step children & finances

duchy

So if a family want to go on holiday but the NRP can't afford half the cost of a child's holiday - or simply refuses - do you exclude that child and leave them at home ?

My feeling is if you marry someone with children then you make sure they are treated equally- if that means extra costs so be it.

HappyMJ

Some extra costs you do need to cover yes such as family holidays. The non resident parent of the child pays child support into the household. If that isn't enough money to support a family holiday then as the step parent it's up to you to pay for that child if your income allows. You do not leave that child at home.

If you're getting together with someone usually you combine finances (maybe not joint accounts but on paper at least) including all income that comes in to the household including child support, child tax credit, child benefit and the earnings of both the parent and step parent then pay all the essential expenses from that money. There really shouldn't be a "that's your child therefore your expense" argument especially if the step parent earns so much that all child tax credits are withdrawn from the other parent. That money that has been lost needs to be contributed by the step parent even though it's not their biological child. When you get together with someone with a child you take on some responsibility towards that child.

FBaby

duchy wrote: »

So if a family want to go on holiday but the NRP can't afford half the cost of a child's holiday - or simply refuses - do you exclude that child and leave them at home ?

My feeling is if you marry someone with children then you make sure they are treated equally- if that means extra costs so be it.

I don't think that is the most controversial issue. What might be is most likely to be related to working pattern, ie. can a resident parent expect to work only part-time and expect her new partner who isn't the father of the children to work full-time so she can have more time with the children.

Again, many men would be happy with this, but some might consider that although they are happy to go 50/50 for the cost of the holidays, that it is fair that their partner takes on full-time work to support her kids rather than rely on them. Of course, it gets more complicated when they then have children together.

Indout96

My step son was treated exactly the same as "our" daughter I brought him up from age 3 (he is now 36) and whilst his natural father was in the picture whilst he was younger he paid nothing.
As far as I am concerned they came as a package (mother & son) not as 2 separate people, maybe I would have felt different if he had been a teenager when we met but I hope not.

PeacefulWaters

I treated my two step children as my own emotionally and financially and continued to do so long into adulthood. Including the will. Their natural father invariably contributed nothing.

I left their mum three months ago. I've continued to be as supportive as possible emotionally. They got lower value gifts than my own son did at Christmas though. I'm pondering how to treat them when I change my will post-divorce.

I think you ask a very good question. I feel very comfortable with what i have outlined above.

victor2

No two situations are the same, but discussions and agreements before the relationship becomes permanent are essential. My OH had two very young children before we married and she made it clear they came with her as a package. I made it clear we would not have our own children as the two were enough for me, even though she would have been more than happy for us to have our own.
The biological father (as he is still referred to) was abroad and completely out of the picture. They have met him a few times, but didn't get along and don't want to see him again.
We brought them up as our own children. I'm still their "Dad" and they are both in their 30's now.

Lynxe

My step daughter is treated as my own. Anything she needs comes out of the "shared pot" of our money - There is no mine or yours.

Her biological father contributes some child maintenance, and that goes towards her also.

Anything else that we want, we pay ourselves. We don't ask her father for any contribution towards school fees, out of school activities that we organised or anything we want to do (ie holidays). Equally, he does the same for us - Anything he organised, he has to fund.

JReacher1

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Only crooks do this.

Only idiots don't.

suki1964

I'm a stepmum.

Because when I met my now hubby in a different part of the uk from where his children lived, they never crossed my mind at the start of our relationship

However as we developed as a couple the kids became part of all our decissions, I soon had to accept they would always come first


My husband is the main wage earner now ( was me in the past) but we always look at the kids wants/needs and sometimes they come before ours

If hubby spends on them and then I'm left balencing the books for a month or so then so be it

I took my now hubby as I loved him and my vows say 'richer or poorer". I'd rather be poorer then row over money being spent on non biological kids

74jax

I was a single mum for a long time before marrying hubby. Hubby has been in DDs life for nearly 11 years.

He is not maternal at all, so it tends to me who does the 'emotional' things with DD, he does the 'practical'.

Financially, I have no doubt he'll always be there for her, maybe not forthcoming as myself as he hasn't grown up with her being the first thing he ever considers in anything, but he's there for her none the less.

If we're out he'll pay for everything for us both, and her bf if he is out with us too, he would always be someone we can both depend upon, I have no question.

However, just because he can afford things, doesn't mean DD should have it. She's umming and arghing over uni, big time! I think if she 100% wanted to go, hubby would contribute as her step dad quite considerably, as she really doesn't feel she wants to go - but it's something to do..... - then no, we won't be contributing other than having her at home live with us and supporting her that way, uni fees will be all on her (if indeed she even goes).

Family holidays he has always paid for, even before we got married, as I couldn't have gone without her and couldn't have afforded to pay for us both.

Her actual dad has always paid csa, due to end soon and DD won't get any financial support/help from him for uni or otherwise after that. I will continue to pay for meals out etc as that is how my parents brought me up. Even now if I went out withmy parents for a meal they would be horrified if I even mentioned paying.