Is Marriage losing it's value?

Tropez

What's the point in marriage if sex, affairs, and cheating are so easily done? And so easily available

I think you could just ask what is the point in marriage without attaching the rest.

Other than some legal implications, which I currently don't care enough about to consider a 'benefit', nothing has changed since I got married. My relationship with my now-wife remains the same as it did before.

I think some people have built up marriage in their mind as this big, wonderful, sparkly thing that somehow cements two people's love... it doesn't. I love my wife as much as I did before we were married.

If there's cracks in the relationship prior to marriage, marriage won't fix it. All that has really changed is that people are less inclined to stay unhappy for a long time now that divorces are generally easier and more socially acceptable.

The overall value of marriage depends on the person. If someone does view marriage as something profound, then it will have a higher value to them.

peachyprice

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I'm not sure about the concept of "victim" within a marriage - it's simply easier for either party to walk away than it used to be when I was younger, with the major changes brought in by the 1969 Divorce Reform Act, nearly 50 years ago.

The rise of the benefits culture has also made separation and divorce more practicable for many couples, whether one thinks that a good thing or not.

OP wrote specifically about affairs and cheating, there will always be a victim when someone cheats.

In days gone by people just accepted their spouse was a cheat rather than face the humiliation of a divorce.

fairy_lights

LiveOnce wrote: »

So many marriages now end in divorces.

So many people commit affairs because they get easily distracted.

What's the point in marriage if sex, affairs, and cheating are so easily done? And so easily available?

But people have always had affairs, that's nothing new.
More marriages probably end in divorce now because it's more socially acceptable and easier to do than it was a generation ago. So in a way you could say that marriage has a greater value these days, if people stay married it's because they want to, not because they don't have any choice or are afraid of the stigma of getting divorced.

TBagpuss

Pennywise wrote: »

Unfortunately, in my social circle, the opposite has happened. Time and time again, I've seen friends and colleagues, who've cohabited for several years, get married and then break up within a year or two. The first couple of times, it seemed just a coincidence, but over the years, I've seen it time and time again. I can only imagine it's happened because one or both have some unrealistic expectations of marriage changing things for the better, and when it doesn't happen, the disappointment causes the break down. Similar perhaps to the age old issue of people with relationship problems having a child "to improve their relationship" when we in reality, bringing a child into a strong relationship is a challenge in itself, so a child into a problem relationship is unlikely to be a magic bullet!

I think it is very common for people to see marriage (or sometimes a wedding) as a way of fixing pre-exisiting issues in a relationship.

I think if you are living together and then get married because you want a closer and more public committment then the mariage is as likely (possibly more likely) to last than if you never lived together. If on the other hand there are issues and the marriage is by way of bineg a 'lets have a new start' or 'we should be married becuae of the child' or something like that, then you are more likely to split up.

Another issue of course is that we now live in a wolrd where marriages are much longer thn they were for most of history - if you look at Victorian families, for instance, people normally married later (some variations by gender and class) and died earlier, so it was common for people to be married more than once.

I think that the value of marriage is down to how individual people view their own marriages, but I do think that the fac that it is a choice not an assumption means that it potentially has greater value for those who chose it.

heuchera

Some people want all the bells and whistles of a wedding day without really realising just what marriage actually means (or should mean).

DigForVictory

I value marriage.

I'd just like to try widowhood...

[Emphatically no reflection on anyone widowed & finding it very hard & of course irreversible.]

Lunar_Eclipse

Marriage is a contract between two people who are supposed to love and commit to each other for life.

With the best will in the world, it requires both parties to keep feeling this way, long after the honeymoon period. For many, that doesn't happen. And it usually doesn't work long term if only one party stays committed. That said, successful marriages can look very different from one another. Some people can't stay in celibate marriages for instance, where others would be happy with this as long as companionship remains.

Infidelity is no longer socially acceptable, as it once was, in historical times. It's nothing new and I doubt it's on the rise for exactly this reason. Plus I like to think more people appreciate the financial and emotional costs of getting divorced.

Alikay

Marriage had more financial value to my parents than it now does, in that they got tax relief, and it was easier to get a mortgage. It made access to both contraception and fertility treatment easier, plus adoption. Marriage is right for me, but I can understand why younger people see less advantages, particularly if the circles they move in don't see cohabitation as a lesser commitment.

mikeeboy

Marriage is about the big expensive day out isn't it? In that case, not very good value!

catkins

I thought I read recently that the divorce rate had fallen slightly.


I do think marriage is not taken seriously enough by some but that has probably almost always been the case. I know of couples who openly said before their marriage "well if it doesn't work we will just get divorced". I personally find it unbelievable that someone would start a marriage with that attitude.


Me and OH went into marriage saying it would be for life as neither of us believe in divorce and almost 36 years later we are still very happy.


A lot of celebs just seem to get married, divorced, remarried as though it all means very little and, I feel, they make a mockery of marriage. Often their marriages last less than a year which is pretty pathetic and there seems no trying to work at it