Closest thing to "civil partnership" for couple who are not same-sex.

Kynthia

I don't think you getting married would cheapen marriage as I think it would be a good reminder to people that essentially marriage is a contract that protects both parties and has financial benefits. Too many people forget that and just see the religious aspects or the wedding celebrations themselves. It annoys me when people say it's just a piece of paper and that their relationship is just as good as those who are married. Of course their relationship is just as good but that piece of paper legally changes things and I just want them to know what those changes are so that they are making an informed choice and can put other protections in place. To me getting married for purely practical reasons is perfectly acceptable and sensible. You can enjoy the wedding celebrations but don't get married just to have them, or not get married because you can't have the wedding celebrations you want.

Petra_70

Kynthia wrote: »

I don't think you getting married would cheapen marriage as I think it would be a good reminder to people that essentially marriage is a contract that protects both parties and has financial benefits. Too many people forget that and just see the religious aspects or the wedding celebrations themselves. It annoys me when people say it's just a piece of paper and that their relationship is just as good as those who are married. Of course their relationship is just as good but that piece of paper legally changes things and I just want them to know what those changes are so that they are making an informed choice and can put other protections in place. To me getting married for purely practical reasons is perfectly acceptable and sensible. You can enjoy the wedding celebrations but don't get married just to have them, or not get married because you can't have the wedding celebrations you want.

Oh yes, it is very definitely NOT just a piece of paper. I can't believe anyone actually thinks this!

As quite a number of folk have said on here; if you want the protection that marriage brings, then get married. I never understand why people refuse to get married. If you love someone, surely you would have no issue with marrying them?

I find it most bizarre when people have been together 20 years or more, and they're not married. Especially if they have children. I have known several couples who are not married and have children, and the children frequently ask when they're getting married.

Most children will prefer their parents to be married, whether the parents realise it or not.

lincroft1710

Petra_70 wrote: »

I find it most bizarre when people have been together 20 years or more, and they're not married.

Why?? "Mrs" lincroft and myself have been together over 20 years and have never bothered or wanted to get married. We have both had 2 failed marriages.

Petra_70

lincroft1710 wrote: »

Why?? "Mrs" lincroft and myself have been together over 20 years and have never bothered or wanted to get married. We have both had 2 failed marriages.

Why do I find it bizarre? I just do. IMO, if you love someone, you would marry them.

Just my opinion, I can't fathom why people don't get married if they love each other.

mgdavid

lincroft1710 wrote: »

Why?? "Mrs" lincroft and myself have been together over 20 years and have never bothered or wanted to get married. We have both had 2 failed marriages.

why couldn't it be a triumph of hope over experience?

Spendless

HanSpan wrote: »

I'm struggling to find anywhere that gives details of what (if any) words are mandatory anywhere in the US. That's one of the things I started this hoping someone else had either already found or knew where to look!
I can find the documents you need and what you have to do before and so on, but not what words must be said .
I found it pretty easy to find the mandatory words for the UK but I am not as familiar with the US government sites so I still haven't found the answer. Ive wandering round some very confusing legalese and plenty of sites offering weddings of all types, but nothing like the very clear bit of the UK govt website that shows the three options for the mandatory words for any wedding here.

It may just be I'm being crappy at searching! I usually find what I need but sometimes I just can't come up with the right combination of words.

Contact someone like here

http://gulfbeachweddings.com/wedding-ceremony-and-vows/

and ask.

coolcait

Spendless wrote: »

Contact someone like here

http://gulfbeachweddings.com/wedding-ceremony-and-vows/

and ask.

That's a really interesting link - and I'm not even thinking of having a wedding or commitment ceremony!

Unfortunately, it probably won't be much use to the OP.

Many of the earlier posts on the thread suggested that it was the folderols and trappings of the wedding industry that were the problem, and/or the statutory wording in England and Wales.

When Scotland was suggested as a venue, the problem that was presented was the fact that the OP has relatives who live in Scotland, and that this could cause family problems. There were also still some wording issues.

The OP has now clarified that that getting married - in any format, in any place, with any wording - is the issue, and is a non-starter. For reasons of principle, and because the other party in the relationship doesn't want to get married.

I hope that your link, and the many other pieces of useful information which have been shared on the thread, will be helpful to others - as they have been to the OP.

HanSpan

Petra_70 wrote: »

Why do I find it bizarre? I just do. IMO, if you love someone, you would marry them.

Just my opinion, I can't fathom why people don't get married if they love each other.

The world would be very a dull place if we all felt the same way. I can't fathom why anyone wants to get married, (other than for the tax and pension benefits)!

HanSpan

coolcait wrote: »

That's a really interesting link - and I'm not even thinking of having a wedding or commitment ceremony!

Unfortunately, it probably won't be much use to the OP.

Many of the earlier posts on the thread suggested that it was the folderols and trappings of the wedding industry that were the problem, and/or the statutory wording in England and Wales.

When Scotland was suggested as a venue, the problem that was presented was the fact that the OP has relatives who live in Scotland, and that this could cause family problems. There were also still some wording issues.

The OP has now clarified that that getting married - in any format, in any place, with any wording - is the issue, and is a non-starter. For reasons of principle, and because the other party in the relationship doesn't want to get married.

I hope that your link, and the many other pieces of useful information which have been shared on the thread, will be helpful to others - as they have been to the OP.

It was an interesting link, and I have also taken the advice of another poster and contacted the registrar equivalent in Austin Texas. We could be married there without having to use any mandatory words. Having gone round it several times thought we have both realised that even if we didn't have specific words we had to say, neither one of us feels willing to actually get married at this point in time.

I don't think I ever misled anyone with my intial questions.
I said right at the beginning neither of us have ever wanted to be married, but we could do with the legal and financial benefits now (not that we have to have them but that we could do with them).
And I explained I was investigating options to see what was available and how close we could get to a civil partnership.

Lots of the responses have been very helpful in sorting out what the options would be so we could think about how they would make us feel, and as I have said several times I do fully get that others don't feel the same and don't understand how I/we feel and that is fine.

I am very gratefull for all the information people have shared, As well as for the discussions with those who have expressed different feelings and opinions without belittling mine!

mai_taylor

I think you are making in far too complicated. Give notice, pop to your local registry office, ceremony is 10 minutes max. You can do it in jeans with two witnesses off the street. Job done.