KonMari 2016 - The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up

Fen1

My condolences, Greenbee.

I'm very mercurial. Ok one day, despair the next. Trying to make any kind of rational decision can be exhausting, from which toilet paper to buy to filling out tax forms. So, trying to recognise how I feel about my clothes can vary widely from one day to the next. Therefore, trying to make a decision about them sends me into melt-down.

I've been asked to name one thing that brings me joy. My cats are definite fixtures in my life. They shed hair everywhere, drag in mud and scratch the carpet; but OH and I love them, and they love us ( Or at least when there's kitty kibble!)

There's nothing in my home that is ' inspiring' joyful. I really appreciate my comfy bed, the long-handled tongs in the kitchen and my halogen oven.
According to KM, they are 'practical joyful', but they don't exactly have the ooooh factor. Apart from a few unique and irreplaceable items ( an objet made by my late friend, OH's love letters), everything else is totally replaceable . Almost everything we have ( including my ruddy clothes ) are hand-me-downs, charity shop, Freegle, or clearance sale. Theoretically, I could get rid of everything and start again; buy what I want rather than get lumbered with it'll-do's. But it costs money. Refurbishing and restocking simply costs far too much money.

I'm not brave enough to do an arson job.....

........but the fire......all those pretty pretty flames.........

There's a definite pyromania theme on this and the hoarders thread. Having everything burn is somehow far more appealing and healing than just binning or CSing. A cleansing of the past and a signal to the future. I have burnt letters ( as others on here have done), but torching a house is quite a different matter.

greenbee

I dropped a whole lot of stuff at the Purfleet Trust this morning Mavvy. They were delightful, and very grateful. Probably worth giving them a call to see whether there is anything in particular that they need, but seemed happy to have warm clothes and said they'd take clean used underwear and PJs as well. TBH I don't care whether people wear the undies or use them for cleaning cloths, but I suspect they are something that is often in short supply as people think of gloves/hats/coats etc...

I think I've dealt with all the urgent paperwork, but the different financial institutions are driving me nuts. There seems to be no standard process and some don't have a specific bereavement team. The registrar and local bank branch were lovely, as was one life insurance company over the phone. The other was rather vague, and one of the pensions said send a letter and a death cert - and weren't very helpful with what info they needed. It's much easier when they send you forms to fill in. They get the right information that way.

The bank says they'll have informed the organisations that get paid by DD/standing order so hopefully that means we won't get letters from them all.

GreyQueen

There's a charming book called Orchids on Your Budget, by Marjorie Hills, first published in 1937, which I commend to you all.

Fen1's comment brought it to mind because, in the section on clothing, she made reference to the ideal resolution to the clothing problem as being naked with a checkbook (US spelling, of course).

Imagine a clean slate, an ashy pile from which you survive with a small handful of the true treasures and financial resources to re-stock with what you truly love, as opposed to a make-do, hand-me-down life.

I don't disparge such a life, if you waved a magic wand and banished all the charity shop, bootsale, hand-me-downs from my life I'd be sitting here topless in front of an uncurtained window, and would have lost about 90% of all my belongings, across all categories.

Umm, actually, I would have fallen on the floor as my cast-off chair would have vanished too, but you get the idea.

Sometimes, I find it helpful to reconnect with things by tending them. By laundering or brushing them, polishing or re-arranging things. By investing some emotion into our environment, we can make ourselves feel better.

That well-worn garment can still be ironed and hung up, and will look and feel much better than if it's scrunched and flung down. Even faded and tired things acquire a certain dignity in careful use. There's a Japanese word which temporarily escapes me in my tiredness, which means something of the dignity things which are old, and worn and mended gain from respectful use.

This is pretty alien to life in a modern consumer society. We're trained to unthinkingly externalise our emotional states, to want to resolve them by distraction and placating ourselves. Presents instead of being present.

If one is lonely, it is because one doesn't have the right clothes, to go to the right places, or one's home isn't good enough to invite the right people over to. As if the swankiness of your sofa is more important than your kindness, your interest in other people, your ability to make people laugh, to commiserate with their sorrows and stand beside them and yowl at the sheer battiness which is life as a thinking ape who knows it is going to die someday.

There was a famous poet who, if he was feeling down, used to go put on a clean shirt. Which told me two things; he was right and that he didn't have to launder his own shirts.:rotfl:

Siebrie

Even having just one shelf or sidetable or windowsill looking the way you want it to look, can start something better. Even making yourself sort out one baggie, shelf or box can help; only one at a time, and do not stop until everything in it has its place/is in the recycling-donation-bin bag It's contrary to KonMarie, but if KonMarie is too intimidating, you need to start somewhere else.

Good luck and keep at it.

silvasava

Fen1 - you are in good company here. Most of us make use of the CS, Freecycle, barter etc - as recipients as well as donors. I would much rather have a second hand item of a sturdy quality than some of the overpriced shoddy stuff that's on the market. Lots of my clothes have come from CS - I do buy what brings me joy though even if it has been pre-owned!

Fen1

Ah, the dignity of the old faithful. That is certainly true of my grandmother's sewing machine. It is currently waiting for maintenance, and, once done, will be back in action, competing with its plastic upstart offspring. The old Singer has grace and style, the curve of wood and metal, a handsomeness that the modern machine completely lacks. It can also do some tasks better than the new machine. There are some things where form and function come together, and if kept properly, are good servants for years.
However, there is then the witch's broom conundrum; something patched and repaired and patched again, so much so that there is literally nothing left of the the original item. Sometimes - especially for us hoarders who can see use in everything - there must be a time to say goodbye.
I am currently chucking out both mine and Oh's socks, undies and workshirts. If the collar is frayed and the fabric yellowing with sweat, why keep it? Yes., I could take off the collar and cuffs, keep the shirt for use in the garden, but then the garden shirts would start to outnumber the good shirts. You only need so many gardening shirts, and there will always be more on the way.

Siebrie

Gogogo Fen1! keep up the momentum!

Fen1

My last paragraph must have seemed antithetical to my earlier postings. I have no problem chucking stuff that is patently manky, it's the still-pretty that's the problem.

VJsmum

GreyQueen wrote: »

There's a Japanese word which temporarily escapes me in my tiredness, which means something of the dignity things which are old, and worn and mended gain from respectful use.

Kintsukuroi - more beautiful for having been broken (my friend has it tattooed on her arm)

GreyQueen

One of the very few things I have ever regretted parting with, although it has been gone about 30 years now, is the immaculate hand-cranked Singer sewing machine. With the wisdom of hindsight, I would have kept that beautiful and useful item.

But it went via charity to help out someone in an African country, who I am sure appreciated it.

Mostly, I've seldom found things which have been donated to be regrettable. There can sometimes be a pang of emotion a little while later, or a minor need a few years down the line for some trivial item which you've re-homed, but mostly not.

I use a stainless steel teapot and have wondered what would happen if the hinged lid gave way (I'd try to fix it, of course, if it happened). There was an identical teapot which surfaced from Nan's and I briefly contemplated storing it in reserve for if/ when my teapot dies.

Then I came to my senses and donated it. I see them regularly secondhand at £1 each, a lot were made and will continue on through the decades. With a small home, I can't hoard a complete replacement life for the life I have now. And it isn't even economic sense to do so.

Imagine if you live in a bigger home than you need, with all the attendant higher costs, in order to have a spare of everything, plus a spare to the spare? On a cost per square foot basis, this would be economic suicide.