Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

Georgiegirl256 · 29 April 2016 at 4:41PM

Thanks code.

I don't think there's anything mindless about it tbh. I wrote a list and even mentioned to try and stick to it and not put loads of junk in, but he'll just do what he wants and I might as well talk to the vase of flowers as they'd probably take more notice!

He's not competitive at all, I'm the competitive one. It was actually very helpful when I gave up smoking as I had an app which helped. I wish he was more competitive, as it does come in very handy sometimes!

Anyhoo, thanks again all, you've all been really helpful and I feel better for getting it off my chest. :grouphug:

Pyxis · 29 April 2016 at 5:47PM

Izadora wrote: »

p.s. I also now have serious cravings for pasta. It's perfectly acceptable to have pasta and pesto for breakfast isn't it?

Of course it is. Sometimes I have what other people would consider to be a lunch meal,at 8.00 am. It sets me up for the day. If I'm really, really hungry at 8.00am, then I'll have lunch! If I'm not hungry until 4pm, then I'll have lunch then!

elsien wrote: »

Don't worry, Whitewing, you've not said anything out of order that I can see.
Maybe WaS just doesn't feel like posting right now, most of us have had a bit of a break once in a while. Which is fine - every one in their own time and when they're ready with no obligations.

WaS was very upset by the perceived rejection of her by her old friend. It might take a while.
I think it's nice to tell her we're thinking of her a lot, in case she's hovering.
WaS, if you're there, we're worried about you, but if you need time out, then that's ok too. :A

Georgie.
Firstly, do you feel up to gathering up all the junk food he's just bought, taking it away to a public bin and binning it?
I know it's money, but what's worse, losing the cash or penguin him gaining the calories?End penguin.

Secondly, does it have to be him who does the shopping? If not, would it be an idea to get him to agree that only you will do food shopping from now on?
If it does have to be him, that's a problem. However, if he is just going and buying extra stuff off his own bat, would it be an idea to discuss the possibility of you keeping his credit/bank cards, and him only having enough cash per day for eg travel costs and the like?

If you were to discuss these things with him, it might bring it home to him how serious the situation is, both for him and for you.

Penguin. if he is not willing to try these strategies, then it does imply that he doesn't really want to lose weight. In which case, it might be the time to have a very serious discussion, discussion, not 'nag', make that clear to him, about how seriously it is affecting you and your relationship with him. As you say, not the not losing weight, but the self-delusion and the reasons he keeps giving for not starting.
What is he frightened of? Because it is a fear of something that's stopping him End penguin.

Hypnotherapy can be very effective. It's worth considering that, too.

And I really do agree with JM about the 5:2, but it is imperative to read the book first.
It would be particularly effective if he had some of the blood tests done before he starts it, to see what bad levels he might have, and then after a couple of months on it, to redo the tests and see the improvements!
Yes, more money, but worth it in the long term if it achieves the healthy result!

Georgiegirl256 · 29 April 2016 at 6:41PM

Thanks Pyxis.

I do usually do all the shopping and I have the bank cards too. He likes to go down on a Friday because he gets his magazines and likes a wander round as he works from home and doesn't get into town as often as he did when he was office based.

As much as I'm pee'd off with his latest haul and attitude, I'm not going to go and dump it all in a bin! A, I hate waste and B, (apologies

) I think that'd be a total overreaction and C, If he really wanted to replace them then he would just go out and buy more.

I have the bank cards because I'm the one who goes into town more than him, and he prefers me to do shopping of all kinds (food, clothing etc) because I'm the one who gets the bargains etc. I don't have them to have any control over him though and nor would I want to.

I don't think he's frightened of anything tbh, but rather he's got the willpower of a slug. I've come to the conclusion that he's got to come to the realisation himself and want to do it. I'm eating healthier and I'm exercising more, he can either follow suit, or get left behind. Sorry, that's how I feel right now.

Pyxis · 29 April 2016 at 9:28PM

That's ok, you must do what you think best. :A

I suggested dumping, because although it's a 'waste', it's a waste of very empty calories only.

In the same way as you might pour away the bottle of scotch that an alcoholic partner has just bought, or chuck away the packet of cigarettes that a would-be ex-smoker has succumbed to buying.

IYSWIM.

Georgiegirl256 · 29 April 2016 at 9:41PM

Pyxis wrote: »

That's ok, you must do what you think best. :A

I suggested dumping, because although it's a 'waste', it's a waste of very empty calories only.

In the same way as you might pour away the bottle of scotch that an alcoholic partner has just bought, or chuck away the packet of cigarettes that a would-be ex-smoker has succumbed to buying.

IYSWIM.

Oh I do, and sorry if I came across abruptly. I really do appreciate all help and advice, so sorry if I came across as dismissive and a total grump!

I just know for a fact that he'd just go out and buy more. I know I did on the occasions he hid, broke or threw out my cigarettes.

Pyxis · 29 April 2016 at 9:45PM

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Oh I do, and sorry if I came across abruptly. I really do appreciate all help and advice, so sorry if I came across as dismissive and a total grump!

I just know for a fact that he'd just go out and buy more. I know I did on the occasions he hid, broke or threw out my cigarettes.

It's ok, you weren't abrupt! :cool:

Perhaps it's time for a long talk, then.

He's lucky to have you!

Georgiegirl256 · 29 April 2016 at 10:00PM

Awww thanks! :A

I've decided I'm done with talking. There's no reasoning, bargaining or whatever to be done anymore I don't think. I'll be there to support him and advise him, but I really think it has to come from him now. Anyhow, we'll see how it goes.

Pyxis · 29 April 2016 at 10:04PM

This was posted in the Arms two days ago, but the OP hasn't had any replies.

Can anyone on here help?

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showpost.php?p=70575330&postcount=1

"Managing a Budget course for people leaving rehab.

I didn't know where to post this so am popping it in here. I'm delivering a workshop to a group of people currently in an NHS rehab centre. They are all suffering with MH conditions, and are soon moving in to their own homes.

Does anyone know of any good resources or if there are any videos or worksheets already written on this, before I start from scratch? Anything I use needs to be in simple language as some have quite low levels of English and maths skills.
I will refer to Martin's MH and debt stuff but wondered if I'm missing anything..."

Waves_and_Smiles · 30 April 2016 at 6:31AM

Don't worry, I am here. Of course you didn't upset me whitewing. I am just quiet, my self confidence isn't very great right now and I don't like myself very much but I will be fine. Thank you all for caring.