How to save for starting a future...

enthusiasticsaver

One of the things he should do when he has got a job then is to get some proper legal advice on how to gain access to his daughter. Even if he is not on the birth certificate presumably there is a way to force a paternity test.


As for your financial goals. It is simple. Account for every penny you earn and look for ways to reduce bills, expenses etc and divide the monthly savings according to your priorities. I would echo what others have said and keep your savings separate to your partners' for now and look for ways to encourage him to find some work.

positivelypunked

she won't do DNA testing. tried to pull that one on her.
I'm trying to do the right thing for "us" but I just seem to get confused.

Yeah I'm keeping them seperate and I'll try and encourage him... I don't want to badger him about it all the time though...

indiepanda

If she won't do a DNA test, I wonder if he really is the child's father? If he's providing some money and presents at the moment, I am guessing that would stop if he found out he wasn't the parent.

Anyway, as others have said, his primary objective has to be to get a job.

You are right to keep your savings separate. It might be this man is the one you will spend the rest of your life with, but statistically that isn't likely, so until you are more sure and on more equal footings financially, it's safer all round to keep your money separate.

Good luck - you're showing far more financial sense than I did at your age, was busy getting myself into debt on storecards, not clever.

System

You sound like you've got a sensible head on your shoulders in respect to the fact you're thinking ahead and trying to work out the best ways to save, thats great and something i wish i was capable of myself (i'm nearly 9 years older than you and wish i'd thought like you at 21!)

I think others have pointed out that right now, a child might not be the best option for you. In an ideal world, i think it would be for one thing better to focus on living together first. Well, actually if you're living at home i'd probably recommend trying to save up for 6 months to get some money ready for that. Plus 6 months gives your bf a chance to find a ob, so he can contrubute too. If you're going to save together, then you need to both be saving money, otherwise you're ust going to end up supporting him out of your own pocket (which yes couple do but its not a great foundation to start on if its unequal). I've been with my bf nearly a year and we do want a future together, but we've already agreed that moving in won;t be happening this year (whch is fine by me as it gives me chance to start saving up for when we do), he's currently jobless as well, and making big decisions that cost money (such as moving in, marriage and kids) and all on hold until he gets the ob situation sorted (and until i'm in a better position workwise too).

As i mentioned aboive i am older than you, but i;m at an age where a lot of my friends have their own place, are married, and have kids. And whilst thats great for them, its not the right time for me to have those things. I'd rather wait a few years (even if nature isn't on my side....) and be ready than try and jump in and not be ready for it all.


I'd focus on a few things
1. Your bf focuses all his time and attention on getting a job (after that you can start working out what you need to save for joint things)
2. You save up for driving lessons
3. You put some money aside for your own savings, once employment things with the bf are sorted then you always add this to shared savings
4. Don't be in a rush to do everything, or to try and keep up with your friends. Fo things at your OWN pace, even if it takes a while longer to have kids or get married, its better to be sure and have taken the time than to have rushed into it and possibly regret it.

Mojisola

positivelypunked wrote: »

she won't do DNA testing. tried to pull that one on her.

If a mother won't allow DNA testing for a child, the purported father should stop paying - that's the way the CSA used to work.

If she won't let him prove whether he is the father or not, there's a high chance that he isn't.

If the test goes ahead and he is the father, he can get parental responsibility for his child.