How to save for starting a future...

lika_86

You don't say how old you are but, I hope this isn't offensive but you don't sound like you have a lot of life experience. My advice would be to not rush into anything with this guy just yet to cater to his apparent desire to have a child, especially before you know if you and him work as a couple.

Children and flats (especially if you aren't sharing the financial responsibility with anyone else) are expensive and the more prepared you can be, the better.

surveyqueenuk

I refuse to sugar coat this so here goes...

People don't have a child to see if their relationship will work. They tend to have then because they are confident that their relationships are right for them. Not as some type of irresponsible experiment.

What if the relationship doesn't work? Are you prepared for the possibility of ending up as a single mother on benefits? (Not that there is anything inherently wrong with this, but it does mean financial hardship and coping alone).

I take it that a court has decided that he has no parental rights? If this is the case, please have a good long think about having children with a man who has been ordered to have no contact with his existing daughter. There must be a reason for this. DUTR is spot on about the red flags.

Sorry if this isn't what you want to hear.

PeacefulWaters

This sounds completely messed up.

He's unemployed. Has a child he can't/doesn't see. Distance. You visit him. "Sometimes" he visits you. You're thinking child but don't seem to be thinking about living with him.

Chill out. Forget kids. Give the relationship time to discover if it's worthwhile. See if he makes as much effort as you do. Save as much as you can. But save it in your name and don't tell him how much you've got.

Saving is about spending less than you earn. It's no more complicated than that. More income and/or less spending means more money saved.

Work overtime. Take a second job. Cut out frivolous spending. Coffee and lunch costing £5 a day can free up £100 a month if you replace it with water and a homemade sandwich.

Prioritising your savings is the next step.

Short term predictable:
Home insurance premium, holiday, driving lessons, Christmas and birthdays etc.

Short term unpredictable:
Something will break and need replacing. Tv, laptop, fridge, washing machine etc. Have money set aside for when it does.

Short term contingency fund:
3-6 months net pay set aside to cover the bills if you're ill or lose your job. This money should be ring fenced and never used for anything else.

Medium term:
Replacing a car, getting married, house deposit, tenancy deposit (typically 3-4 months rent).

Longer term:
Retirement (pension), holiday of a lifetime.

The list isn't endless but gives you some feel for organising, prioritising and planning.

Getting a contingency fund in place and making sure that you are maximising your employer's pension contributions would be my priorities.

Not having a child until significant savings are in place would also be right up there. Kids are expensive things that stop all saving instantly.

Mrshaworth2b

positivelypunked wrote: »

To be honest, we haven't made a proper plan together. I told him that I have the savings accounts and how much is in there right now. And he said he'd save money but given his situation we haven't set anything in stone...He doesn't have a job and claims job seekers. So I'm the only one with a "good" enough amount to start us off but worried that I can't do it alone.

for us, we want a child before getting married because He has a daughter with his ex and he isn't allowed to see her so we both want to make sure that he at least gets that chance again to be a dad and to know that we both work (that bit we're putting on hold because we can't actually do anything - he has no parental rights so have to wait really until she's old enough to make up her mind...) From what I've seen we do but marriage to us isn't as important as having a child (not just for him to be a dad again either) .

How much is reasonable to save for a flat?
Like, how much do I need to cover XX Amount of rent (1/6 months advance etc)
and for bills and things? Some things we could probably take with us now my partner has moved into a bedsit (I'm not allowed to move in but I can stay over a few nights)

hm. thinking about it,
Holidays and a car isn't as top priority so i could probablly use the fun saving account to cover that.

Please don't get pregnant just so your partner has another chance if being a dad. That is so the wrong reason.

Live together first, see if you actually work as a partnership before committing to things you cannot change. Live life as a couple, share bills, go on holidays, learn to drive. Because trust me once you have a child, those things become harder to afford. For a short time (for some, a long time) your life becomes smaller when you've had a child because you can't afford to live like you previously had as single people.

I wonder how much you want these things or just want the grown up life, I woder about your age because you do sound immature in your reason to have a child for your partner to have a chance to be a dad again. A child is not a way to right a wrong done to another. I hope you understand that.

positivelypunked

He isn't on the birt certificate but she's making it so hard to see their daughter.
We've been trying for months but he's always being played around because shes stck in this world of her new partner is the "dad"....I knew her from school and shes very much...manipulative and wants things her own way if she doesn't get her own way or exactly what she wants and when, she'll cut you out of her life.

He does visit me but I meant we are still working out who goes up & down and when.

We don't want a child together to see if we work, I know we do because we have done sort of house hold things together, I was trying to say, We both don't want to end up in a situation like his ex. I won't ever stop him seeing our child but we don't want to split either - nothing has happened to make us feel like we are going to split up. I wanted a child before marriage anyway, regardless.

He will be looking for a job as soon as he gets on his feet, he just moved into a bedsit withthe help of his uncle.

