Wife overspent for Xmas, what to do?

jozxyqk

Not sure if I'm after advice or just need to vent...


My wife has always been more of a spender than a saver. I'm the opposite - I'm the one trying to overpay the mortgage, shop at a budget supermarket, drive frugally, make a packed lunch for work every day. I thought she at least agreed with this moneysaving policy, but she's forever buying treats for our son, buying lunches, dipping into her overdraft.


I thought we could cope - we pay off credit cards in full each month, using them only as a buffer and to get cashback / reward points. But last night she told me that the direct debit for the main credit card will be taken this week and I've worked out this will put us well over £1k into our unarranged overdraft.


Thankfully we have some 'emergency' cash in ISAs that will clear this, but this will wipe out our limited savings...and I already know Jan is going to be expensive (long time to paydays, TV license renewal, car will most likely need new brake discs & pads).


I really thought she understood that we need to live within our means. I've said repeatedly that the car / washing machine / fridge won't last forever, and my job is less than secure. I thought our goal was to move to a bigger house and curb spending to create a deposit and look good when the mortgage company assesses us. All on deaf ears it seems.


I'm finding it difficult to get past how short sighted she's been - almost as if she didn't realise a cc spend is still real money. I don't want to ruin Xmas - particularly for our son - but I'm tempted to sell whatever presents I get and say there'll be no family holiday next year until we get our savings rebuilt.


Or would this be cutting off my nose?

Stevie_Palimo

It is all about compromise here and you need to discuss things properly, I said to my OH there is a budget for you and she way outspent what I set her but I did say that we need to look at the long term here and have money tucked away for other things down the line.

Should you look to sell things be prepared for the backlash to.

ViolaLass

If you don't feel you can trust her with the credit cards, get rid of them.

getmore4less

Don't sell stuff, just go quiet,

if the washing machine breaks then tough she washes by hand till the money is saved up.

Talk of a new house, just say won't happen till we have saved £X000.

Do you have a budge/plan/SOA with all the plans laid out and the amounts allowed for groceries, clothes, holidays house fund etc.

Once you have the SOA if you/she goes over on any catagory you then decide together where the cutbacks are to reballance and which goals have to slip.

Have a look on thge Debt boards on how to manage a budget/plan,

The reality is if you need to be saving for things thats just like a debt til you hit the targets/goals.

Might be easier to set some real goals like when do you want the house move, set a goal and savings target. overspends the target date moves.

HappyMJ

jozxyqk wrote: »

Not sure if I'm after advice or just need to vent...


My wife has always been more of a spender than a saver. I'm the opposite - I'm the one trying to overpay the mortgage, shop at a budget supermarket, drive frugally, make a packed lunch for work every day. I thought she at least agreed with this moneysaving policy, but she's forever buying treats for our son, buying lunches, dipping into her overdraft.


I thought we could cope - we pay off credit cards in full each month, using them only as a buffer and to get cashback / reward points. But last night she told me that the direct debit for the main credit card will be taken this week and I've worked out this will put us well over £1k into our unarranged overdraft.


Thankfully we have some 'emergency' cash in ISAs that will clear this, but this will wipe out our limited savings...and I already know Jan is going to be expensive (long time to paydays, TV license renewal, car will most likely need new brake discs & pads).


I really thought she understood that we need to live within our means. I've said repeatedly that the car / washing machine / fridge won't last forever, and my job is less than secure. I thought our goal was to move to a bigger house and curb spending to create a deposit and look good when the mortgage company assesses us. All on deaf ears it seems.


I'm finding it difficult to get past how short sighted she's been - almost as if she didn't realise a cc spend is still real money. I don't want to ruin Xmas - particularly for our son - but I'm tempted to sell whatever presents I get and say there'll be no family holiday next year until we get our savings rebuilt.


Or would this be cutting off my nose?

I don't think there's any need to sell the presents at this point.

You'll have to take the CC off her. Cut both yours (you've got to be seen to be fair) and her card in half and say there's nothing left it's no longer to be used.

I would highly recommend you take the debit cards from the joint account as well. I'd ensure all of the joint household bills are paid and then transfer using online banking an equal amount of money to each of your own current accounts for personal spending money. If she spends all her half of the joint disposable income do not use your half of the disposable income to bail her out.

