When Do I Tell Them?

LilElvis

I'm so sorry for your loss, and especially at this time of year.

A few months ago I started a thread asking for book suggestions to help explain illness and death to my five year old and got a fantastic response. It might be of help to you too in finding the vocabulary to couch your explanations with concepts and language which young kids can grasp. https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5329351

benrben

Thank you so much for all your advice, suggestions and help.
I sat them down yesterday afternoon & told them, I didn't say when, just that she had died, they asked lots of questions, seemed to cope quite well, we had tears & worries, the main one seemed to be that we might die too. Last night the youngest asked when she could speak to her on skype, so we had to explain again, she got very upset & ended up spending the night in our bed, but she woke up happier.
Today they both seem quite settled about things, it's helped that my friends have arrived with their kids, so have been very busy with them & I feel as if a bit of the brain fog I have has cleared.
Thanks again

meritaten

Yes - it does seem to worry children on realising that people die that they may die too. Kids think people are immortal. getting them to understand that people can become ill and die, or die accidentally is really a hard part of parenting. in my day, we were often told that people just 'went to sleep and didn't wake up' - and that caused ME sleepless nights as I didn't want to go to sleep and not wake up.
I think its best to be as 'factual' as possible given their ages. and if you believe the soul lives on as stars, angels, or guardians - then that's fine.
and well done on giving them the happiest Christmas you could under the circumstances. I would have tried to do the same thing.

lavandergirl_2

Winston's Wish http://www.winstonswish.org.uk/ is a child bereavement charity and it offers a lot of practical support and guidance.

My 43 year old friend died last year and she had three young children. I gave her children a remembrance book recomended by the charity.

heartbreak_star

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope now the children know, you can pull together as a family.

Lots of love!

HBS x