Mooloo's little tapestry of life, 2016

Savvy_sewing

Did a bit of diary bashing last night. Hoping to get to the bottom of why I'm so depressed in the summer. Still not grasped exactly why, but did establish that after working so hard on the business, and all the facts and figures that I have had to fine tooth comb lately, I began to wonder why I am working for nothing really. The Dreams I had were slipping away I thought.
Time is ticking by, and I can't really see the possibility of my big dreams happening.
My energy levels are low and after a day at work my enthusiasm to do anything around the house is not there. My reasons why have slipped a bit.
Without the Why, the goals seemed pointless.
So I need to rethink my goals, my dreams need to be defined once more, so that I can find my Why?

That probably doesn't make much sense at the moment but to me looking for the root of my mood swings, it shows me that I have lost my direction and can't see the wood for the trees.
I reminded myself that I have managed such a lot, told myself not to beat myself up over things. Etc
I flounder without goals and dreams. Realising that my current dreams and plans don't seem possible anymore has floored me.
I have to admit that my business is not really profitable enough, and I work hard to still require housing benefit, and tax credits. I can't seem to find a way to make the business work any better. I can't sew any faster. I can't charge any more for the alterations. I don't have time to add anything else into the mix.

Savvy_sewing

My horescope says that I may think that I am busy now but I'm going to be even busier. Oh well! Definitely need my mojo to return then!

Savvy_sewing

Another stressful day with someone being malicious I think. Social Services have had a report that my friend has smacked DGD! A member of the public has called them claiming an incedent supposed to have happened a little while ago. Well I am so upset. I know it's not true, and DGD confirms its not true. Now she's worried that social will take her away. We all know that that's not going to happen but it has really caused us to be concerned. Of course the social don't tell you the source, the person stirring things up is allowed to remain anonymous. However I now feel that I can't trust anyone, and fear that it could be coming from twin1's BFs side of the camp. The reason I think that is just a hunch as my friends whole name was used, and I doubt if any of the neighbours or friends here would know my friends surname. I also quiry why the alleged incident which was only just reported was supposed to have happened early July. As you know I keep a diary so I know it wasn't possible as my friend didn't come on the date concerned. I also think that it could be a reaction, to the fact that on Saturday night twin 1 was told that she can't have DGD for Christmas.
Well she can't have her at all now. I have decided that I better stick to the original terms of the Guardianship if I am being watched, investigated, etc

I am fuming for my friend's sake, and for some idiot who thinks that they can ruin relationships with interference that is not even true.


I may be wrong but with all their misguided attempts to try and the threats to take DGD away from me, they are top of my own little list!

On that note, I am late getting up, breakfast is going to be a rush and my plans to get to work just after 8 is scuppered.

Be positive Moo.
It's just a little annoyance and I have given my opinion to social about DGD, my friend, the timing, etc not about the BFs family etc though. That's just my thoughts.
The worker didn't sound as if she would be doing much more than checking in with the Senco at school, and seemed satisfied with my answer.
How my friend reacts with the information is another matter and I have no doubt they will think it as preposterous as I do. But I bet we will all be different now.
Time to wake DGD and move my self. Although I just want to stay in bed and watch movies or something!
This really wasn't the best time to be adding to my depression and stress level.

Savvy_sewing

I have plodded through the day. Slightly slower than I wanted.
Spoke to the council again. They have a back log of work and cannot tell me when a supervisor can look at my counter claims that went in on the 11th August.
So they also said they can't or won't put a stop on the magistrate court proceedings. I have had to pay £50 towards the bills. More annoying that I paid the payment of £66 they asked me for by the 1st, and then they reassessed and still want a further £45 by the first. It is so unfair. For the first time in a long time I have ended up in my bills account going overdrawn to pay them. I do luckily have an arranged facility, but I have never used it as I believe it is a slippery slope into debt.
I finished right on 4.30 as it is a nice day, and I have collected DGD early and we're having a cold drink and a packet of crisps in the local pub as a treat. They have a good little play park she likes playing in.

Savvy_sewing

Morning. A night full of weird dreams, fidgets, and the like.
The plan for today is that DGD is off to Warwick Castle with one of her class mates family. They collect her at 9am
Then a mad dash to open the shop. My little helper will be in at 10am under supervision she is making the flags for the local rugby club.
I'm in the middle of shortening a jackets sleeves. Then I have another 4 jackets needing work, several pairs of trousers and dresses to shorten. I will just do what I can. I close at 1pm and then go to collect my Mum. She's coming along for the ride again to collect my sewing machines. Then any little bit of shopping etc she needs. I have her bed to change etc before I come home. Hopefully all in time before DGD gets home.
That's the aim anyway.
Before all that I have washing to get on the line. The bins to put out, and last nights dishes to do.

Eager_Elephant

Just catching up for the last few days.


Why should your big dreams not happen? If we really want something we should aim for it, no matter how far away it seems.


I know this Housing Benefit stuff has been a blow and it has made you look into your finances inc the business a lot more but for someone who has only just really started in business you are doing fab.
Are there any other shops in the next town who do similar who you could go and chat to about how to make the business more viable?


