Sensitive housing matter following bereavement

FredsMom

Thank you RAS,

I should have made it clearer at the start, my son lived at my mother's because it was a few doors from my house and with the unexpected arrival of a third child, it was the best option for all of us. There were never any issues between us, my parents had the room that I didn't and while he was younger he ate and spent his time here, just slept at my parents' house.

The executor, mum's brother, is unaware of the discord but I will be seeing him in a few days and will let him know.

I will be speaking my mother's broker in the morning, it seems a safer bet as she had used the same one for 20+ years and they are aware that she has passed. I think the complexities of me "owning" a house that is not yet in my name with tenants that refuse to co-operate is beyond the average search engine.

There is a gas certificate as mum paid BG monthly and had an annual boiler check, I believe the executor has that paperwork.

My worry about not transferring the utilities is that they wont get paid.

FredsMom

Thanks again Yorkshireman99,

That is exactly how I feel at the moment.There's nothing like a Yorkshire man to tell the truth eh?

As his mother I am trying to take into account his grief and uncertainty about his future but as his mother I am also dealing with his complete lack of respect and failure to understand that we have to pay for what we want. I know which once will win in the not too distant future.

FredsMom

Thanks again pathtofreedom,

That was kind of my vision, give them a few months so he can get employment sorted, as long as the bills were covered then the rent could wait a bit.

He's not in uni, it's a local college, theoretically he could finish this year (May/June), find a full time job and do his next year as an evening course but this seems too much of a challenge.

Thank you for the link, I will have a good read tomorrow, I wasn't expecting so many helpful replies in one evening

I don't want to rush into anything, I'm hoping he will see the error of his ways but then again I won't wait forever either.

FredsMom

Thank you dancingfairy,

I should point out that my ex-husband is not his father. His father and I have been split for about 15 years yet we are very good friends and he visits every week, the poor guy is mortified at our son's behaviour and has tried to talk to him but to no avail.

His behaviour/attitude is out of character and I have to put it down to grief and impending fatherhood. He sees his future as more time at college ( he is on the third course in 4 years and doesn't comprehend the idea of evening classes while working a full-time job).

Sitting down and talking is not an option right now but I am happy to give things a few months to settle. I have an appointment with a financial advisor planned so hopefully he will have some idea of what I need to do legally as a landlady and maybe some mediation advice too.

FredsMom

Thank you Spirit,

They were looking but hadn't found a property to move in to, mum passed suddenly so it seemed perfect to let her house to them, unfortunately they don't feel they should pay rent. I can certainly help with any rent on a new property in the short term, but the feedback I am getting is that I should let them live rent free in mum's house.

I am in the process of fixing my own house up so renting it is probably not an option for at least 6 months.

Savvy_Sue

I'm torn between saying 'don't rush' and 'draw the lines in the sand very very soon!' Because while you shouldn't take major decisions you don't HAVE to take at this difficult time, you really can't let this one drift. And whatever you decide, I would definitely put things in writing - some of them may come better from the executor.

Even if it's a holding decision: "Dear son, I have decided that rather than making firm decisions while we are all still grieving, you and g/f may stay in Grandma's house until ... on the following terms: you pay the utility bills, you pay the insurance, you keep the house and garden in good repair. [put in rent too if you like.]

"I know that while you are both students money is tight [because presumably if he's on a fourth college course he's not in receipt of a student loan even!] so if you prefer to go back to g/f's family then I will understand."

Something like the above? What ARE they living on at the moment?

I'm not sure if you said what the terms of the will were: of course if it's all coming to you then it's up to you what you do with it, but one potential additional lever is if the will has other beneficiaries, then does his sense of entitlement affect those other beneficiaries directly? That would definitely be something the executor could address.

FredsMom wrote: »

They are unable to claim housing benefit as we are related and it wouldn't be viewed as a commercial letting.

It CAN be viewed as a commercial letting if it IS a commercial letting: you'd have to make a case with the local authority, but it can be done.

However I'm not sure they'd be entitled to HB if they're students, and there would be 'spare bedroom' reductions, and more restrictions if they're under 35. Eligibility here.

FredsMom wrote: »

There is a gas certificate as mum paid BG monthly and had an annual boiler check, I believe the executor has that paperwork.

I don't think that's the same as a landlord's gas safety certificate. I believe you'd also have to get an annual electrical check done too.

FredsMom wrote: »

My worry about not transferring the utilities is that they wont get paid.

He has had a charmed life ...

Out of interest, how old is he? Has he always had this sense of entitlement? Or is this the grief talking? You might want to practise phrases such as "I know you are upset by grandma's death, as I am by my mum's death, so I shall not respond to that hurtful remark in case I say something I later regret, however what you are suggesting is NOT going to happen so please think again."

And I am sorry for your loss, and that this is all happening while you're trying to sort out a divorce as well.

nom_de_plume

To add to all the above, I would be looking to have your son sign a tenancy agreement.

I rent a property to a very close family member who is receiving benefits and they have signed an Assured Shorthold Tenancy Agreement. It helps in 2 ways - it allows them to produce evidence of paying rent for their claims and, most importantly, protects me in the (hopefully unlikely) event of any issues whereby I may need to evict them.

silvercar

I'm playing devil's advocate, just to balance things up a bit.

1. Your son has been used to living in this house and with girlfriends family for years, of course he feels that his grandmother's death shouldn't change things. If she were still alive, she may have been happy for him to move in.

2. He is a student. most students rely on subsidies from their parents. The loan system is meant to give them enough to manage, but we all know it doesn't and most rely on top-ups from their parents. There is little difference between paying his rent in a student house or halls and letting him live rent free in the inherited home, other than it costing you less.

3. You're divorcing, he is grieving, cut him some slack.

4. He is studying, you want him to gain his qualification so he can earn to support his new family, so you should offer some support.

I would be inclined to agree a rent free period until his studies are finished.
You could also allow your next child to move in to share with your son, if it is time to flee the nest.

Once his studies are finished he should sort himself out.

What is the GF doing? could she work for a few months?

moneyistooshorttomention

Yorkshireman99 wrote: »

I understand how difficult this is but you are just being emotionally blackmailed. Your son should ashamed that he is doing this.

and topping it off by getting pregnant before they are in a position for that to be a reasonable proposition.

It may be too that he will push even harder for "unfair dibs" after the child is born too. I think OP would be doing him (and his child-to-be a favour by helping him grow up and bear his responsibilities/learn to be fair basically).

paddy's_mum

What he proposes could so easily lead to huge discord between him and his siblings and a lasting resentment that poisons the relationship between you all - forever.

It also crossed my mind to wonder what happens if they are in a house owned or funded by you, and he and the girlfriend split?