Big fight over wedding dress

Mojisola

Andrew_Ryan_89 wrote: »

God, now I have just remembered I have to buy her yet ANOTHER ring and one for myself (I'll get one from Argos for £100 or so). Then there is always the possibility of us getting a divorce and it screwing up all that I have worked for (my dad got divorced from his first wife, not my mum, and essentially had to pay his mortgage of again).

Why are you getting married?

elsien

If she wants the dress that badly, can't she buy it herself?

Out of interest, you make it sound like you're paying for everything. Are you? Or are they joint savings that you're trying to exert control over? In which case, her opinion is as valid as yours.

PasturesNew

Her wedding, her wedding dress. Her purse and pocket.
Simples.

If she wants it, she has to pay for it. That's basic life skills 101.

Mrs_Boo_Boo

Just like any other budget if she has to have the dress then other things will have to be adjusted. Not fussed about all the traditional wedding stuff myself. We did a lot of it ourselves like making my own cake,buying dried flowers and making a bouquet. Making table decorations and favours. We even did our own catering. Best wedding I went to was a real DIY one where the bride and groom went to the registry office with 2 witnesses in the morning and then met everyone in her parent's garden for a party where the guests all brought food.

Mojisola

Andrew_Ryan_89 wrote: »

Typically I am very practical with my money and it has served me well up to this point. Despite never being in the highest paid of jobs, I have managed to buy a relatively new car for cash, saved enough for a deposit on a 2 bedroom house in London, literally have £0 worth of debt and have had absolutely no financial help from any friends or family etc. All at the age of 26.

Apart from the wedding, what is she like with money? Having a big difference in your attitudes towards saving and spending is one of the major reasons couples break up.

£2k on an engagement ring, £6k+ on the wedding and another £2k on a dress - is any of that money hers or is she just spending yours?

Andypandyboy

melanzana wrote: »

Oops, there's your problem right there!

YOU have given HER a budget and things are already planned out, ho hum.

Can your beloved not contribute at all or what?

I think you better think it out again!!

I'm thinking control here

Me too.

It sounds as if you feel you are being magnanimous in agreeing to marry. I would cancel the whole shebang now if I was your gf.

mumps

Andrew_Ryan_89 wrote: »

Women and weddings are one of the biggest mysteries in life. No matter if you are 5, 10, 20 or 50 years of age, it's like there is genetic conditioning that is held from childhood and never leaves. That being the the fairy tail wedding.

Well I never wanted a fairy tail wedding not at 5, 10, 20 or 50 years of age. I am married, I didn't have a new dress, no wedding cars, no bridesmaids, no cake. I don't know why you think that is what all women want but it really isn't, I didn't, my mother didn't and my sister didn't. Not our thing, my sister didn't even have guests just two random passers by they asked to be witnesses.

Topcat1982

Does your fiance not work? Why are you paying for everything?

GlasweJen

It's her wedding dress! I'm not a girly girl at all and I'm dreading shopping for my dress but it needs to be something that I'll feel confident in. The photographer will apparently take 4500 photos and I want to at least like them.

If she really can't find another dress that makes her feel confident then trimming down the wedding would be sensible - and you've already rejected that idea so what do you want her to do?

Either let her buy the dress or let her downsize.

Faith177

PasturesNew wrote: »

Her wedding, her wedding dress. Her purse and pocket.
Simples.

If she wants it, she has to pay for it. That's basic life skills 101.

This is what me and OH did my wedding dress was originally £3,500 when I first inquired when I saw it in a magazine and fell in love with it

I decided against it as it was too much and went back to looking but got more and more fed up when I couldn't find another I liked as much as the first one

OH said to me if I wanted it that badly I could use part of the budget we had allocated for the dress (decided together btw) and the rest would come out of my pocket.

I saw the designer at a wedding fair and after chatting to her got the price down to just under £3000

If your soon to be wife loves the dress that much rather than just saying an outright no please try and reach a compromise after all marriage is about working together not one person making all the decisions