When Do I Tell Them?

prowla

An honest opinion, as requested...

I think husband is right, and it is inappropriate to be referring to him as a dvia, etc. He has been placed in an impossible position where he has to support and pretend nothing has happened.

Whilst is is a very sad position for the OP, I don't think poor hubby can do right, no matter what he does.

pigpen

now.. you tell them right now.. the longer it is left the harder it will become.. are you not telling them because you can't say the words because saying it makes it real? that is protecting yourself not them..

You are making excuses to not tell them... just do it, get it over and done with... it will be easier than you think..

Children who are very young have no idea what death actually is so expect them to just say oh ok and go play.. they do not become aware of mortality until about 8-10 years.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Sorry to hear this.


I got upset when I was 6 and my Nan died - but I was upset that my Mum was crying as she told me, not that Nanny had died. I understood what it meant, though, even though I hadn't been prepared for it, I just knew that she'd been at the hospital with her for the last week as I had to wait in the classroom with the teacher for my big brother to come from his High School to pick me up and my three teenaged brothers fed me junk food and let me watch TV until 9pm (when my bedtime was 7.30pm).

Whatever way you look at it, this isn't anything as painful for them as you losing your Mum at that age. So whilst it's desperately sad for you and brings back your memories and feelings, they can't and won't hurt as much as you do.

And yes, people react in different ways which don't always go well with one another; it's just how it is.

Take a deep breath and tell them she's died and got to be a special Christmas Star, so whilst you're very sad because you'll miss her, you're going to be able to look up and think about her and all the people you love.

candygirl

So sorry for your loss hun.It sounds like she was more like a Mum than a Sis to you, a very special bond .
You did the right thing in not telling the kids as soon as it happened, but now is the time :A
As for your Hubs reaction:eek: I think the less I say about himm the better :mad:

meritaten

I think you were right not to tell them on Christmas day and Boxing Day. these are days that WILL stick in the memory forever as 'the day aunty died'. but, I would do it asap before somebody slips up.
my sincere condolences though - and I think your OH is being a right wally.

kerri_gt

So sorry for your loss OP.

When I was a little older than your children I was given then book in relation to someone dying http://www.amazon.co.uk/Tenth-Good-Thing-about-Barney/dp/0689712030 although it was much more significant than a pets death, I remember reading it lots - perhaps your children might like it too, I'm sure they could write a list of more than 10 best things about their Aunt xx

TamVilla80

I think it is really brave and lovely of you to be so strong and do that for your little ones. Sorry for your loss. Hope you are as well as can be at such a difficult time.

Darksparkle

Sorry for your loss.

As others have said, best to tell them as soon as you can.

When my Granda died, I wasn't told for over a week as I was going on holiday and they didn't want to ruin it. But in that week they had held the funeral and cleared most of his house. I felt I wasn't given any time to grieve as everyone else was trying to get on with things.

LannieDuck

I think you were right to hold off until after Christmas day. And I think your OH is wrong - he should be trying to make things easier for you, not harder.

Bluebell68

I am So Sorry for your loss
big (((((((((((((((((((( HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))0

take care xx