Estranged parents

vroombroom

Afternoon :-)

Just after some advice.

I've posted on here before about my father. I have been estranged from him for 4 years.

Without going over and over, I stopped talking to him after my son was born as he called me a cr8p mum, said I was never wanted and he wanted to abort me, he was going to call SS and get my son taken off me, he would call my LL and get us evicted, he would get me sacked....these are just a few of things I put up with before I finally snapped and cut off contact with him.

So my brother is still in contact with him and every few months, he'll play the sympathy card to my bro and how I am awful cos I don't contact, he has never met his grandson etc.....my brother sees him out of guilt.

Anyway it has kicked off today as my brother has received a string of text messages and angry voicemail messages from him as he's discovered I got married last year. My brother is - in his words - sick of being the messenger.

This brings me to my dilemma. I have moved on with my life, he is a thing of the past and is not included in my future. Do I email and basically tell him to eff off and stop hassling my brother? or do I leave it well alone?x

KxMx

Leave well alone. It's up to your Brother to say no more to your Dad.

It's between them not anything to do with you.

Perhaps this may prompt your Brother to find a happier relationship with Dad ie by cutting down/out contact

vroombroom

KxMx wrote: »

Leave well alone. It's up to your Brother to say no more to your Dad.

It's between them not anything to do with you.

Perhaps this may prompt your Brother to find a happier relationship with Dad ie by cutting down/out contact

I wish he would. He's awful to my brother too but he's too soft to say anything negative to him x

thank you!

Vikipollard

Leave it and move on.

Your brother needs to tell him to stop involving him (your brother). But he needs to mean it - as soon as he starts, your brother stops him, deletes the texts and deletes voicemail. If he no longer wants contact with your Dad, then he could block the phone number.

Mupette

As already been said.

Maybe your brother will eventually do the same as you, just make sure you do not influence him on this decision.

KxMx

Been in a similar place to you OP, brother is the one who cut Dad out, I persisted for quite a few years, reached my breaking point last year and now I think brother had the right idea all along lol.

I never judged brother and he never judged me.

My brother may well have thought me too soft but I did do it in the end

marleyboy

My Brother still occasionally sees his Dad. I have not seen IT in nearly 30 Years, he tries to pull the sympathy card out over my Son to my Brother but its lost on him.

My Son has grandparents who love him already, IT has more chance of me wasting my urine on ITS grave than having any part in my Son.

DUTR

vroombroom wrote: »

Afternoon :-)

Just after some advice.

I've posted on here before about my father. I have been estranged from him for 4 years.

Without going over and over, I stopped talking to him after my son was born as he called me a cr8p mum, said I was never wanted and he wanted to abort me, he was going to call SS and get my son taken off me, he would call my LL and get us evicted, he would get me sacked....these are just a few of things I put up with before I finally snapped and cut off contact with him.

So my brother is still in contact with him and every few months, he'll play the sympathy card to my bro and how I am awful cos I don't contact, he has never met his grandson etc.....my brother sees him out of guilt.

Anyway it has kicked off today as my brother has received a string of text messages and angry voicemail messages from him as he's discovered I got married last year. My brother is - in his words - sick of being the messenger.

This brings me to my dilemma. I have moved on with my life, he is a thing of the past and is not included in my future. Do I email and basically tell him to eff off and stop hassling my brother? or do I leave it well alone?x

You just get on with your life, you only get one life (doubters welcome to prove differently) , not sure why the other bits about your dad saying this n that.

duchy

Your brother is an adult.
Just as you chose to break contact with your Dad and didn't expect him to tell you whether you should or not .......so should you not try to influence him one way or the other.

What was right for you may or may not be right for him. It's his decision - to make.
It isn't your place to email your Dad - you've chosen to break contact and meddling with his affairs with other family members serves no useful purpose except to possibly made the situation between him and your brother worse- and potentially could lead to strained relations between you and your brother too.

heuchera

If your brother's sick of being the messenger he should just stop being the messenger.

Mojisola

vroombroom wrote: »

Anyway it has kicked off today as my brother has received a string of text messages and angry voicemail messages from him as he's discovered I got married last year. My brother is - in his words - sick of being the messenger.

I would make it clear to your brother that you don't want to receive any messages - whatever your brother gets from him stops there - he doesn't have to pass anything on to you.