What are we saving FOR?

TomsMom

Errata wrote: »

Tomsmum, the kids may well mature with age - we all do, and start to see things differently. It's worth remembering that memories of something horrible someone has said to us get deeply embedded, whilst many of the nice things don't.

Well Errata, I know I have certainly changed my attitude to things the older I have become, it's because we understand it more and see it from a different perspective and can actually imagine what it would be like if we were in that situation. I know I am a better and more understanding person now that I was probably 10 years ago. I am sure this will happen with my children in time.

And you are right, it is the horrible things we remember. I can still recall, word for word, something my mother-in-law said to me when I asked for help, 30 years ago, when hubby was hospitalised for 3 weeks and I wanted her to have the two children overnight one Saturday just to give me a break from work/housework/hospital visiting and arranging child-sitters to enable me to go to the hospital. That help was refused and, although forgiven, it's never been forgotten.

What really saddened me most about what my son was supposed to have said was the fact that he said it to his sister about us. I would much have preferred him to say it to us, face to face, I could have dealt with that. To say to her that "they're spending our inheritance" just sounds so mercenary. If he'd said it to me it would have been "So what you greedy little ****, it's our money anyway so what's the problem".

A question for Margaret, completely off topic - how do you multi-quote in messages? I can't fathom that out.

Errata

EdInvestor wrote: »

Ever considered writing a "Good Care Home" guide? Including a bit of info on the best way to pay for them?

No, because there is already a vast amount of information provided on the internet and in hard copy by a great number of statutory and voluntary organisations to which I have, and continue to, contribute.

daisyroots_2

Just want to add that at 62 and 63, we are still saving, too. I mentioned this to a neighbour I met on the bus a couple of months ago, and he asked that very question "What are you saving FOR?"

Recently they sold their (second) home in France to buy a pension - sensible enough, but last weekend they came round wanting a signature on an Equity Release form on their flat. They want to give some money to their children. Obviously we said nothing - none of our business - but they are lovely people and my heart sank on their behalf.

What are we saving for ? Holidays, although that's mostly house exchanges, and living anywhere but London is usually cheaper, so that's just fares, really. I have a weakness for new technology, and am ashamed to say how many computers, mp3 players, DAB radios and other techno rubbish I own. I may be the only grandmother to have taught her grandchildren how to download music illegally :pfrom the internet - DD hasn't a clue, and I had to set up SIL's eBay account for him.

DH has a weakness for good wine. But we have a very old shabby car, which we rarely use, as we have free public transport. But if we ever wanted to replace the car, we wouldn't need a loan, and if I ended up having to pay for my Ma's Nursing Care, then I could bite the bullet and do it. My sis won't be able to contribute as much as me, but she lives nearer and visits more often.

Emotionally, I'm saving so that nobody can ever again tell me what to do and where to go, to shut up and do as I'm told. We were brought up in Care, and throughout my childhood I vowed that once I was grown up I would take control of my life and not take orders from anyone.

Oh, and mad acts of generosity, which I can tell you about as you don't know my identity. In 2005 I paid for a young woman, who had been trying for 9 years to conceive, to have IVF treatment. She had a beautiful baby girl, and now she's expecting again, but this one she did naturally. That was such a joy and privilege. What's a new car compared to that ?

Nobody taught us about money - DH taught me to save. When we met he was shocked that I didn't, and told me it didn't matter if it was only 10/- (yep - 10 shillings!) a week, and it didn't matter if I drew it out immediately, as long as I got into the habit. One week you will forget to withdraw it immediately, and then - hey presto ! you will have "savings" he said. It's a habit I've had ever since, and have taught our children.

Hope the water pipes are easily found, Margaret, you are so sensible to have thought of that before laying the path, and also to get the work done before winter sets in. I'd be really interested to hear from others who save, what they are saving for.

margaretclare

Hello, Daisyroots, I empathise with you being brought up in care. I didn't, but I grew up as an illegitimate child in a time when it really, really wasn't the thing to be!! Plus being plump, not pretty, short-sighted and deaf. I very nearly got put into a home in 1943 when conscription for single women was introduced...but that's another story. Fortunately my mum wasn't 'called up' but she very nearly was.

However, I did save from an early age, from my first day at school in fact, September 1940. The village school acted as a sub-branch for a bank and I used to trot along with a few pennies and my bank book in a little hand-stitched bag.

I don't want anyone to be able to tell me what to do either - too independent, too used to making my own decisions and choices, although people do seem to think they can tell us, older people, what we should do! Even, as TomsMom has found out, tell us what we should do with our own money!!

TM, you highlight and copy and paste. I tried to explain but it came out wrong. Basically you type

in front and again after the piece you've copied and pasted, with / in front of the second QUOTE.

