Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

mellymoo74

Are you still feeling fluey ono?

Thanks MU I had a 3 hour meeting with MIND earlier and have been sorting OHS back out looked up and it was 11.20pm disappointed with myself

onomatopoeia99

mellymoo74 wrote: »

Are you still feeling fluey ono?

Yes, can't seem to shake it. Had a lemsip and going to bed now.

System

mellymoo74 wrote: »

Are you still feeling fluey ono?

Thanks MU I had a 3 hour meeting with MIND earlier and have been sorting OHS back out looked up and it was 11.20pm disappointed with myself

Tbh Melly i think you've had enough on your plate to deal with, so forgetting to vote can be forgiven. Don't feel bad about it.

mellymoo74

Rest and fluids is the only way of getting it to go.

I know MU still narked with myself though lol.

System

You're too hard on yourself hun! Its just one of those things. Mine was only for police commisioner which tbh i dont know much about anyway

off topic and although i am cutting down on my drinking i did have to laugh earlier, i had a crate of fosters and randomly found two cans of stella artois in it :eek: tweeted tesco and they are sending me a voucher. i feel more sorry for the poor sod with a crate of stella who now has 2 cans of fosters :rotfl:

Waves_and_Smiles

You look so beautiful, Melly!

Gitdog looks like he is enjoying himself though, elsien!

My film watching has come to a halt, I just find it so hard to separate fantasy and reality. The only times I can do so is with something obviously fantasy based like talking animal animations, science fiction and horror.

If I watch a film I can feel a little click in my mind where I imagine I am the character and start believing what they are going through has happened to me. Sometimes I just want to do what they are doing, other times I get confused about whether I have done it/felt it or not and it feels like I have a memory of doing so. This is really frustrating and limits what I can do for entertainment so much. I was watching a film where characters were camping last night and I said to WaSp we should go back to the place and camp there again. We had never been to the area and we have never been camping but my mind was telling me I was in the exact same scenario as the film before. Then I get confused and upset because I don't understand why what I 'remember' isn't true. It isn't like my mind just remembers doing it, there are a whole set of false memories about what we ate, when we slept, where we visited. But none of it really happened.

Sometimes I will watch a scenario where someone has lost a family member to an illness and I will cry and cry and be overwhelmed with grief because I remember when it happened to me. Except it never did happen to me but suddenly I have all the memories and emotions as if it did. I just cannot define between what is made up and what isn't in everyday scenarios. It is really scary when I realise what is happening, then I have to fight my mind to tell it that my memories are false and that is so tiring, I always fear that one day I won't be able to get back out of the fantasy.

I am not liking psychosis today, I can't even enjoy a film or a book like other people. Bah, bad mood!

Waves_and_Smiles

Whining continued-

An ideal day for me would be waking up refreshed, making breakfast and going for a walk to the park and having a picnic while I watch the world go by. Then popping to a shop on the way home for some nice food for dinner and coming home to cook while listening to some music before watching some tv. Then reading a little before before falling asleep. That is all I want. Everything in the above scenario is impossible for me, things that many people would find really boring. I cannot even manage the simplest of days that other people can, please never underestimate simple things like popping to a corner shop for a pint of milk, there is so much freedom in being able to do that! Have I mentioned I am really annoyed by psychosis today? Am I allowed a day off from it yet? It has been over 20 years, just a day's break, pretty please? I am tired of everything being about my mental health.

I am going to shut up now, I'll be grumping in the fort. Please throw chocolate and coffee as you walk past.

Pyxis

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Sometimes I will watch a scenario where someone has lost a family member to an illness and I will cry and cry and be overwhelmed with grief because I remember when it happened to me. Except it never did happen to me but suddenly I have all the memories and emotions as if it did. I just cannot define between what is made up and what isn't in everyday scenarios. It is really scary when I realise what is happening, then I have to fight my mind to tell it that my memories are false and that is so tiring, I always fear that one day I won't be able to get back out of the fantasy.

Well, WaS, you know, IMO that's just you being a bit further down the empathy spectrum than most.

Sometimes when I'm watching a programme/film, and there's a particular scenario, My mind wanders, and I start to imagine myself in the same or similar scenario. I start to feel all the emotions I would feel as if it were real, and if it's a sad situation, I'll start crying etc., not at what's happening on screen, but at what's 'happening' to me! I'll get so lost in my story, that when I "come to" and am back in the room (!), I'll have to rewind the programme to catch up with the plot!

Now, obviously I know it's a fantasy I've been imagining, but your mind is therefore only a bit further down the line from mine, so take heart from that, (or not! :rotfl:).

My theory is that it's the same as kids learning by playing; by acting out traumatic scenarii in one's mind, you're preparing yourself for a similar eventuality, so that if something like that actually does happen, you are better prepared to deal with it.

A bit like when I'm in a hotel and I pace the distance from my room to the fire escape, etc, counting the steps and saying things like, 'ten steps then turn left, 5 steps and the door's on your right', so that if the place is full of smoke and I can't see anything, there's a bit of muscle and mind memory which might save my life!

Pyxis

WaS, do you think it's time for another animal encounter!

What about a return visit to the llamas?

Waves_and_Smiles

That's actually likely true, Pyxis. My favourite psychiatrist told me that I have so much empathy for other people that I lose my own reality within it. He said it although it was bad for me to experience, it was actually a really pleasant personality trait. It shows I care deeply about others, he said it certainly doesn't make me a bad person at all. The problem is I am so far down that spectrum that it makes my own life difficult, I don't just put myself in someone else's shoes I take on their life as my own, the switch that keeps the two separate is broken in me by psychosis.

It was novel and exciting watching films, now I have to stop because I have run out of suitable ones. I need a new Minions film!

Hahahaha! you know Pyxis I was thinking that earlier! If my ESA is ever completed and it turns out ok (please turn out ok) I want to ask the lovely people at the rainforest centre if they will let me visit again before they open or after they close to meet some more animals. They have a young armadillo that you can feed! I have a spare £100 which I have been squirreling way for months in case my ESA is cancelled and I would love to spend it on days out over the summer. I desperately need to do something not linked to my mental health where I can just forget about it for a while.