Surrogacy

matt.warman83

Hi Everyone

My partner and I (same sex) have been together for 12 years.
We are coming to the end of our fostering training so fingers crossed we are accepted by the panel we will have a child in placement by the end of April! Yay!
Fostering aside we have always wanted out own children (not opposed to adoption but would love our own (call us selfish if you will)
In our early 20's we were very frivolous and didn't save, basically just enjoyed life. Regretting this now as obviously surrogacy costs money so my question to everyone is: what ideas do everyone have for raising money to put aside for the surrogacy? We both work ful time (OH will be giving up work to be main foster care when it goes through) so apart from taking on extra work which is not really feasible for us what can we do?
We are both desperate to be parents and will be the most thankful people in the world when that day comes but until then we have a wonderful nephew and a beautiful new born niece to love and care for.
Thanks in advance for your ideas!
:A:D:)

Alikay

IMO you'll need all your energy for the time being to settle in your new foster child. If you want more than one child, have you thought about fostering a pair of siblings? Within the first few months of a new placement isn't the time to be going through fertility treatment, via surrogate or otherwise, and you could find it may jeopardise your approval at panel if they knew this was your plan for the near future.

pigpen

My friend had to sign a contract thing with the panel saying she would not pursue IVF while going through the process.. though some still do and end up with a biological child and an adopted one of the same age.. there was a family ended up with biological twins and surrogate triplets not so long ago.

the problem with surrogacy is the baby/ies are not yours until handed over as the mum has total rights to them so it is a huge risk.. one I'm not sure I could take. you can go through the whole traumatic process an never see the child.. this happened to my friend.. he is gay, has a child with a female gay 'friend' at the time.. he saw the baby once.. this was incredibly distressing for him but it is something you need to consider.

Focus on the fostering and see how you fare.. and keep it in mind for a few years down the line.

heuchera

matt.warman83 wrote: »

Hi Everyone

My partner and I (same sex) have been together for 12 years.
We are coming to the end of our fostering training so fingers crossed we are accepted by the panel we will have a child in placement by the end of April! Yay!
Fostering aside we have always wanted out own children (not opposed to adoption but would love our own (call us selfish if you will)
In our early 20's we were very frivolous and didn't save, basically just enjoyed life. Regretting this now as obviously surrogacy costs money so my question to everyone is: what ideas do everyone have for raising money to put aside for the surrogacy? We both work full time (OH will be giving up work to be main foster care when it goes through) so apart from taking on extra work which is not really feasible for us what can we do?
We are both desperate to be parents and will be the most thankful people in the world when that day comes but until then we have a wonderful nephew and a beautiful new born niece to love and care for.
Thanks in advance for your ideas!
:A:D:)

Sorry, forgive my ignorance but is surrogacy even legal in the UK? It's always been controversial. To ask a woman to carry and give birth to a child then give it away is going to be fraught with potential problems, ethically/morally as well as financially.

I would think adoption might be a better choice. I think they accept gay couples as prospective adoptive parents these days.

cyantist

pigpen wrote: »

My friend had to sign a contract thing with the panel saying she would not pursue IVF while going through the process.. though some still do and end up with a biological child and an adopted one of the same age.. there was a family ended up with biological twins and surrogate triplets not so long ago.

the problem with surrogacy is the baby/ies are not yours until handed over as the mum has total rights to them so it is a huge risk.. one I'm not sure I could take. you can go through the whole traumatic process an never see the child.. this happened to my friend.. he is gay, has a child with a female gay 'friend' at the time.. he saw the baby once.. this was incredibly distressing for him but it is something you need to consider.

Focus on the fostering and see how you fare.. and keep it in mind for a few years down the line.

^this. There's a lot to consider with surrogacy and them not giving up the baby is a huge one. You can’t be paid for being a surrogate, only have expenses covered which is why not that many people here are willing to do it. I assume you’d be using donor eggs, but that increases the cost even more.

About the bit I bolded though, these days that wouldn't happen unless you were paying to adopt from another country (which costs about 35k) because if you fall pregnant during the adoption process, or even after the child has come to live with you but before the adoption order is granted, then the adoption falls through.

OP, I’m assuming you’re 32 so you have plenty of time to decide. Fostering will I’m sure be an eye opener and give you great experience of being a parent. Occasionally foster carers end up adopting their foster children as they form such a bond, and even if that doesn’t happen I’m sure it will help you confirm if you really want a biological child or if you’d be equally as happy adopting.

In terms of raising money, which will be sensible however you decide to have a family, have you decided which agency (or LA) you'll be fostering through and do you know the likely fostering income? Check out the up your income board for ideas for income earners that could fit around fostering (especially if you end up with school age children)

matt.warman83

Yes we are really open to the idea of a foster placement ending up as an adoption. We have no problems with that at all. If we can end up providing a loving permanent home for a child then great! The fostering agency we are going through pay a fee of £380 per week per child.
The length of time its going to take us to save up for surrogacy will be at least a couple of years so we have no concerns about it interfering with the fostering.
When we eventually do get the opportunity to do the surrogacy it will be what is known as 'traditional' where the surrogate donates her own egg and uses either one of our sperm. Dependent on the surrogates own personal circumstances we are looking at anything from £7000 to £15000. This is why we want to start think of money making ideas now so that any extra money we get will be put away in the surrogacy fund.
Again, not opposed to adoption at all but its the selfish yearning for our own children that keeps us wanting to take the surrogacy route.

meritaten

Sorry - but this emphasis on your 'yearning for our OWN child' is worrying me. most of your posts are about 'surrogacy' and your OWN child. are you sure you are right for fostering? because you could have a foster child long term and I would worry that if a natural child came along, the foster child may well be second best.

matt.warman83

meritaten wrote: »

Sorry - but this emphasis on your 'yearning for our OWN child' is worrying me. most of your posts are about 'surrogacy' and your OWN child. are you sure you are right for fostering? because you could have a foster child long term and I would worry that if a natural child came along, the foster child may well be second best.

And is there anything wrong with wanting your own child? In my eyes, no there isn't!
And the post IS about surrogacy, not fostering. I merely mentioned that we were going through the fostering process. No child in our care would be made to feel second best. We have been through a rigorous process for the fostering so far and still not finished so we are more than aware of what could happen and we will be prepared for any eventuality.
A foster child will never be our own child and according to our social worker the chances that we would have the chance to adopt a foster child that's been in our care is very slim as the local authorities want you to keep your bedrooms free for future foster children. If they know the child will not be going back to their real parents then they will be looking for adopters whilst the child is with their foster carer.

JIL

I just wanted to wish you the very best of luck, you sound like you have a lot of love to give to children, whether fostered adopted or your own.

matt.warman83

JIL wrote: »

I just wanted to wish you the very best of luck, you sound like you have a lot of love to give to children, whether fostered adopted or your own.

Thank you Jil that is really nice of you to say:)

theoretica

What you want money for doesn't really affect how you earn it. I suggest you have a look at the Boost your Income board if you haven't already http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.php?s=&daysprune=&f=145