Relationship decorum dont do's: What turns women off?

Kantankrus_Mare

Bad teeth.........:eek:

Can remember years and years ago thinking someone was rather nice looking and then he smiled showing all his blackened, chipped teeth. Changed my opinion totally.

Another one here that hates men that think they are a good catch because they can flash a wad of cash or tell you what flash car they drive.

Doesnt do it for me I'm afraid.

Oh.......and men that KNOW they are good looking. Puke!

onomatopoeia99

miss_independent wrote: »

Just remembered another pet hate... "Eliza Doolittling". This is how I refer to men who seem to want to take women on as a project and mould them into their idea of the perfect woman.

You know all the stuff you mentioned happens the other way as well, the woman seeing the man as a project? I had a girlfriend buy me clothes that she liked (shirts usually, which I never normally wear), without asking me. She did other stuff on "our" behalf without asking as well.

It's no more acceptable when a woman does it than a man. I'm very much of the opinion I should help a partner achieve the things that she wants to, be the person that she wants to, not the person that I want her to be. It's the difference between support and control. I don't expect them to share my interests (I'm super nerdy, it would be completely unreasonable) or my religion (I'm non-evangelical atheist, so "live and let live" - I accept everyone's faith as personal and won't seek to change it nor will I belittle it.) or my political views etc, but expect the same in return. /rant

ciderwithrosie_2

catoutthebag wrote: »

You sound delightful. Can't think of any bloke who'd want to be with you...all the above and just like others have stated, work both ways. But yours sounded particularly shallow. ..no wonder you've had bad experiences.

Aww, what's up, did you recognise yourself in that list?

Gloomendoom

prosaver wrote: »

.. ..:)

Ena Sharples

Hold me back!

miss_independent

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

You know all the stuff you mentioned happens the other way as well, the woman seeing the man as a project? I had a girlfriend buy me clothes that she liked (shirts usually, which I never normally wear), without asking me. She did other stuff on "our" behalf without asking as well.

It's no more acceptable when a woman does it than a man. I'm very much of the opinion I should help a partner achieve the things that she wants to, be the person that she wants to, not the person that I want her to be. It's the difference between support and control. I don't expect them to share my interests (I'm super nerdy, it would be completely unreasonable) or my religion (I'm non-evangelical atheist, so "live and let live" - I accept everyone's faith as personal and won't seek to change it nor will I belittle it.) or my political views etc, but expect the same in return. /rant

I'm completely sure it does happen that women take men on as "projects" and attempt to control them but this is a thread about what women find a turn off in men and that is why I posted what I did. There are other examples on this thread that people have suggested as turn offs that are not gender exclusive such as arrogance, bad manners or bad personal hygiene.

I'd never suggest it would be more acceptable for a woman to control a man to the point where he becomes her puppet or "student" and sucks out all of his personality than it is when a man does those things. I can't see where I suggested it was?

I'm of the same opinion as you. Hence me saying "whatever happened to loving the person in front of you, warts and all?". There isn't really any need to rant at me as I think we are, for the most part, on the same page.

prosaver

I thing is when you meet someone and it just happens, then you try and workout it together,,
suppose that why there's so many sad songs in the world

Skintski

Smoking, bad manners, bad hygiene, being lazy, arrogance, being full of themselves etc

I'm a female in a trade where 99% of the people are male. It's an education but I laugh daily because I hear how some of these guys talk about their other halves and know full well that they are likely to be "yes dear, anything you say dear" when they get home. However I would be seriously ashamed if I heard my husband talking about me in the same way.

Don't get me wrong, there are some gents out there but there is also a seemingly ever increasing number of animals.

Ivrytwr3

miss_independent wrote: »

Just remembered another pet hate... "Eliza Doolittling". This is how I refer to men who seem to want to take women on as a project and mould them into their idea of the perfect woman. They attempt to change the woman's political or religious viewpoints by forcing their own ideologies upon them. They find it necessary to educate the women but in no way are they allowed to demonstrate any ideas which oppose his... she'd just be "wrong", she "doesn't quite understand the complexity of the argument". They force these women to go to things they may have no interest in such as art exhibitions, the opera or public lectures, all in an attempt to "better" them. They suggest the woman dresses differently, perhaps even buying new clothes for the woman without even asking if they like them. They might even order for them in a restaurant, "I'll have the Fillet Mignon and for her, the Sea Bass. I hope you don't mind me ordering for you but trust me, it's delicious and I know you will love it." Instead of finding a woman with these interests and shared ideologies in the first place, they seem to hunt out younger, vulnerable women and believe they are doing them a favour. What happened to falling in love with the person in front of you, warts and all? I suppose it is an extreme form of arrogance, which other posters have already suggested is a turn off.

FBaby

I'd never suggest it would be more acceptable for a woman to control a man to the point where he becomes her puppet or "student" and sucks out all of his personality than it is when a man does those things. I can't see where I suggested it was?

Funnily, what was an absolute turn off was the other extreme (although what you describe would certainly be too), that is men who feel that they are making themselves attractive by pretending that they agree with everything I said, or happened to like everything I did, shared all the same opinions ect...

The first 'oh, what a coincidence, this happens to be my all time favourite film too' is endearing, after the 5th, you start questioning the truthfulness behind it and when you start to suspect that all they saying is what you want to hear, it becomes a complete turn-off.

I went out on two dates (gave the benefits of the doubt) when it became clear that the guy either had no opinions/true likes for himself, or would only ever tell me what I wanted to hear thinking that would make me fall in love with him, I said it was better not to take things any further. He then asked me why and I decided to be honest. He than ranted about how horrible it was that women nowadays could appreciate any nice men. I tried to explain it wasn't about being nice but being attracted to the person he really was, even if we didn't share everything, he just got angry.

A right balance is the way to go!

Gloomendoom

miss_independent wrote: »

perhaps even buying new clothes for the woman without even asking if they like them

I quite often buy clothes for my wife without even asking if she likes them. She can make up her own mind as to whether she wears them or not.

I don't get it right 100% of the time but the clothes that attract the most complements (from other women) have been bought by me.