Money Moral Dilemma: How should I tell my sister I can't afford these gifts?

YORKSHIRE_GUY

You're Pippa Middleton, aren't you?

DrivingMissDaisy

Is this an MSE trick to get the thread count up ?

Talent

MSE_Nick wrote: »

Recently my sister has got into the habit of buying surprise gifts for our mum, and then asking me and our siblings if we want to contribute after the fact. How do I tell her I can't afford to keep doing this without sounding tight?

If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply!

[purplesignup][/purplesignup]

Just tell her not to include you in any further purchases, if she ignores you and asks for a contribution say no. Simples!

Petra_70

Celifein wrote: »

Sister: "I've bought a surprise gift for Mum, do you want to contribute?"
You: "No, I can't afford it."

or

Sister: "I've bought a surprise gift for Mum, do you want to contribute?"
You: "No, I'm saving up for her birthday, so I can't afford to get lots of things throughout the year."

These dilemma things would be a lot better if we heard back from the OP (assuming they're a real person). They could do it anonymously through an MSE staff member like they do with the original question. Otherwise you're just left with this frustrating "so...what happened?"

This. ^^^ Just tell the sister EITHER that you can't afford to keep coughing up for random gifts for your mum, or you don't WANT to because you prefer quality over quantity and would rather save up for something special for mother's day, her birthday, and Christmas (and her wedding anniversary if she is married...)

Why on earth does this woman keep buying random gifts for the mother anyway?! FGS, there enough 'events' and enough people to buy for throughout the year as it is! Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Easter, Father's Day, Grandparents Day, Birthdays, Wedding Anniversaries, Christmas, Christenings, Weddings, Births, Graduations etc...

Then there are other celebrations when people need/want to spend, like Burns Night, Chinese New Year, St David's Day, St Patrick's Day, St George's Day, Ramadan, Diwali, New Year's Eve, Firework Night, Halloween, etc... So why on EARTH would you want to create a situation where you have to spend more money?!

I doubt the OP will come back and tell us though. This really irks me about these 'dilemmas...' we never hear anything else after the first post. What is the POINT of them?! :huh:

jgriggle wrote: »

She's your sister! Just tell her that's the situation and she can like it or lump it. Especially if she's younger than you because frankly younger sisters deserve everything they get !

What? :huh:

Glad I'm not YOUR younger sister! YOU'D be getting all YOU deserve, and that would a short shrift from me, and the door slammed in your face if you came to my house!

coolcait wrote: »

In fairness to the MSE 'dilemma' creators...

i) a huge number of the threads posted on this part of the forum simply wouldn't exist if the people involved just spoke to the source of their 'dilemma', rather than seeking advice and/or validation from anonymous internet posters.

ii) if the MSE dilemma creators were to follow up their original post with 'further information' and 'reasons' why speaking to the source of the dilemma wasn't possible...

and if they used a new user-name every time, with the 'ALERT NEWBIE!' flag on the left-hand side...

it might be hard to distinguish the made-up moneysaving moral dilemmas from the average thread.

At least the MSE dilemma creators have the courage of their convictions (or the dictates of whichever body regulates them) and put it forward in the way that they do.

What? :huh:

meknowalot-51

You say that your sister ASKS you if you want to contribute after buying something and feeling the need to not look tight fisted you always agree.Next time she does this just say that your not doing suprise gifts anymore just normal ones with your kids and in future ASK before buying.This way she will have no idea about your finances and you get to choose the gift.Take note of the title and you'll feel a lot better.

Pollycat

meknowalot-51 wrote: »

You say that your sister ASKS you if you want to contribute after buying something and feeling the need to not look tight fisted you always agree.Next time she does this just say that you've already got something and in future ASK before buying.This way she will have no idea about your finances and you get to choose the gift.Take note of the title and you'll feel a lot better.

But these appear to be random surprise gifts - not gifts for birthdays/Christmas or Mother's Day - so it's very unlikely that the OP would be believed if they said they have already bought something.

Pollycat wrote: »

From what the OP says, it's not a gift for a birthday/Christmas/Mother's Day but a random 'surprise' gift that the sister seems to buy regularly.

If the OP refuses to put towards the gift that has already been bought but instead goes out & buys something else from her, it's not really addressing the main 'issue' (which is that the OP can't afford to contribute), is it?

FGS, how hard is it to just say 'no'?

It's not a case of the OP wanting to choose the gift.
It's about the OP's sister buying surprise gifts for the Mother:

MSE_Nick wrote: »

Recently my sister has got into the habit of buying surprise gifts for our mum, and then asking me and our siblings if we want to contribute after the fact. How do I tell her I can't afford to keep doing this without sounding tight?

System

Does anyone know where we can submit actual dilemmas for Nick?

engineer_amy

Spinkz wrote: »

Does anyone know where we can submit actual dilemmas for Nick?

I thought about this myself, I wonder if we can get an email address for him and offer up some more realistic, gritty dilemmas for him to choose from. Maybe if your dilemma is chosen for that weeks email, you can get a special badge!

meknowalot-51

Pollycat wrote: »

But these appear to be random surprise gifts - not gifts for birthdays/Christmas or Mother's Day - so it's very unlikely that the OP would be believed if they said they have already bought something.

It's not a case of the OP wanting to choose the gift.
It's about the OP's sister buying surprise gifts for the Mother:

I realized my mistake and corrected it at 3.02pm then yours just appeared,i shall pay attention a bit more in future.

System

engineer_amy wrote: »

I thought about this myself, I wonder if we can get an email address for him and offer up some more realistic, gritty dilemmas for him to choose from. Maybe if your dilemma is chosen for that weeks email, you can get a special badge!

That is a great idea :j

As they are the forum team, they should engage with the community more! I do often wonder if Nick even reads the replies to these dilemmas. Sometimes they are so half cut, it feels made up! Like the broken unit dilemma smh :doh: