What are our rights playing the drums?

[Deleted User]

I have two sons with ASD.., and have been through some times with them. But I'm sorry, I would never ever allow them to do something that would disturb others. I might find something similar that would satisfy a need.

For example, if you have a son with diagnosed autism.., you will get DLA. Surely its worth investing some of that money in an electronic drum kit and a decent set of headphones? They are on ebay, I've just checked. Both my kids have headphones because they like noise at unsociable hours. They know, however stressed they are, they don't get noise unless its through headphones. Even with autism, there have to be some rules. I went the wrong way with my older son at first (very few rules, it was all about meeting his needs, which I was drowning in at first).., but more than most, he needed boundaries.

Don't deprive your son of something that gives him pleasure and stress relief, find a way of fulfilling that need without inconveniencing others. Then you might be able to use that to encourage other behaviours (speaking from experience here, I still use access to the pc or game consoles to make sure my kids at least are in bed at a decent time, even if not sleeping perfectly). And their obsession with pc's/game playing has led to the development of lots of skills. My younger son would out knowledge most experts on anything to do with science because he's always using google and you tube (documentaries).

And no, I'm not perfect either. I just tend to try to find ways around difficulties rather than head straight for them (meant nicely)! You've obviously got enough stress in your life.., don't add neighbour problems to them. I know you are delighted to have found a way to encourage some engagement with him, but keep trying, the school he's going to might be able to give you some things he likes to do too.

I know you originally posted enquiring about your 'rights' but we are trying to help you with the bigger picture.., your son and satisfying his needs without stifling other people's needs. Its just not going to be very pleasant living next to someone who could be drumming at any time of the day or evening. They have 'right's too.

SingleSue

duchy wrote: »

Not sure why you think your neighbours should suffer because of your lack of imagination/poor parenting.
IF your child genuinely has an autism diagnosis you will already be in touch with professionals who could advise you - so yes I too am calling troll on this one.

Some people really are very peculiar -

Unfortunately in the real world, that doesn't happen....or at least, not in the area I live in.

Two of my boys are autistic, they received their diagnosis and because it was after they started infant school (although they had been involved with medical professionals since they were two and 14 months!), that was pretty much it. Apart from one specialist parenting group which lasted 6 weeks, I was left to discover myself how to deal with them, there was certainly no hand holding going on here from professionals!

Towser

Exactly. I find your posts offensive to my friends that have genuine autistic children.

Grow up and get it sorted. They have and the results are amazing. Lovely children who don't require any excuses.

What makes you think I don't have an Autistic child who really likes drumming?

Towser

For example, if you have a son with diagnosed autism.., you will get DLA. Surely its worth investing some of that money in an electronic drum kit and a decent set of headphones. Both my kids have headphones because they like noise at unsociable hours.

We do and we did but it did not work as he prefers the real thing as experienced at Messy Church. So we invested in the real thing.

Towser

I am not a troll. I genuinely wanted to hear from real drummers not just electronic ones. Where would John Bonham or Cozy Powell be if he just stuck to the electronic version? This is a real problem and wanted to find out the logistics in a pre -emptive way. There have been a few reasonable suggestions from a few people with children with real drum kits.

I am guessing that my son is Sensory Sensitive that is why he prefers the real thing. I suppose it's the difference between a Ferrari and a Ford.

If the neighbors are "punished "along the way occasionally all well and good. They make enough noise to justify living next door to an autistic boy who likes drumming. It's all the noise haters that started down that road.

As for the people who stunt their kids growth by not allowing them something. Shame. They may not be as profoundly disabled either.

It's because I don't want to be a nightmare neighbor I am finding out the detail and solutions round it. I don't want to promise anything I can't stick to. If it goes to court in the future then maybe I would have to give up. For now I want to know what our rights are.

Pixie5740

If you were really concerned you'd have done your research before buying a set of drums.

You're also the one who first used the word "punished." I can't believe that someone who is so affronted by the sound of children playing outside doesn't understand why people might be upset at the sound of someone banging away on drums. You need to find a way of making this work with your neighbours. You don't want things to escalate so that the drums end up being seized, how would you explain that to your boy?

kerri_gt

There's been lots of helpful comments about placement of the kit and ways to minimise the noise travelling already. Just regarding the issue of when he drums, my understanding is that many people on the autistic spectrum benefit from structure, and stress most in new situations or when something is out of normal routine.

If your son is just getting interested in time then it might be beneficial for him to have a set time when he may drum if he wishes. I'd discuss with your neighbours, but if they work then after school would be ideal for this as they'd likely be out.

You could have a visual clock aid with pictures on it showing what happens when in the day - drum kit pic at say 4 - 5pm (max time to play) drumming is in itself very physical so should help tire him in that respect and he would hopefully be ready to then wind down mentally for bed after (I would imagine if he were drumming just before bed he might actually be too wired to then sleep)

Whilst a drum kit might not be the most 'neighbour friendly' of instruments (my brothers used to be in the loft of a detached house, could be heard all the way down the road!) neither are many more accepted instruments (8yr old tunelessly blowing a recorder at the top of her lungs in the garden in summer for example, 5yr old learning the violin etc etc) Even Ringo Starr had to learn somewhere.

pathtofreedom

You've said you don't have a garage for them to go in, but you haven't mentioned anything about trying to sound proof the room they are in. A quick google search of "sound proofing room for drum kit" brings up lots of results that might help you. That combined with talking to your neighbours to see if they work nights, or what times are least likely to annoy them seems like the safest strategy. Especially if your saying you're not going to be able to move from the area. The last thing you want is a neighbour dispute that you might have to declare, if you plan to sell the house at some point.

duchy

Towser wrote: »

Because there is a shortage and the ones that are around are not very good. Once you have met one Autistic person you have met one Autistic person they are not all the same.

He has had a diagnosis since the age of 2.

There are resources there if you are prepared to spend time seeking them out (rather than spending your time creating feuds with neighbours perhaps ) Your priorities appear to confirm the likelihood that you are a troll. Most parents of kids on the Spectrum don't have the time to play neighbour OR internet baiting.

elsien

Towser wrote: »

Thank-you wanted reasonable guidelines.

People drum for all sorts of reasons not just to make noise.

Whatever the reason, the end result is the same. Which is what you asked about.