I don't have oppertunity for working overtime and I wouldn't really have much time for a second job because I work 8-5 or 9-6 and I don't get home until around 7pm and I have 5.30am wake up calling. I didn't reall want to work at the weekends because I only get them off and I use them to
visit my partner, visit my family...

I'm 21 I know I'm young but I know its what I want,
not right away but Its something I want to work towards.

System

I'd say put housing first, even if overcrowded, then you can avoid rent and ride the rising house prices

System

If you live at your parents while you save you can avoid rent making it far far easier, but be aware of how much you can borrow (affordability calculator- I could only borrow 60k at first so that was a 1 bed leasehold flat) also make sure youre in the pension scheme

DUTR

positivelypunked wrote: »

He isn't on the birt certificate but she's making it so hard to see their daughter.
We've been trying for months but he's always being played around because shes stck in this world of her new partner is the "dad"....I knew her from school and shes very much...manipulative and wants things her own way if she doesn't get her own way or exactly what she wants and when, she'll cut you out of her life.

He does visit me but I meant we are still working out who goes up & down and when.

We don't want a child together to see if we work, I know we do because we have done sort of house hold things together, I was trying to say, We both don't want to end up in a situation like his ex. I won't ever stop him seeing our child but we don't want to split either - nothing has happened to make us feel like we are going to split up. I wanted a child before marriage anyway, regardless.

He will be looking for a job as soon as he gets on his feet, he just moved into a bedsit withthe help of his uncle.

I don't have oppertunity for working overtime and I wouldn't really have much time for a second job because I work 8-5 or 9-6 and I don't get home until around 7pm and I have 5.30am wake up calling. I didn't reall want to work at the weekends because I only get them off and I use them to
visit my partner, visit my family...

I'm 21 I know I'm young but I know its what I want,
not right away but Its something I want to work towards.

Ah 21, I can remember being in a similar set up at your age, I wanted a car so saved liked there was no tomorrow, I worked but also worked 3 nights a week as a DJ whilst doing college as well, once I got the car, the saving went to the deposit for my house, my GF at the time was a single Mum, she did eventually get to work as she had a mindset that there were no jobs!
Fortunately we split after 7 years as family life wasn't for me in my teens lower 20s, we weren't doing the holidays and stuff that young folk could do.
Do save and just see how the relationship pans out.

ecgirl07

Investigate the help to buy isa to start saving for a home.

https://www.helptobuy.gov.uk/?utm_source=ppc&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=htb_nov_mar&gclid=Cj0KEQiAzai0BRCs2Yydo8yptuIBEiQAN3_lFk0sx_16anGzmH-i4A1J3vPZsSqdjfjYzzApH_yYX5YaAslM8P8HAQ

Listen to the "old" heads on here, if your other half doesnt get a job and you are financing everything in 3 months, 6 months then there are red flags, if he doesnt save a relatively equal amount towards your future then there are red flags.

You are 21 and seem to have a sensible money head, let that head lead your heart on the money front.

belfastgirl23

The big question is how much disposable income do you have? There are useful tools on the DFW board - designed to help people who need to make savings in order to pay off debt. Which you luckily don't need to do. But it would give you a good idea of how much money you have left once you've paid all the essentials. Rather than thinking about what you want to spend the money on, I'd say focus on how much you have left, then allocate a proportion of it as 'mad money' if you want and the rest to savings. The isa idea ecgirl07 above mentions is a good idea if you're thinking about house buying - you can always use this money for something else if you decide eg a car is more important.

I would also say that passing your driving test should be a priority - you never know when a job might come up that would increase your income but you would need a clean driving licence for it. And my experience is that it's easier to do the test when you're younger than when you're older.

As for your thoughts on getting pregnant - I'd just say take a big big step back and really think about what it is that you want. Some people do really feel strongly they want to have their children while they're still young, and there are advantages to this. But there are also advantages to being in a financially stable position. For me (and everyone is different) I would definitely want my partner to be working OR to be in a position to take on the majority of the childcare in order to free me up to work. Also from the POV of being part of a family with a lot of single (not by choice, by divorce) mothers - I would always ask 'would I want this child with or without the husband/partner' because my experience is that very often women end up holding the baby on their own. I don't have any answers on this front, except to say that it's something that is worth a lot of thought.

Like the others, from how you've talked here, I would worry a bit about whether your partners ambitions are as clear as yours. Does he just agree with you when you talk about your plans or does he have thoughts and goals of his own? Is he actively jobseeking or retraining? Do you fully understand the reasons why his previous partner is blocking access to his daughter and do you have independent verification of those reasons? The bare facts don't sound great in the way you've put them here but life can be a lot more complex and sometimes there's more going on than you've posted.

But well done for trying to start mapping out a life plan at the age of 21 - I didn't really do this til I was coming up to 30