There is nothing wrong in needing HB and Tax Credits - a lot of families (and people without children) need these benefits to help them. In a few years hopefully you won't need them but for now they are a safety net for a lot of people.


Sorry to read that someone has reported you, I am inclined to agree with your suspicions - it's such a shame they have to turn on you like that. They clearly don't realise that actions like that have consequences and now they can't see DGD as much.
I'm glad the Social Worker saw sense and realised it was all a to do about nothing.


Council Tax - did you just get a reminder notice or was it a final notice? They have to issue both before they can take you to court and they will usually be 1 month apart. If you have not had the final notice yet I would just carry on paying what you think you roughly should and hopefully they will look at your letter and info before it gets to court stage.


Hope DGD has a lovely day out with her friend!


I just want to say how amazing you are coping with everything life throws at you and DGD is lucky to have you as her Granny!!

Savvy_sewing

I have managed to get a stop on the summons. I paid £50 yesterday on the old bill, and set a DD for the newer one. Although they will take £90.20 on 1st October if I don't pay it before.
Hopefully they will get around to the reviews sooner rather than later.
Just waiting for DGD to return from Warwick Castle. A few pictures sent show she has had fun.
Took my Mum with me this afternoon and detoured E route to show her the Fabric Millshop in Northampton. Mum was like a kid in a sweatshop, and I bought enough fabric to make a duvet cover for £6!
On my way back I had the roof down. Blew away some cobwebs anyway.

Savvy_sewing

I was in bed by 6.55pm with a stinking headache.
DGD played quietly in her room. So I have been in bed 12 hours, and dozed or slept most of that time. I'm just sitting here with a cup of tea, trying to get my eyes to focus. I have the strangest dreams all the time, with people from my past, family alive and dead, and totally unrealistic scenarios. Shows to me what a complex brain we have. Or I do.
I have two days with my young helper in the shop. I will be on my own on Saturday and closed on Monday as its a bank holiday. However I may have to work behind the scenes if the work continues to come in at the rate it has been. But I am hoping that I don't have to. I would like to try and do something with DGD other than household jobs.
The mental struggle with my self is on going and therefore I really am mostly only doing what I have to do.
I am trying hard not to beat my self up about what I don't actually manage, and I try to just focus on the must do jobs etc.
That's getting up and DGD fed, getting to Steppingstones and work in advertised times. Keeping the shop open when it's supposed to be, and making sure the urgent priority jobs are done.
It means at home the garden has been neglected and so has the ironing. But we are getting our meals, the clothes are washed, and DGD is listened to.
Anythingelse can wait until I feel better.

dktreesea

Running a business is not just hard - it intrudes on the rest of your life, especially when you're the one doing everything. I've long thought of getting a cleaner in, if only once a fortnight, to finally get onto the corners and jobs I never get to. Likewise handyman jobs which neither of us seem to find the time to do anymore. I've tried to keep to set times for the business for years and years, but I've long concluded businesses are alive in some way and have their own pace, in your case probably speeding up/expanding. Closing all day Wednesday is probably a bit scary revenue wise, but it would give you a real day off. It's not like you are not open on Saturday.


I was wondering if it would be worthwhile to run a dry cleaning service? Not sure if you have the space for it, but it's just accepting clothes which the drycleaner will pick up, accepting payment when they come to pick them up, taking out your fee and then passing the rest onto the drycleaner.

Savvy_sewing

dktreesea wrote: »

Running a business is not just hard - it intrudes on the rest of your life, especially when you're the one doing everything. I've long thought of getting a cleaner in, if only once a fortnight, to finally get onto the corners and jobs I never get to. Likewise handyman jobs which neither of us seem to find the time to do anymore. I've tried to keep to set times for the business for years and years, but I've long concluded businesses are alive in some way and have their own pace, in your case probably speeding up/expanding. Closing all day Wednesday is probably a bit scary revenue wise, but it would give you a real day off. It's not like you are not open on Saturday.


I was wondering if it would be worthwhile to run a dry cleaning service? Not sure if you have the space for it, but it's just accepting clothes which the drycleaner will pick up, accepting payment when they come to pick them up, taking out your fee and then passing the rest onto the drycleaner.

The dry cleaners are opposite us. So that's a no go, and I certainly couldn't adapt the building as its a listed one, for much else.
I am not too worried about the work, it does keep on coming in, and once people get to know I'm closed all day Wednesday they will come in different times. It's only 3 1/2 hours less as we already close at 1pm on a Wednesday.
I hope I will get my mojo back soon though as I can tell you my daily tally that I am not sewing as fast as I usually do. Luckily it's fairly quiet considering that people are away on Holiday.
I have just stopped for a cup of tea, before I get to the next job.
I would have normally expected to have done double the amount by now!
If I'm not careful I will be seeing all weekend to just keep on top of the work.
I used to have help in the house and the garden but I don't have the money to pay for it at the moment. But I will as soon as I can again.

I better finish my tea and get on with it.