Big fight over wedding dress

MattieOwens

Wedding just happens once so it is not a bad idea to spend on your dress. You will never get these days back in your life only your going to cherish these moments you spend. I started my saving to get the best dress for my wedding and I cannot compromise in that.

seven-day-weekend

Andrew_Ryan_89 wrote: »

Women and weddings are one of the biggest mysteries in life. No matter if you are 5, 10, 20 or 50 years of age, it's like there is genetic conditioning that is held from childhood and never leaves. That being the the fairy tail wedding.

My fiance and I just bought our first property back in December and now are planning the wedding. Typically I am very practical with my money and it has served me well up to this point. Despite never being in the highest paid of jobs, I have managed to buy a relatively new car for cash, saved enough for a deposit on a 2 bedroom house in London, literally have £0 worth of debt and have had absolutely no financial help from any friends or family etc. All at the age of 26.

Now that we are planning for the wedding, we always get into the argument over the dress. Spending £2k on the ring, took a lot out of me but I didn't feel too bad, nor do I regret it because I know it's something she will wear everyday and it's insured for twice the amount I got it for. Spending £6k+ on the wedding is something I am prepared to do. I hate the fact that I am essentially paying for a party for 1 day but I we are paying a per head price and not directly for the venue.

But the dress, it's something that I can't seem to let go. She came back all excited that she found a dress she loved and it cost £2k. To me that's just stupid money. A dress you are going to wear once, not even for the whole day. What makes it worst is that her sister had her wedding dress sewed by a friend who is willing to do the same for the fraction of the cost but she's insistent on spending the money.

I would rather spend the money fixing the shower, building the entertainment cabinet, reglazing the patio door, get rid of the shed that is about to collapse or just save the money for a rainy day.

Anyone agree or disagree with me?

I agree with you. Waste of money imho.

seven-day-weekend

mumps wrote: »

Well I never wanted a fairy tail wedding not at 5, 10, 20 or 50 years of age. I am married, I didn't have a new dress, no wedding cars, no bridesmaids, no cake. I don't know why you think that is what all women want but it really isn't, I didn't, my mother didn't and my sister didn't. Not our thing, my sister didn't even have guests just two random passers by they asked to be witnesses.

I didn't eithr. Registry office in a 'posh frock' that I had worn before. No way did I want a huge expensive 'do'.

Enterprise_1701C

We had the whole shebang, lovely dress, rolls Royce etc. It was a lovely day and we look back on it happily 31 years later. If you find "the" dress then it becomes all consuming, although these days I think I would take a sneaky picture and make it myself.

ani*fan

paddyrg wrote: »

Two words - 'naturist wedding'

Solved ;-)

Hahaha!! :rotfl: What a thought!

It's all gone very quiet here but I thought I'd chip in anyway.

Weddings have developed in the way they have over decades. Different trends and things that people do to mark what is essentially a very serious and important day have all evolved and changed over time. One of the things that has deveoped is the role of the wedding dress.

I have NEVER had the wedding fantasy, never dreamed about it as a child or planned it in my head. The whole idea came about after OH's proposal. I met the right one and after a lot of thought, we decided on a big do. Which I knew at the time would involve a dress. An important dress. The one everyone will be looking at. With me in it. I find this nerve wracking in a way my OH doesn't understand, which is fair enough, but there is no escaping the fact that the dress is a very big deal. Yours is not a second (or third or fourth) marriage (done it before so not too fussed), no-one is pregnant (different priorities then), you're young so I assume your OH is too, all of this points to the fact that she is going to need a dress.

Once you start shopping for dresses, you understand the difference in quality between them. Maybe your OH is into clothes and knew all this anyway. I didn't, but I'm certainly learning now. Different fabrics, stitching and styles, different shapes and colours, it's a complicated business. If you want a proper designer dress, £2k is the bottom end of what you might expect to pay. Your OH is already being frugal, she will have rejected much more expensive ones, she will have tried on a million and 5 and asked all the people she cares about what they thought of it. (All but you, that's how it works.) She will have tried to imagine how it will feel on that day, wearing that dress, marrying you with everyone watching, wanting you to feel proud and think she is beautiful and perfect in every way. She has found the dress, her relief must have been enormous. I wish I'd found mine!

In trying to resolve this you need to not belittle the importance of this for her. The dress has meaning for her that you don't understand, and that's ok, you're not supposed to. But she has already gone through a process of thinking about it, looking, finding it, and she's at the final stage of buying, so close, and her nerves are probably in shreds. She needs to buy it and if second hand is just not going to cut it, she needs it new.

And once the wedding's over, you can persuade her to sell it. Gently. Because who needs £2k sitting in their wardrobe?

Best of luck.

Hutchch0920

boomish wrote: »

I agree, you don't need to sped 2k on a dress, you just have to shop better! My daughter is getting married this year, we are spending similar money but she has a budget and doesn't want to over spend on any part, she found an amazing dress for 499, I don't know the place but it's a shop in Bromley , it's very popular, it has a cap I think of £499 but the dresses look the same as any dress of 2k..thatsnot my opinion thats her's and her mother and all the fashion advice she has had from friends & family that have gone looking with her.
Hope that helps

Wed2Be is the shop you're thinking of...I am going there next Tuesday so I'll report back on quality.

I've been looking at custom made pieces from Lithuania via Etsy. Stunning pieces which are £400 tailor made and way more up my street than the traditional, heavy lace styles.

There's a few options (time dependent) on how she could get the £2k dress for less some of which have been mentioned already but let me pull them together:

Ebay - set up a search alert for the dress in her size and the size up....most listings include the name or number to make it easier for others to find.

PreLoved - as above and the other wedding dress specific sites (bride2bride, sellmyweddingdress) - I've already seen one of the dresses I am interested in which was £1k advertised for £400 and it was altered by the wearer who happens to be the same exact size to the inch!...btw not all of them are worn either, some are tags on.

Visit a wedding fair and negotiate directly with the vendor as per one of the other poster's suggestions.

Keep your eyes peeled for sample sales and end of season sales - you may need to keep in touch with a number of stores that stock the collection to make sure you're told.

I must admit I was shocked at how expensive wedding dresses are and am on a mission not to spend more than £500 on mine but still ensure it looks amazing...I've got a year so I think it can be done.

It sounds like you and your fiancee are not on the same page and perhaps some better communication to manage expectations between you both would be a good idea.