Mooloo's little tapestry of life, 2016

Savvy_sewing

Housing officer came.
Oh boy. My bathroom furniture has to be taken off the wall and the shot plaster stripped. The damp proofing needs to be checked. The floors taken up upstairs so a extractor fan can be put in the kitchen, and new windows.
The bathroom extractor needs servicing too.
The mould upstairs needs treatment and then I will need to redecorate the house!
Looks like I am in for some fun!

pollyanna_26

Sending a gentle hug to you and your mum on this day .
I hope DGD has settled back into the routine and you have some of your get up and go back '
Totally understand your position re bank of mum . The safety net is no longer there for many of the vulnerable and services to help with living skills are few . In the main regarding support ,that ship has pretty well sailed . I was appointee for my daughter but luckily I handed over financial affairs three years ago as she was proving to be sensible and mature re money and bills . I still help her fill in the dreaded forms and deal with dwp and am also her medical appointee .
Your task is much greater than mine and I have long been in awe of how you have plodded on over the years .
I have faced the put yourself first comments over the years but this is our flesh and blood and if not us who ? My view is you have to walk a mile in the shoes to understand .
Take care and onward and upward .:A
polly x

dktreesea

Supporting adult children can be quite a tricky business. While we would probably all like to do what a few of my friends have been able to do over the years, either buy a place outright for their children or at least provide the deposit, some of us have to also work within our own limitations.


I've realised that, due to my own circumstances, I am not going to be able to provide my children with what they want and what everyone else in their circle has got. If I had the choice between giving my children £100 and going into further debt to do so, or giving them £10 and not going into any further debt, I would do the latter. Too harsh? maybe, but for me there's a limit to "if not us, who"? It's not as if they are paying board, or covering any of their expenses at home, even though they are earning.


I would never have treated my parents in such a cavalier fashion, and I must admit it annoys me that I haven't been able to pass this onto my bairns.

pollyanna_26

Dktreesa I do agree with your latest post . The problem comes if offspring have either physical or mental health disorders or sometimes both . Mooloo has three grown up children who struggle to cope because of their illness and due to the lack of support available from outside sources will always have a caring role as do many other parents .
polly

dktreesea

pollyanna_26 wrote: »

Dktreesa I do agree with your latest post . The problem comes if offspring have either physical or mental health disorders or sometimes both . Mooloo has three grown up children who struggle to cope because of their illness and due to the lack of support available from outside sources will always have a caring role as do many other parents .
polly

Yes, I do realise that parents of children with challenges can have a difficult time, especially with the lack of social services now and going forwards. The problem is, at the same time the parents are aging and may have their own physical difficulties - my case - and can't always provide the support our children expect.


For example, I can't really drive a stick change anymore, but don't have an automatic car. My OH prefers a stick change. I can't afford a second car. This means from time to time I can't give my children lifts to and from venues. So today I have had one of my children berating me because she is going to have to take the bus to another city which a) is going to cost more than if I drove her (no thought of compensating me for petrol) and b)"don't I realise how embarrassing this is"?


My point being, whatever the challenges our children face, there is only so much we can do as parents, especially if we have physical challenges of our own to cope with.

Savvy_Sue

dktreesea wrote: »

The soup kitchen is a bit odd because it starts at 9pm. If you had children to feed, would you take them out at that time of night? I only would if I was totally desperate.

The soup kitchen was almost certainly set up with an entirely different clientele in mind!

DH used to work for a charity which provides meals / advice / support to primarily homeless people. Their cafe / drop-in used to feed 70 people a day, now they say it's more like 500. It used to be primarily men, now they see more women than they used to, and families too. There is an increasing problem of working people facing eviction / suffering homelessness.

I have no answers ...

Savvy_sewing

Morning. Quite a dilemma there.
My children even the ones with difficulty would not speak to or react to my being unable/unwell enough to drive them. They all would say "that's alright I will see if someone else can help". If I say sorry I can't give you any money they also would just say, OK, but I know they would then not eat, or heat. Or if you remember a few years back twin2 was found in the dark, in the middle of winter with no food or power at all.

I'm try not to give them everything they ask for etc, I also warm them that the bank of Mum is empty or will be due to bills etc etc.
I know my son is going without food at the moment but as long as he feeds the baby, he doesn't ask me for food for himself. ( or her).
I slipped him £5 when I last saw him, it won't have gone very far, but he did not ask for himself.
Even I had to access the food bank once last year when things went out of kilter. Luckily now I have food cupboards that are full, and top them up in a week from Approved Food and Muscle Foods.
For £90 the place will be fit to burst, and all I will need is eggs and fresh fruit after the second week, as veg coming with both orders.
I will possibly buy a sack of potatoes next week, and then we will be able to feed ourselves, probably give meat etc to DS too, and that will last us about 5-6 weeks.
As long as I prepare and defrost stuff instead of popping to the shop for a ready meal when I am tired.
But I want some cash for the Easter when DGD and I go back to Portugal.
And I still have £500 to find to make it cash neutral!!!!

dktreesea

Well, I'm completely impressed that you manage to run a business, provide support from time to time to three children, raise a grand child, help out with another one, help out your mum, all the while battling your own health issues and grieving for your other two adopted out grand children. And then still have the energy to go to Portugal?! Good on you. At least you have made space for something you will enjoy. A lot of us don't make the effort to put that much energy into our lives.

Savvy_sewing

Portugal is my life line.
If I didn't have a holiday to look forward to then I would struggle.
I juggle my budget to make sure that I can go.
You make it sound as if I am unusual, I just do.
I don't do half as much as I used to do when I was just a Mum.
I waste loads of time that I should be doing things. I procrastinate too much

duchy

Ah if only the challenges of autistic adult kids were only telling them to get the bus instead of being able to chauffeur them !!

Surely it would be a no brainer if you actually can't drive a stick shift and your husband only prefers it rather than can't drive an automatic - to get a car you both can drive ?

dktreesea wrote: »

Yes, I do realise that parents of children with challenges can have a difficult time, especially with the lack of social services now and going forwards. The problem is, at the same time the parents are aging and may have their own physical difficulties - my case - and can't always provide the support our children expect.


For example, I can't really drive a stick change anymore, but don't have an automatic car. My OH prefers a stick change. I can't afford a second car. This means from time to time I can't give my children lifts to and from venues. So today I have had one of my children berating me because she is going to have to take the bus to another city which a) is going to cost more than if I drove her (no thought of compensating me for petrol) and b)"don't I realise how embarrassing this is"?


My point being, whatever the challenges our children face, there is only so much we can do as parents, especially if we have physical challenges of our own to cope with.