Surrogacy

TonyMMM

heuchera wrote: »

It's mindboggling (to me) that prostitution/soliciting is illegal in this country but surrogacy is legal (albeit just about). A grown woman is not allowed to sell her body, but she can sell her baby :think: Go figure!

Prostitution isn't illegal in this country - (but there are offences relating to how prostitution is carried out/offered , such as soliciting in the street).

Surrogacy for payment is not allowed, and surrogacy contracts cannot be enforced - so if the mother changes her mind when the baby is born she is quite entitled to do so

LilElvis

Topcat1982 wrote: »

The woman who gives birth to the child is not the mother. She is not related to the baby

Not always true. Surrogacy can use the Intended Mother's eggs, the surrogate's eggs or those from a donor.

Jackieboy

You've mentioned fostering and you've mentioned surrogacy but you don't seem to have considered adoption and I wonder why. I know that you've said that fostering can turn into adoption but this isn't normally the intention and the roles of foster carer and parent can be quite different.

If you were to adopt (perhaps a sibling group) then the children would both be equally yours rather than surrogacy which is rather one sided.

heuchera

Topcat1982 wrote: »

The woman who gives birth to the child is not the mother. She is not related to the baby

Legally she is.
And morally she is, but we'll leave that aside for now.
The baby is hers until she decides to give it up for adoption. In other words to the surrogate.

TonyMMM wrote: »

Surrogacy for payment is not allowed, and surrogacy contracts cannot be enforced - so if the mother changes her mind when the baby is born she is quite entitled to do so

You are right on the 2nd part but not the first. Hence the OP's quandary! He wants to raise money to pay a surrogate.

Jackieboy

Topcat1982 wrote: »

The woman who gives birth to the child is not the mother. She is not related to the baby

That depends on what happens afterwards.

As in any adoption, she'll always be the child's birth mother.

LilElvis

heuchera wrote: »

A grown woman is not allowed to sell her body, but she can sell her baby :think: Go figure!

The payments a surrogate can receive are limited to reimbursement of her expenses, monetary losses incurred by the pregnancy, life insurance etc. She is not allowed to make a financial gain.

Perhaps it is an alien concept to you but surrogates, egg donors and sperm donors aren't in it for the money, because the law does not allow it - they do it to help others achieve their dream of having a baby.

LilElvis

heuchera wrote: »

Legally she is.
And morally she is, but we'll leave that aside for now.
The baby is hers until she decides to give it up for adoption. In other words to the surrogate.



You are right on the 2nd part but not the first. Hence the OP's quandary! He wants to raise money to pay a surrogate.

They are not going to "pay a surrogate", they are going to reimburse her expenses and monetary losses and pay for certain allowable costs. That is all that the UK law permits.

If you want a better understanding of what surrogacy in the UK really entails then look at sites such as Cots and Surrogacy UK.

cyantist

heuchera wrote: »

Most (sensible) countries do not allow surrogacy, and rightly so

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surrogacy_laws_by_country

Reading through the laws I am astounded that it's countries like Russia and Georgia where a gay couple can use a surrogate and the woman who gave birth to the child isn't legally recognised as a parent at all, whereas in other countries they ban it completely and say have fertility treatments or womb transplants instead. That hardly helps a gay couple does it?

Jackieboy wrote: »

You've mentioned fostering and you've mentioned surrogacy but you don't seem to have considered adoption and I wonder why. I know that you've said that fostering can turn into adoption but this isn't normally the intention and the roles of foster carer and parent can be quite different.

If you were to adopt (perhaps a sibling group) then the children would both be equally yours rather than surrogacy which is rather one sided.

I'm sure the OP would probably have considered it at some point. Personally I'd rather have a child that is not biologically related to either me or my husband, than one that is only biologically related to one of us. However adoption is not that easy. I don't doubt that op and partner would be approved, especially with fostering experience. But especially with a sibling group you're effectively asking one person to give up earning for the next several years at least and that isn't easy to afford. Plus these children have so many issues and are so much harder to parent than a child born through a surrogate.

Adoption is great, and I really want to do it myself but it's hard and it's definitely not for everyone. The op says they want a biological child, but then suggests it's not the genetics that matter, but the fact that they want a healthy, not-damaged child that they can see grow up from a very young age. That's not an unusual thing to want.

heuchera

LilElvis wrote: »

They are not going to "pay a surrogate", they are going to reimburse her expenses and monetary losses and pay for certain allowable costs. That is all that the UK law permits.

That's just semantics. It amounts to the same. Typically they get £7000-£15000.

I totally understand why some might consider surrogacy but I can certainly see why many countries ban it, whether commercial or altruistic.

I must say I am surprised it is allowed here.

duchy

heuchera wrote: »

Sorry, forgive my ignorance but is surrogacy even legal in the UK? It's always been controversial. To ask a woman to carry and give birth to a child then give it away is going to be fraught with potential problems, ethically/morally as well as financially.

I would think adoption might be a better choice. I think they accept gay couples as prospective adoptive parents these days.

Yes it is legal

Yes Adoption societies cannot reject a couple on the grounds of their sexuality

Why do you feel adoption is preferable to adoption for this particular couple ? Maybe it is just that for you if you had to choose your personal preference would be for adoption ?