Wife overspent for Xmas, what to do?

Lioness_Twinkletoes

The OP made me bristle somewhat, I will be honest. The suggestion that he'll sell presents and 'forbid' a holiday is, in my opinion, quite controlling. I get that the OP earns more than his wife, but she does work 4 days a week and, by the sounds of it, manage the household.

That said, I appreciate that the spending this month is out of control and the OP wants - needs - savings. So a frank and honest discussion is required here. I would suggest that you separate your finances. Have an account each and a joint account. Pay an agreed sum into the joint account (including a sum for savings) then what each party has left is theirs to spend or save. If your wife dips into her overdraft that is her business as long as she understands you won't bail her out. Purchases for items for the children and the house should be split fairly, according to wages earned.

Some people like to save - others like to spend and that choice should not be arbitrarily taken away. I agree that having savings is important - but we get one shot at life and it for living. Sorry, but it sounds grim in your house, budget supermarket, sandwiches for lunch every day.

TL;DR: You need to work out a fair and reasonable compromise that meets both your needs.

mummyroysof3

I agree with pigpen. After Christmas why don't you start a seperate Christmas fund...a mount agreed by both of you for next year?

pelirocco

The Op has said it will take all of their savings , so no I dont think he is over controlling or over saving ( in fact this proves they need to be saving more to cover for Christmas , which is a planned event as well as saving for emergencies) . To be left with no savings because of Christmas isnt a good situation to be in . If you have one person in a relationship that spends more then they can afford that the other one has to be more controlling

OP I think I read that you both transfer money into a joint account , does that mean you both have spare money to spend ?

maman

maman wrote: »

What I'd do is enjoy Christmas first. Don't say much about the financial situation. Don't make any approving comments but don't spoil the holiday for son by bringing it up now.

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

How can he enjoy Christmas knowing that their wife has put them £1k into the unauthorised overdraft, and that he has had to use savings to deal with this? I couldn't.

Perhaps enjoy was the wrong word but OP understood what I meant, IMO he needs to act as if he is enjoying it so as not to spoil Christmas for his family.


What I find difficult to understand is why you have your own accounts but keep personal 'spends' in the joint account. I think you need to keep your personal money in your personal account. I can see that your wife enjoys spending money on son or house but somehow she has to understand that what's in the joint account is all spoken for and she only has freedom over her own account. This might sound heartless but what if any bailing out was done from holiday savings. Then she could see her two weeks all inclusive in the sun morphing into a day trip to Blackpool before her eyes!;)

pelirocco

You must have elastic money in your house then , the OP says all their savings will be taken to cover the Christmas credit card spending , so where exactly would the extra money come from to 'live it up '?

maman

pelirocco wrote: »

You must have elastic money in your house then , the OP says all their savings will be taken to cover the Christmas credit card spending , so where exactly would the extra money come from to 'live it up '?

Not sure if you mean me?


I was assuming that when they set up a budget for 2016, an amount for holiday saving will be part of that. My idea was that if wife overspends then amount comes from the holiday savings. Seems I'm not making myself clear today:o.

HappyMJ

pelirocco wrote: »

You must have elastic money in your house then , the OP says all their savings will be taken to cover the Christmas credit card spending , so where exactly would the extra money come from to 'live it up '?

Just a guess reading the previous posts the extra money is coming from next months pay which the OP knows needs to be allocated to TV licence, car expenses and a potential white good replacement purchase. There is spare money in the budget but the wife seems to be spending money which has been allocated for a future expense. The OP will now have to put the car repair on the CC in January and may not have the funds to repay that in February. They also had a holiday budgeted for at least in the OP's budget which may not be communicated clearly enough to the wife but again the wife is spending that money so there isn't enough for a holiday.

There's quite a bit of room to play around with my own personal budget. I do have £5,000 of emergency savings to tide the household over in case all of my income stops. That makes me feel comfortable. If I had let my spendthrift partner access that account it would have been empty by now and I would be just as stressed as the OP is now.

burnoutbabe

The presents should go back. (bar some ones for the son)

anything else is just sticking ones head in the sand.

mai_taylor

I think you need to sit down and have a chat about it. It's not just up to you to put your foot down and say no holiday, that should be a joint decision. You should have discussed a budget before Christmas but there's not a lot that you can do about it now and I think trying to take back presents is just going to cause friction.

Could you agree that the credit card is for emergency and set aside a certain amount a month for spending (anything over that amount would have to be discussed first)?

pollypenny

Surely the priority should be no debt? There's no putting a foot down, the spendthrift should grow up and be responsible.

If that means Christmas presents for the child and a small one each fir the adults, as well as no holiday this year, so be it?

OP said his job isn't the most secure.