Emptied house after seperation

Savvy_Sue

Gavin83 wrote: »

Are people seeing a different post to me? I can't actually see any suggestion of violence or abuse. I don't really even think he's doing anything wrong if he's taking back what is effectively his property, even if he is being a bit extreme. Should he just leave everything he owns behind?

I'm just wondering what the reaction would be if the chap had come on and said something like

"after a furious argument with my g/f of seven years, we're splitting up. We're in a joint council tenancy and I've done a lot to improve it. I want to remove everything I own, and all trace of everything I did to improve the property: carpets, curtains, log burner, cooker, built-in shelves, velux window in the loft etc. Can I just rip it all out and leave her with nothing? The original furniture was hers, but I paid for all the replacements."

I do hope at least a few people would be responding along the lines of "take what's not built-in, ideally wave goodbye to anything fitted, and make good any damage you do if you feel you HAVE to rip out the log burner".

tomtontom

bearcat16 wrote: »

I agree.

I can't believe how some on here have jumped from him taking his own stuff to 'he's a violent abuser! Call the police! Go to a refuge! He's obviously about to murder someone! Everyone in the street should run for their lives!'

Poor bloke!


It's obvious; being cheated on I'll bet.

Because it's a man? If this was a woman removing their own property the advice would be very different, most would be saying to get everything they can and ask Women's Aid etc for support in doing so.

fabforty

The problem is that this is his home, he has been living there with your MIL for years and is on the tenancy agreement. There is nothing in your post to suggest that he is violent or abusive - he did what many women do in the same situation (i.e. take whatever they feel they deserve). The items that he has taken from the house are just as much his as hers - presumably for the past seven years they have both contributed to the household, so trying to ascertain who owns what is going to be virtually impossible.
Do not change the locks - you have no right to do that. Just as he or his family members would have no right to change the locks on your mother in law.
He converted the property, presumably with your MIL knowledge and consent, and if it was done without permission, then I can understand him undoing it before he leaves. Your MIL is just as responsible for having this work done without permission - and before anyone says it, there is nothing to suggest that he bullied her into letting him do the work. It obviously suited them both to have it done and it is better for her if it is gone when he goes.
He might be acting like a bit of a tit, but I don't see an 'abusive, violent humiliated man on the rampage'.

Guest101

gb61 wrote: »

hi, my heart goes out to her, very scary, after reading all the posts I would think he could be arrested for criminal damage ( the house is council) and therefore a injunction against him not to return to the house, as said help him move the quicker the better, charity shops will help out with furniture etc, but one move at a time 1st, get him out, then start to rebuild your home,

Absolute nonsense.

Pixie5740

OP, your soon-to-be MIL might find this guide from Shelter useful:

Relationship Breakdown

They are joint tenants so he is legally allowed to enter the property so sorting out the tenancy is probably what needs to be sorted first. The rest of it, furniture and appliances are only things. You'd be pleasantly surprised at what you can pick up for little or no cost of Gumtree, Freecycle and charity shops such as the British Heart Foundation.

steeeb

The council aren't interested as he's not smashed windows or anything like that.

Shelter couldn't help either.

We've been back to the house and he's removed spindles from the stairs and all the curtains and blinds - it's getting beyond a joke now.

He's been constantly texting the MIL at 4am in the morning says he loves her etc. A few days ago he said he's took everything now and will be out on Saturday and he'll sign the tenancy over. Although I think the curtains, blinds and spindles were after he said that - so no idea what he's going to do.

Just want him out the house and out of our lives so she can sort everything out.

All the furniture etc. is no problem, we can pick up loads of stuff off eBay for cheap and hire a van no doubt - but stuff like carpets, spindles etc. are going to prove more tricky -- and goes to show how much of a mentalist he is - he's obviously got no use for them going forward.

The MIL and all the family are at the house tidying up and hopefully he goes tomorrow - if not I suspect it's going to get a bit nasty as I don't think the family are going to sit around much longer "doing nothing".

Thanks for all the advice everyone, although it seems there's not much that can be done (which seems strange).

Will keep you updated.

Savvy_Sue

Pixie5740 wrote: »

They are joint tenants so he is legally allowed to enter the property so sorting out the tenancy is probably what needs to be sorted first.

Agree absolutely.

Pixie5740 wrote: »

The rest of it, furniture and appliances are only things. You'd be pleasantly surprised at what you can pick up for little or no cost of Gumtree, Freecycle and charity shops such as the British Heart Foundation.

True enough, if it was only 'stuff' he was taking. But it sounds as if he is damaging the property and not 'making good', eg by taking out shelves, and possibly also removing the log burner. Also questions about whether or not the cooker has been safely disconnected.

Obviously we don't know for sure IF he intends to remove the Velux window, for example, but that's not a minor job to make good!

Guest101

steeeb wrote: »

The council aren't interested as he's not smashed windows or anything like that. - Good. They shouldn't be. He's not broken any laws.

Shelter couldn't help either. - I imagine they did their best to be helpful though, as they always (or very often) are

We've been back to the house and he's removed spindles from the stairs and all the curtains and blinds - it's getting beyond a joke now. - All still his property?

He's been constantly texting the MIL at 4am in the morning says he loves her etc. - Has she asked him to stop? A few days ago he said he's took everything now and will be out on Saturday and he'll sign the tenancy over. Although I think the curtains, blinds and spindles were after he said that - so no idea what he's going to do. - Well if it's his property, then whatever he likes?

Just want him out the house and out of our lives so she can sort everything out. - It's his house. So I want, doesn't always get.

All the furniture etc. is no problem, we can pick up loads of stuff off eBay for cheap and hire a van no doubt - but stuff like carpets, spindles etc. are going to prove more tricky -- and goes to show how much of a mentalist he is - he's obviously got no use for them going forward. - Did you offer to buy it from him? Or were you (your MIL) expecting a gift?

The MIL and all the family are at the house tidying up and hopefully he goes tomorrow - if not I suspect it's going to get a bit nasty as I don't think the family are going to sit around much longer "doing nothing". - Well then he'll have to call the police and they can lock them all up.

Thanks for all the advice everyone, although it seems there's not much that can be done (which seems strange). - In what way?

Will keep you updated.

You think it's strange that a person is entitled to take their property with them?

enthusiasticsaver

He is obviously pretty bitter and angry and is acting a bit like an idiot IMHO but then people often do in a break up (both sexes). I can understand him taking stuff he has purchased but there is a limit and damaging property while removing carpet and stair spindles is ridiculous and shows he is basically a little unhinged. I would be careful.


Once he is out the family can help your MIL with making good and purchasing new furniture and hopefully she can get on with the rest of her life without this man. I can see however why the police don't want to get involved if he has not actually threatened your MIL and is just taking what he sees are his possessions. Did your MIL not contribute financially towards any of these things?

Double_V

I don't think he's mental or childish. If he spent money on those stuff and leaving the house he is entitled to take back all the stuff he has paid for.
He is not causing any harm, just taking things he's paid for.

I don't see anything wrong with that.
Looks like he set up the whole house, and he can use all those stuff to his new place or sell and get some money back.