Margaret

Errata

Daisy, you taught your grandchildren how to download music illegally :eek: That's the spirit :T :T :T

This afternoon I had to buy a new fridge/freezer as the old one flatlined yesterday. I was quite glad I had some savings stuffed under the mattress to pay for it.
For me, having savings is part and parcel of being a mature, responsible, self reliant adult. I had the savings habit instilled in me at the age of 4 with my weekly 6d going into the school branch of the Yorkshire Penny Bank.
That's not to say I haven't financially sailed close to the wind on occasion, but I judged I was taking well thought out calculated risks, with plans B thru Z to call on.

Now watch the washer/drier kick the bucket

TomsMom

Thanks Margaret - got it now!

Garnet_Gem

Those who have had money all their lives (or have someone to bail them out when they need cash) don't have the independent state of mind that those of us have who had to struggle earlier in life. I never ask anyone for financial help and never would. That's why I don't spend all my money - it's called saving and gives me some peace of mind for the future.

Savvy_Sue

Ever thought of winding the children up by saying something like "Of course when Dad and I retire, we're planning to move in with you so that you can keep us in the manner to which we'd like to become accustomed." :rotfl:

I'm glad that so far, I don't think the boys have considered what might be coming to them after our deaths. In fact I was telling them the other day that the reason why grandma has become quite generous (£250 each this tax year and last) is because it is reducing the size of her estate so the taxman gets less. DS3 thought it was absolutely SHOCKING to try and get out of paying tax. Ah well, he's young, he'll learn ...

But then they don't seem to expect us to give them megabucks to support their university studies, DS1 has even paid his tuition fee contribution himself (old system). I read threads on the student board about "how much should we give our son/daughter, lots of their friends seem to be getting £100 a week but we can't afford that much?" and just think "why do you HAVE to give your student offspring anything at all?" But maybe I'm just mean ...

margaretclare

Errata wrote: »

For me, having savings is part and parcel of being a mature, responsible, self reliant adult. I had the savings habit instilled in me at the age of 4 with my weekly 6d going into the school branch of the Yorkshire Penny Bank.

I haven't met anyone else who did this!!

When my daughters were little and used to go and stay with grannie, I remember my mother buying 10p National Savings stamps and sticking them in little books, then going to the post office with the little girls and buying National Savings Certificates. She was so pleased, and so were they, when they'd stuck enough 10p stamps on to buy one certificate, then gradually the book of certificates would fill up.

All those little ways of teaching children to save small amounts have disappeared, and it was such a good way of showing them how small amounts grow into bigger amounts. Many children now seem to have the idea that they've gotta have it, they've gotta have it now, whatever 'it' is. I also hear people say 'if I had enough money to save I would save it'. I'm sure they wouldn't, if they haven't got the savings habit to start with. The point about people like my mum and those she lived among, was that they mostly hadn't much money to start with, but they still managed small savings. Like the pennies they gave me to take to school. I don't know what they were all living on at that time, and it was hard-come-by, whatever it was.

If I ever say things like this in some places I get a sneer about 'oh it was hard in the war years and you lived in t'middle o't'road in a paper bag'. The point is, it was nothing to do with the war years, it was the way things were then. At least I didn't have to cope with evacuation from the blitz like my DH did.

Those who have had money all their lives (or have someone to bail them out when they need cash) don't have the independent state of mind that those of us have who had to struggle earlier in life. I never ask anyone for financial help and never would. That's why I don't spend all my money - it's called saving and gives me some peace of mind for the future.

I completely agree.

Well, the brickie and his apprentice have nearly finished the wall, back this morning to finish off, then I can get all the pots and containers of plants and bulbs back in place. They've really done an excellent job. http://www.paving4u.co.uk/index.html

Margaret

[Deleted User]

this is such an inspiring and warm thread.

We save too at 59 and 60. DH has just retired but we are both very busy giving physical support to our dd and her dh who live 2 miles away. They have just had a new baby and she is the main earner. Its a long story but in a nutshell, she is in the forces as a medic and he was in the forces but left to accompany her overseas three years ago, he did a teachers training course last year when they got back and it coincided with them buying their first house. Then as is natural, baby comes along and coincidentally sil starts his new teaching job this week. In the meantime there are two lively dogs to care for as well as our dd who had an emergency caesarian.

None of our children ever ask us for financial help but I have been dipping into our savings to help this young couple in a very quiet way. Every time I take the little one for a few hours, he is in clothes I bought, in a car carrier I bought etc. Son in law has to tavel 1 1/2 hours to get to work (no jobs in wales) and was very worried about his car and they were going to get a bank loan but we lent then the money instead, they never asked. Yes they will pay me back and they will be doing it by standing order

The point is that we are leading by example. They could have saved but didn`t and they have learnt their lesson. We are of the generation that bought the savings stamps at the post office and it gets ingrained and thank goodness it did

So now that is the first big use of some of our savings. The next big use is to support us fully until my dh`s pensions start in 5 years time. We can do it because of our savings safety net

What I do like is that the savings pot isn`t just static now but is being actively used to help smooth a path for a young family. It does this by temporarily being reduced but it will be full again in 18 months time