Emptied house after seperation

steeeb

Thanks for the help and advice. I've passed the information on.

I may go round tonight to speak to him and see what the craic is to get an idea of how far he is going to go and then we can act accordingly.

tea_lover

Please be careful, he doesn't sound like the most reasonable person!

Semple

Wow, taking up the flooring and pulling down shelves is one thing, but to actually remove a Velux window! Surely that's just more effort than its worth.

This surely can't be the result of a "casual" argument.

mel48rose

What makes people behave like this??

BigAunty

mel48rose wrote: »

What makes people behave like this??

I can't remember who said it and it relates to murders but the causes of most violent deaths is when the attacker feels humiliated.

This is something that I've thought about - a lot of murders and other crimes seemed to be undertaken by people who feel slighted in some way.

This humiliation embarrasses them and their shame turns to anger and then they lash back to punish the person they hold responsible.

In terms of domestic abuse, perpetrators have been defined as someone who believes they have certain elevated rights and privileges so behave in such a way to maintain their view of their deserved status, a power imbalance they are keen to promote. The most vulnerable time for a woman in a DA relationship is when she is leaving their partner - the partner will naturally ramp up their abuse to protect their privilege.

I read a book called 'Yob' where a writer analysed the prevalance of public nuisances like verbal abuse and attacks on people in public. For him, it is motivated by people who want to 'perform', hence they need an audience when they try to humiliate others, and the public space is their theatre.

So the ex who is currently on the rampage may feel humiliated by their partner, may be wanting to perform a high profile punishment (its not public but its certainly not the most private of activities to strip out a house), may be wanting to punish their partner for refusing to continue to give them the higher status they feel they deserve.

Certainly they are keen to show how much they have contributed to the household by removing it and indicating their ex doesn't deserve it.

LannieDuck

steeeb wrote: »

Thanks for the help and advice. I've passed the information on.

I may go round tonight to speak to him and see what the craic is to get an idea of how far he is going to go and then we can act accordingly.

Are you in Ireland? That might make a difference to the advice being offered...

yvonne13_2

steeeb wrote: »

Thanks for the help and advice. I've passed the information on.

I may go round tonight to speak to him and see what the craic is to get an idea of how far he is going to go and then we can act accordingly.

OP try not to get heavily involved. His fists might be he way of talking.

Gavin83

Are people seeing a different post to me? I can't actually see any suggestion of violence or abuse. I don't really even think he's doing anything wrong if he's taking back what is effectively his property, even if he is being a bit extreme. Should he just leave everything he owns behind?

bearcat16

Gavin83 wrote: »

Are people seeing a different post to me? I can't actually see any suggestion of violence or abuse. I don't really even think he's doing anything wrong if he's taking back what is effectively his property, even if he is being a bit extreme. Should he just leave everything he owns behind?

I agree.

I can't believe how some on here have jumped from him taking his own stuff to 'he's a violent abuser! Call the police! Go to a refuge! He's obviously about to murder someone! Everyone in the street should run for their lives!'

Poor bloke!

What makes people behave like this??

It's obvious; being cheated on I'll bet.

seven-day-weekend

Yes, he hasn't actually removed the carpets or the loft window, has he, there is just fear that he might.

If he is just taking what he put in, it may not be very nice, but I don't see how it can be said to be unfair.