Being alone at Christmas

Petra_70

I have seen a raft of ads and features over Christmas about how 'no-one should be alone at Christmas,' and how everyone should offer someone a place in their home for Christmas...

But is it actually OK being alone at Christmas?

Or is it really dreadfully lonely?

I went from being with my family/parents to being married, so have never lived alone, so I don't know. But my husband works at a place where a 46 y.o. never-married, child-free woman who lived with her mum until she died last January, was asked by 10 different people to spend Christmas with them. (She has no other family, so it was neighbours and work colleagues asking her.)

She said no to every one of them, and said that she was happy with her 2 cats and was going to the 3 Church services between 20th and 28th December, including Christmas day when she would stay til from 11am to 1pm-ish for the Christmas day get-together at the Church. Upshot is though, that nobody at work accepted that she was 'fine.' So much so that she actually got pretty peed off and annoyed. NO-ONE believed she was OK, and that she was lying about it and pretending she was OK.

My neighbour is a widow of 55 who was married for 25 years until her husband died 5 years ago. She also is OK with being alone at Christmas. Despite many people saying 'come to ours!' People seem to confuse being alone with being lonely, and seem to get miffed and somewhat confused when people say they are OK alone, and enjoy their own company..

Another lady I know split with her husband a year and a half ago, and her only child left in June to live with his girlfriend. She also says she is fine alone at Christmas, and is happy to roll out of bed when she wants, have no cooking or washing to do, no-one to impress, and the tv to herself. On Christmas day, she got up at eleven and sat eating pringles and pork pie, and drinking port, whilst watching crappy Christmas films on True movies, and then went for a late afternoon walk in the woods. Her adult son and his girlfriend virtually insisted that she went to their house, but she said no, as she plain and simple did not want to go. She said the girl probably didn't want her there anyway, and she would have felt awkward and unable to relax.

So is it OK to be OK with being alone?

Are you a single person or divorcee or widow/er, and alone at Christmas, and are you OK with it? If you ARE OK with it, are you sick of people 'pitying' you?

Or are you very low and depressed and miserable when you see all the people with partners and kids putting all their pics up on social media, of their 'family Christmas?' Do you envy them, and wish you were them?

barbarawright

Thanks to social media, I don't feel alone just because I'm on my own in the house. Maybe your friends feel the same

Torry_Quine

I think it's very rude to p resume that you know better than an individual. It is fine to ask but you should accept thevery may say No to an invite and that's absolutely fine

System

Some people like their own company. I'm more or less totally alone midweek and i'm quite happy to be so.

PasturesNew

Speaking from experience.... it depends on your age/situation, but .... I'd prefer to be left, home alone, than invited to some house where I walked into silent family disagreements and seething, with too many cooks squabbling in the kitchen before a (mostly cold) dinner is served up that's been cooked in "the wrong way" for my tastes and without all my usual favourite bits being present at all.

Other people's families ... and pets ....and food choices ... and cooking results .... and TV choices ..... will make many a "home alone" person change their viewpoint and see it not as being alone, but not being imprisoned.

I'm sure some people, in some situations, will feel they don't wish to be home alone. But, sometimes, the alternative actually can be worse, MUCH worse.....

absolutereturn

Christmas can be an opportunity, or an excuse, to get together with people you don't see the rest of the year, splurge, drink, be a bit silly, etc. however, it's also highly overrated. :xmastree:

A lot of the 'get together' is also imposed on you by others and many people "do" Christmas just because they can't get out of it. Not having to "do" Christmas for a change can be a relief! :snow_laug

There's so much concern about how people feel that one day of the year, how about the other 364 days? If someone is so lonely they have to join another family for Christmas, what are they going to do the rest of the year?

Petra_70

barbarawright wrote: »

Thanks to social media, I don't feel alone just because I'm on my own in the house. Maybe your friends feel the same

I think that has a lot to answer for too Barbara.

I know a few people who are in the house a lot, and they say that they spend quite a bit of time on facebook and twitter, and they skype people, and also spend quite a bit of time chatting on message forums.

The internet is no replacement for real life people, and nobody should have friends and company on the internet ONLY, but it is a good source of entertainment and company if you are someone who doesn't have many people in your life who you see from day to day...

Petra_70

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I think it's very rude to p resume that you know better than an individual. It is fine to ask but you should accept thevery may say No to an invite and that's absolutely fine

I absolutely agree.

absolutereturn wrote: »

Christmas can be an opportunity, or an excuse, to get together with people you don't see the rest of the year, splurge, drink, be a bit silly, etc. however, it's also highly overrated. :xmastree:

A lot of the 'get together' is also imposed on you by others and many people "do" Christmas just because they can't get out of it. Not having to "do" Christmas for a change can be a relief! :snow_laug

There's so much concern about how people feel that one day of the year, how about the other 364 days? If someone is so lonely the have to join another family for Christmas, what are they going to do the rest of the year?

That is an excellent question. Why not care about these people the rest of the year too? Why only Christmas? Who are they trying to impress? 'Why do you not care about me all year round?' is what I would be thinking.

Hermia

I am alone at Christmas as I have no immediate family and am currently single. I am fine and spent the day watching films and chatting online to some friends in the US. Of course, in an ideal world it would be lovely to have someone special to spend Christmas with or the money to go abroad for Christmas. That doesn't mean I want to spend Christmas with distant relatives and I certainly would not want to spend it with colleagues or neighbours! Even if you would ideally like a different Christmas it does not mean you hate your Christmas or want to spend it with acquaintances. I know a lot of people have a horrible Christmas with their family so I don't envy people.

BTW, I really hate it when people don't believe someone when they say they are happy/okay about something. Unless that person has a history of lying you should treat them like a competent adult who knows their own mind.

torbrex

I am alone the rest of the year so what difference does one more day make?

I don't do Christmas and hate when others try to force it on me because in their eyes it must be awful for me to be alone on that particular day.
What about May 27th or July 13th why don't they invite themselves upon me on those dates?

Petra_70

Hermia wrote: »

I am alone at Christmas as I have no immediate family and am currently single. I am fine and spent the day watching films and chatting online to some friends in the US. Of course, in an ideal world it would be lovely to have someone special to spend Christmas with or the money to go abroad for Christmas. That doesn't mean I want to spend Christmas with distant relatives and I certainly would not want to spend it with colleagues or neighbours! Even if you would ideally like a different Christmas it does not mean you hate your Christmas or want to spend it with acquaintances. I know a lot of people have a horrible Christmas with their family so I don't envy people.

BTW, I really hate it when people don't believe someone when they say they are happy/okay about something. Unless that person has a history of lying you should treat them like a competent adult who knows their own mind.

I absolutely agree. When I was single in my late teens, (for about a year,) I had well-meaning but very annoying workmates who kept trying to set me up with one lad after another, because they REFUSED to believe I was OK single!