Private/Prep School or State school?

littlej0hn

Probably a bit of a marmite subject but if you could afford to, would you send your kids to Private/Prep school or a State School?

Our eldest will be off to School in September and we want to do all we can to help our boys reach their full potential. Never thought we would be able to afford it, but by tightening up we should be able to get them both through a private school in the hope they would pass their 11+ and get into a Grammar School. The prices at secondary jump up way beyond our reach.

A colleague of mine has very positive things to say about private schooling as some of his nephews have turned into well rounded individuals and achieved so much.

Another colleague on the other hand has no such intentions as she has seen cousins flunk/fail miserably.

I tend to think it is down to the individual. If they turn out like my wife then state school would be fine. If they turn out like me, then they'll need a kick up the backside to get going! In which case a private school environment may be the answer.

I know everyone’s situation is different, but what are your opinions?
Also for those in the know, what kind of unexpected expenses might we encounter along the way?

jackyann

One of the issues is who you mix with. Some independent schools have extensive charitable funding and a foundation which encourages social responsibility. As well as the well-off, they have an ethos that attracts families who don't have a great deal of spare money.

Other private schools attract the kind of people who know the price of everything and the value of nothing. This can mean that your kids become friendly with those who expect expensive gifts, holidays, outings etc.

How secure is your future financial situation?

Talk to people who really know local schools and get a feel for what they say. I've known families who use all kinds of schools and nothing trumps having a family that is interested and enthusiastic.

I personally wouldn't have wished my kids anything but the decent comprehensive education they had, which has left them not only academically successful, but well rounded individuals who can get on with just about anybody (indeed, all their work evaluations comment on their team work and sociability)

DigForVictory

Do you want your children to form a robust network of good connections? Get a lot of good grades at GCSE level? Go to a Russell University?
Become a school governor & help make it happen for every child in the school.

As I escaped a results farm which cost my parents plenty & left me educated but damaged. I'll not pay to have my children get splendid GCSEs & have their personalities compromised to get results.

When you admire the dazzling gems of children showing you around, consider who has done what cutting & polishing to get those results.

TBagpuss

a lot depends on the schools in your area. As Dig for Victory says, one thing you can do is to become involved with the local state schools and support them in offering better opportunities to all of the local children, not just yours. You can alsways spend some of the money you save on school fees in paying for additional support if they ned it for specifc subjects, paying for evening classes if they want to take subjects not offered at their state school, or paying for sports activities if their talents / interests lie in that direction.

Another consideration is that you don't yet know, if your children are just starting at school, what their strengths and weaknesses are or will be, and how they would benefit most.

Given that you don;t anticipate being able to afford school fees oncethey turn 11, you also have to consider what pressure that may put on them. Are they cogoing to end up feeling that they are failures, if they don't manage to win a scholarship, and then have to change school and start fresh without knowing anyone? What if one child wins a scholarship and the other doesn't?

Personally I would stick with the state system, and usesome of the money saved to cover the costs of out of school activities.

Savvy_Sue

Unexpected expenses: EVERYTHING will be extra. Uniform - school socks at £5 per pair from Harrods, anyone? Alternatives from the supermarket unlikely to be available / acceptable. And that's a good few years ago. Transport to school: your responsibility entirely, no help or provision from the local authority. After school clubs, likely to be extra. And so on.

Also if it turns out the child has special needs, there's no provision for 'statementing' in the private sector. While extra help may be available within the classroom because of lower teacher:pupil ratios, it doesn't have to be provided. Goodness knows it's hard enough in the state sector, but at least there are avenues to go down. Private school doesn't have to do anything.

We kept ours in the state sector. They were bright (in some areas very bright!) and they were fortunately very well catered for. At primary level they were stretched beyond the normal curriculum where they needed it, even when attending schools with large numbers of children with special needs. I really felt the schools were glad to have them.

One of their cousins didn't fare as well: again, obviously very bright, but school did not want him stretched and kept saying he was only average. As the parents said, "If it was trampolining, it would be fine for us to encourage that, but because it's an academic subject we're supposed to discourage any interest at home because that will cause the school problems." They weren't pushy parents, they knew what they were talking about, one of them taught this subject and could see their child's interest and ability in it.

So they went private, on and off, for all their children.

Personally, I'd have considered private if the state schools I could get mine to weren't adequate. But I'd have done it reluctantly.

missbiggles1

Given that many people can't afford 13 years of private education it's often better to send your child to a state primary and private secondary rather than the other way round.

theoretica

It doesn't just depend on the individual family and child, but on the schools - private schools vary hugely, and so do state ones, and a really great school for one kid could be completely wrong for someone else.

For passing the 11+ you as parents can do a huge amount to help - make books, maths and serious discussion interesting parts of everyday family life.

ViolaLass

All kids need to learn at primary is to read, write and count. Parents can look after that. (I went to a state primary and a private secondary)

Savvy_Sue

BTW, I think it's quite cruel to send a child to a very academic private school if it's a struggle for them to keep up. Although it's equally true at secondary level for some state schools. At the one the boys attended it was in theory possibly NOT to be entered for 10 GCSEs, but from talking to other parents it was clear that you had to be really determined to get your child onto the NVQs and vocational options!

lush_walrus

We send all of ours to the same prep school. We chose the school rather than consciously opt for state or fee paying. We wanted a small friendly school, that wasn't driven by stats or academic but had a strong ethic and a school that was able to choose the child rather than given the child through proximity. Those were our preferences and this specific school met those points with 20 pupils per year and a holistic teaching ethos.

I too am a believer that a child can excel at any school if they are driven however I also believe intrinsic to that is having an interest in learning and a happy safe learning environment.

If you are unclear which way to go I would recommend visiting all manor or schools to gauge what each schools driver is and choose on that basis rather than on a definition. With state and public schools alike there are good and bad versions, paying does not remove that risk...

lush_walrus

Oh and one other point, the dream of by passing paying for secondary school and your child gaining entrance to a grammar is one shared by 80 percent of parents. It depends on your area, but ours has one secondary grammar which often features in The Times list, and 7 fee paying schools within a 2 mile radius and state schools on top of that.

Many parents whatever the tactic for prep wish their children could gain a place at the grammar, however reality is 90 percent who want to gain a place will not. Although most pass the entrance exams only the top 10 percent or so actually gain a place.

As I say this is an exceptional grammar, perhaps not all are as competitive, none the less you may wish to form a plan B.