Money Moral Dilemma: How should I tell my sister I can't afford these gifts?

Teacher2

You cannot decide to buy something and THEN expect others to cough up. Tell your sister (nicely) that she must consult on presents for your mother BEFORE they are bought and that, even then, you might not be able to afford to contribute or that you might wish to buy her something or do something nice for her separately. Your sister is getting the double benefit of choosing the gift and getting the credit for it while making others pay for it which is not acceptable. It's akin to moral hazard where you get the benefit and others take the risk.

sheilayd

think ahead of time of something your mum would like, and want, to receive, and buy it. Then either tell your sister you have bought your present, what it is maybe, but just drop into conversation dont make issue out of it, or when she asks for your contribution just say your sorry but you already have your present. Either way, don't make it a big thing, just tell her you have it and move to another topic of conversation, have one ready in your head, then it needn't cause a rift or bad feeling between you and your sister, your mum will have two gifts instead of one, and your sister may think twice about doing it next time. Good luck,,,, ;-)

tain

"Hi sis, I've only got £20 for mum's present this year."




Pretty vexing effort putting that together, I know. Must get a coffee to de-stress.

tallgirld

I would have said something when she done it the first time!! (but I am known for being outspoken in my family)


Anyway just say "Look sis stop asking me to contribute to presents that YOU BUY"


See that was easy wasn't it?

BNT

As with most of these dilemmas, this can easily be solved by talking. She's your sister; if you can't talk to her about this, then it is neither a money dilemma or a moral dilemma, but a problem with your relationship with your sister, which is worth addressing if you want to maintain family harmony.

Cimscate

While on the face of it you should just be able to say no I have several sisters and wouldn't want to fall out with them so saying no is not quite as easy as it sounds, especially if you've gone along with it in the past. Depends on your sister of course.

Rather than say no I can't afford it maybe just say you think it would be nicer for Mum to get several presents and so you're going to get something separately and leave it at that....

fuzzyduck22

Just.say.no

ButterflyLC

jgriggle wrote: »

Especially if she's younger than you because frankly younger sisters deserve everything they get !

I am a younger sister, and I can tell you I am the nice normal one! Don't tar us all with the same brush.

Just tell her that she has taken it upon herself to buy these gifts so no you are not coughing up as you can't afford it. She'll soon stop doing it if she's left with the expense.

TBagpuss

Speak to your sister.
If she is asking whether you want to contrinute, then saying 'no thanks' is fine.

If it is more a case of 'asking' but expecting that you will join in then contact her (don't wit for her to buy another gift) and say "There have been a few times recently where you've bought something for mum and asked me to contribute, and I have felt under pressure to pay. in future, if you would like me to contribute to a goft can you ask me first, before you go ahead and buy something? That way, we can agree a budget for any join gifts, and if I (or one of the others) decide not to join in you won't be left out of pocket, but can decide whether you still want to buy it by yourself"

She can't spend your money without your cooperation. If you haven't said anything up until now, she probably has no idea you are not happy with the situation,.

Pollycat

Cimscate wrote: »

While on the face of it you should just be able to say no I have several sisters and wouldn't want to fall out with them so saying no is not quite as easy as it sounds, especially if you've gone along with it in the past. Depends on your sister of course.

Rather than say no I can't afford it maybe just say you think it would be nicer for Mum to get several presents and so you're going to get something separately and leave it at that....

From what the OP says, it's not a gift for a birthday/Christmas/Mother's Day but a random 'surprise' gift that the sister seems to buy regularly.

If the OP refuses to put towards the gift that has already been bought but instead goes out & buys something else from her, it's not really addressing the main 'issue' (which is that the OP can't afford to contribute), is it?

FGS, how hard is it to just say 'no'?