No initiative

foolofbeans

I have two teenagers at home all the time. One is home-educated and the other dropped out of college and is supposed to be looking for an apprenticeship.
My biggest issue is their lack of initiative. They have none! While I understand this is the teenagers way of life I really need them to be thinking about the future.
Home-ed child does as little work as possible so I have been setting minimum time limits. This results in one piece of work being dragged out for much longer than is necessary. I have now started to refuse wifi access or going out until an appropriate amount of work is done.
The other teenager chose to get excluded from college and appears to be really enjoying their time out. I have taken them to the youth job club each week and have adjusted their CV and have nagged at them to find a job. They have done nothing without me suggesting or ordering it and I'm really fed up with it now. I do NOT want them sat about the house living through Facebook and making no effort to have a future or contribute to the house.
Am I expecting too much? If you know you need a job why wait until somebody tells you daily to look for one? :mad: If you know you have exams coming up then why not study? :mad:
I don't think it's a lot to ask that they do what is necessary to have a decent future and I really wish they would show some initiative so I don't feel like I'm telling the what to do all the time. I am at the stage where I am looking to take away the treats (wifi, lifts for going out) and cracking the whip. I just hoped they would show an ounce of common sense and work towards their future (even just a little bit) as if they helped themselves a little I would help them a lot.

view

Do what my mum (and many other parents do) and say if you want to stay here it's £x a month rent. Cue 'but I can't move out, I don't have the money' etc, well then, get a job. End of! You've been very kind to them so far - provided all you can provide, it's now time for a bit of tough love.

Wish you all the best - it's a rocky road!

Person_one

How old is the home educated teenager? Is home ed still the right option for them if you are struggling to motivate them and they aren't performing to their best?

Do you use any positive incentives or have any quality time doing nice things or is it all nagging, ordering and punishment based?

Your home environment sounds spectacularly unpleasant at the moment!

BigAunty

Though it is pitched at an older teenager who claims to suffer from anxiety, there is plenty of advice on how to motivate lazy teens who won't help out round the house and are glued to PCs/phones in this thread.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5387856

missbiggles1

How old are they and why have you chosen to home educate the younger one?

BigAunty

Why is the home educated son being dropped off a job club or have I misunderstood this? What qualifications is he studying for? Are you hoping he might get a part time job on top of his studies? Has he been applying directly for jobs advertised on the internet off his own back or just the odd one at the job club, if at all?

Is the job seeking elder son eligible for JSA and if so, is he signing on for JSA? If eligible for JSA and he's not signing on, why not? Has he indicated any type of preference for a type of job or career - what area of work is his apprenticeship in?

By signing on for JSA, he will be able to contribute towards household bills (you could show take him through all the household bills so he gains an understanding of the true cost of supporting him) and take off a majority of the JSA, leaving pocket money and travel money to interviews.

The JSA staff will set him minimum jobs to apply for each week and will sanction his benefits if he is as lazy towards his job seeking with them as he is with you.

My dad also objected to my brother 'lounging' in bed when unemployed and used to tip him out of bed and push him out the door (I am not advocating this aggressive type of behaviour), just saying that my parents response to my brothers preference long lie ins and staying in the house all day was to exclude him from the house and make it less comfortable.

EDIT - sorry, for some reason I misread the post and assumed they were teenage boys. From a glance at the OPs older posts, I think she is referring to her daughter who is impressed with the poor behaviour of the OPs niece whose relationship broke down her parents and she moved into the OPs household, only to be kicked out of college.

barbarawright

foolofbeans wrote: »

I have two teenagers at home all the time. One is home-educated and the other dropped out of college and is supposed to be looking for an apprenticeship.
My biggest issue is their lack of initiative. They have none! While I understand this is the teenagers way of life I really need them to be thinking about the future.
Home-ed child does as little work as possible so I have been setting minimum time limits. This results in one piece of work being dragged out for much longer than is necessary. I have now started to refuse wifi access or going out until an appropriate amount of work is done.
The other teenager chose to get excluded from college and appears to be really enjoying their time out. I have taken them to the youth job club each week and have adjusted their CV and have nagged at them to find a job. They have done nothing without me suggesting or ordering it and I'm really fed up with it now. I do NOT want them sat about the house living through Facebook and making no effort to have a future or contribute to the house.
Am I expecting too much? If you know you need a job why wait until somebody tells you daily to look for one? :mad: If you know you have exams coming up then why not study? :mad:
I don't think it's a lot to ask that they do what is necessary to have a decent future and I really wish they would show some initiative so I don't feel like I'm telling the what to do all the time. I am at the stage where I am looking to take away the treats (wifi, lifts for going out) and cracking the whip. I just hoped they would show an ounce of common sense and work towards their future (even just a little bit) as if they helped themselves a little I would help them a lot.

What sort of education is home educated kid getting? I'm assuming there's more to it that just being set tasks. Why was the other kid excluded from college? Sounds as if there's more going on that just two lazy teenagers (as most teenagers are)

System

foolofbeans wrote: »

I do NOT want them sat about the house living through Facebook and making no effort to have a future or contribute to the house.

While these things are available they will be the more attractive option, unless access to it is policed.

SailorSam

Could you get them involved into any clubs, if they some sort of hobby which may makr them more responsible.

BigAunty

SailorSam wrote: »

Could you get them involved into any clubs, if they some sort of hobby which may makr them more responsible.

Good idea.

Perhaps some voluntary work that has a degree of responsibility to it, orperhaps something like the Army/RAF/Navy cadets (there's also civilian equivalent where the members achieve badges and train in different areas but I can't remember what it's called)?

The Princes Trust seems to offer fab programmes for young people, both community and work based.


https://www.princes-trust.org.uk/

DomRavioli

Stop the wifi/internet, charge them rent (or they can move out if they don't like it), and start parenting. Good kids make tough choices but they respect themselves and others; you're offering free food, bed, wifi, gas, electricity, probably a laundry and maid service as well with no reason to do anything as you will keep on providing regardless of what they do.

Get tough.