get a second wave of sorrow, a new bereavement. This might be due to a realisation that it can never possibly now be. (Not that it ever could have been, but it's now final).

If that happens, be kind to yourself. Don't beat yourself up with 'what ifs'.
:A

mellymoo74

((((Fly)))))

Expect feelings to vary
Feeling nothing is normal
Feeling sad is normal

Xx