I've lived with spendthrift partners before and you have to present the budget in a very easy to understand way. If you write down all the joint household income. The joint household expenses and show what's left and why the amount of money you transfer into your personal current accounts is the amount it is then it becomes much harder to argue with. You'll be accused of being controlling so be prepared for the backlash.

edit: and do not whatever you do call the money you transfer pocket money. It's joint household income and it's all to be spent wisely.

margaretclare

I sympathise with you. There are some people who just cannot be trusted with a credit card.

From our point of view, credit cards are a marvellous resource. DH has just used his to put a deposit on our new bathroom next year. But, but, but....he hardly uses it, apart from groceries, petrol etc and he pays it off every month religiously. This is the best way to deal with credit cards, pay off balance every month. That way it is manageable.

I think you have a more serious problem, however. There is obviously a large divergence in the way each of you regards money management, budgeting etc. I can't really suggest anything because it's between the two of you, your mindset and hers.

maman

ViolaLass wrote: »

If you don't feel you can trust her with the credit cards, get rid of them.

That's an option.


What I'd do is enjoy Christmas first. Don't say much about the financial situation. Don't make any approving comments but don't spoil the holiday for son by bringing it up now.


After Christmas then you must have a conversation about family finances going forward. Perhaps prepare the SoA so she can see it in black and white or better still prepare it together so she knows how much is available under each budget heading including which budgets are fixed/not to be touched and which could be flexible. Your wife needs to realise that all she can do is tinker with money between the flexible budgets. So she can choose whether to buy lunches or go to the hairdresser or buy things that son doesn't need. What she can't do is run up overdraft to 'print money'. Maybe you need to establish a 'personal spends' budget each which she can fritter on what she likes if that's what she wants but when it's gone it's gone. You can save yours if you like but you don't have to.

Lioness_Twinkletoes

jozxyqk wrote: »

Not sure if I'm after advice or just need to vent...


My wife has always been more of a spender than a saver. I'm the opposite - I'm the one trying to overpay the mortgage, shop at a budget supermarket, drive frugally, make a packed lunch for work every day. I thought she at least agreed with this moneysaving policy, but she's forever buying treats for our son, buying lunches, dipping into her overdraft.


I thought we could cope - we pay off credit cards in full each month, using them only as a buffer and to get cashback / reward points. But last night she told me that the direct debit for the main credit card will be taken this week and I've worked out this will put us well over £1k into our unarranged overdraft.


Thankfully we have some 'emergency' cash in ISAs that will clear this, but this will wipe out our limited savings...and I already know Jan is going to be expensive (long time to paydays, TV license renewal, car will most likely need new brake discs & pads).


I really thought she understood that we need to live within our means. I've said repeatedly that the car / washing machine / fridge won't last forever, and my job is less than secure. I thought our goal was to move to a bigger house and curb spending to create a deposit and look good when the mortgage company assesses us. All on deaf ears it seems.


I'm finding it difficult to get past how short sighted she's been - almost as if she didn't realise a cc spend is still real money. I don't want to ruin Xmas - particularly for our son - but I'm tempted to sell whatever presents I get and say there'll be no family holiday next year until we get our savings rebuilt.


Or would this be cutting off my nose?

Does your wife work?

p00hsticks

So how much input have you had into the planning for Christmas ? Did you sit down and discuss and agree with your wife realistic budgets for food shopping, presents, etc ?

Or did you simple leave it all to her to organise ?

pollypenny

I would return as many of the Christmas presents as you can, keeping just one each for the adults.

And I'm with you over no holiday unless you're financially straight, definitely not on credit. OH used to be erratic with money and wanted a holiday whether we could afford it or not. I need financial security.

emmatthews

You obviously have differing ideas about money management, but I don't think it is up to you (or her) to decide which way is correct. You need to sit down and work out what will work for both of you.

You say you have a son, does your wife stay at home to take care of him or does she work? If she doesn't work, I think it may be worth having a chat with her about how she feels being at home. Whilst it is great being at home raising children, it is also hard. Could she be spending because of boredom or depression? Not saying it is the case, but worth considering.