Estranged parents

Person_one

If your brother is sick of 'being the messenger' then he needs to take that up with his dad. From the sounds of it you've never asked him to be a messenger, you've just been on the receiving end!

Be sympathetic to your brother though, explain that you love him and are glad to be part of each other's lives, you're sorry that dad is giving him grief, but that you will not be having contact with your dad for any reason at all, and that you will of course always be around to support him if your dad treats him badly.

itsanne

Mojisola wrote: »

I would make it clear to your brother that you don't want to receive any messages - whatever your brother gets from him stops there - he doesn't have to pass anything on to you.

I'd go further - he shouldn't pass anything on to you.

Hopefully if your brother stops passing things on he'll stop being expected to pass anything on too.

paddy's_mum

vroombroom wrote: »

He's awful to my brother too

Clearly, not yet awful enough but as the old saying goes "give him enough rope..."

trolleyrun

If you email your father he'll know he's getting to you. Tell your brother you don't want any info from/about your father. If he knows no info is getting through he might stop hassling your brother although don't expect it to.

I cut all contact with my father a long time ago and the rest of my relatives have respected my decision by not telling me anything about him.

Pollycat

vroombroom wrote: »

This brings me to my dilemma. I have moved on with my life, he is a thing of the past and is not included in my future. Do I email and basically tell him to eff off and stop hassling my brother? or do I leave it well alone?x

I would advise against this.
I think it just may give your Father an 'in' to you that he may not have had before.

What if he then starts bombarding you with nasty emails?

If your brother is an adult, if he no longer wants to be the messenger, it's up to him to tell your Father that.

I would also start telling your brother 'I don't want to hear, I'm not interested' whenever he starts telling you about what your Father has said or done.

vroombroom

Thanks for the advice folks. It has escalated in the last 24 hours with my receiving random texts and voicemails off him at silly times of the morning, now my bro is annoyeed with me as I won't get in contact.
!!!!!!! families eh?!

RuthnJasper

vroombroom wrote: »

Thanks for the advice folks. It has escalated in the last 24 hours with my receiving random texts and voicemails off him at silly times of the morning, now my bro is annoyeed with me as I won't get in contact.
!!!!!!! families eh?!

So sorry to hear this. But really, I don't think your brother is being reasonable in his annoyance at you. You seem to have been very clear with him about your wishes regarding contact with your father. The fact that he has ignored them is surely his problem and he is making things worse for himself in the long term.


Is it your father or your brother who is texting/voice-mailing you at daft o'clock? If the former, block the number. Otherwise, switch the 'phone off until a sensible time.


Good luck in any case. It sounds like a very difficult situation, and I wish you happier times ahead. x

euronorris

You need to stand firm and just say that you are not responsible for your father's actions, and have no control over them. Nor do you wish to receive any messages. Any you do receive, will be ignored and you advise him to take the same tactic with your dad.


Right now, your dad knows that the messages are annoying enough to your brother for him to pass them on. So it's worth it to him. If he starts ignoring them completely, he'll probably get bored (though can't guarantee that).


Either way, it's for your brother to deal with. Not you.

vroombroom

RuthnJasper wrote: »

So sorry to hear this. But really, I don't think your brother is being reasonable in his annoyance at you. You seem to have been very clear with him about your wishes regarding contact with your father. The fact that he has ignored them is surely his problem and he is making things worse for himself in the long term.


Is it your father or your brother who is texting/voice-mailing you at daft o'clock? If the former, block the number. Otherwise, switch the 'phone off until a sensible time.


Good luck in any case. It sounds like a very difficult situation, and I wish you happier times ahead. x

Sorry, he has been contacting my brother about me.

Thank you x

Pollycat

RuthnJasper wrote: »

Is it your father or your brother who is texting/voice-mailing you at daft o'clock?

I'd ask this question too, I don't know if you've missed the word 'brother' from your update or if it's you getting the calls from your Father.

I too think your brother is being lesz than fair by being annoyed at you.

If your Father doesn't have your contact details, I'd be concerned that your brother might pass them on to stop your Father bombarding him.