Christmas

jackie_w

Hi

Over the past year our family has got bigger and I'm not sure what to do about Christmas presents.

My BIL has moved in with a girl (just after Christmas last year) and she has a son aged 14 who we have never met. My BIL doesn't have any children of his own.

My sister and her fianc! moved in together this year and he has 3 sons, aged 18, 16 and 13. 2 live with them pemenetly and one doesn't. My sister has a child of her own. We don really know these boys and only see them maybe a couple of times a year (my sis and I are not close).

i have 2 children of my own and I also foster a child aged 18, 10 and 8. When we started fostering I explained to everyone I didn't expect them to buy foster child anything as we would make sure she wasn't going without.

When it was just my niece I had to buy for I would spend approx £40 on her because my sister would spend about that on my sons.

I don't know what to do because I can't afford an extra 4 presents. i feel if I just put £10 in a card for each of the boys it won't go down too well, especially with my sister. Not sure how my BIL will be if I only put £10 in a card for his girlfriends son.

Last year, my sister gave foster child money in a card (same amount as she gave my sons) and my BIL did the same.

What would you do?

Jagraf

Just give what you can comfortably afford. I have 7 nieces and nephews and it changes every year depending on the money I have. With the older ones, I tend to say in the card "have a drink on me" - a tenner is plenty for that. I'm sure they will be grateful, and if they're not, it's their problem.

Sometimes when you give less everyone else breathes a sigh of relief !

Person_one

Work out what your budget is, then divide it equally between all the children who are now part of your siblings' families.

You really really can't give to some and not others, based on DNA, or on which you know well or any other arbitrary factor, but I'm sure you know that of course.

The only potential exception is the 18 year old, a lot of people use 18 as a cut off for gift giving to children, but as its the first year he's been part of the family I'd be inclined to include him this year at least.

Pollycat

I would have set expectations waaaaay before now about what you plan to do.

TBH, I don't see much point in buying gifts for people - even kids - that you've never met.

I also don't see the point in you giving money & your siblings giving your kids the same amount.

None of the kids you'd buy for are that young anyway.
I'd be ringing sis & getting your OH to ring his brother to see if you can knock it on the head this year.
If you can't, tell them it will be a tenner in each kids' card & this will be the last year.

I can't understand why giving £10 would go down badly anyway.

Beckyy

Send a message to them all just saying you weren't sure how everybody was planning Christmas presents this year so wanted to check if you were all on the same page, that due to the family growing you'll be able to afford around £10 for each child and could give them money or a voucher that their parents could suggest?

tea_lover

For me, the important thing would be to make sure everyone was treated fairly. I'd probably go about it by sending a family gift (tin of biscuits or something), or a family invite to come over for dinner in the new year maybe.

Your sister's stepchildren are older and you are not close to them, so I think it's perfectly reasonable not to send them individual gifts. However, I wouldn't go down the route of buying for some and not others as that way resentment lies.

TBagpuss

Person_one wrote: »

Work out what your budget is, then divide it equally between all the children who are now part of your siblings' families.

You really really can't give to some and not others, based on DNA, or on which you know well or any other arbitrary factor, but I'm sure you know that of course.

The only potential exception is the 18 year old, a lot of people use 18 as a cut off for gift giving to children, but as its the first year he's been part of the family I'd be inclined to include him this year at least.

This is what I would do.
You could also try to sind someting small (stocking filer type thing) as well as the Cash if you wanted to - I remember one year when I sent money to some younger relatives I bought some chocolate bank notes and wrapped the real note round the chocolate ones which gave then a litle package to unwrap each!

onlyroz

I would have thought £10 each was plenty, and I certainly wouldn't feel embarrassed about giving that. I also think that 18 should be the cut-off for giving presents unless they give you one back.


My nieces are now age 21 and 22, and we really should have stopped buying anything more than a token for them a few years ago. This year I've sent them £10 each (I sent them £20 last year) and unless they send us anything I won't be giving them anything next year).

mrsammyp

I think you should split equally but only what you can comfortably afford, if that is £10 a child then that is perfectly fine. It's the thought that counts.

duchy

jackie_w wrote: »

Hi





Last year, my sister gave foster child money in a card (same amount as she gave my sons) and my BIL did the same.

What would you do?

So they didn't give YOUR foster child a smaller gift even though they are not related and fostered rather than adopted.

It would seem they have set the tone for treating all children equally- Either you choose to do the same .....or you don't.

I find it really hard to believe you are only thinking about this 4 days before Christmas.

duchy

onlyroz wrote: »

My nieces are now age 21 and 22, and we really should have stopped buying anything more than a token for them a few years ago. This year I've sent them £10 each (I sent them £20 last year) and unless they send us anything I won't be giving them anything next year).

Not quite the Christmas spirit that though ! You shouldn't be giving only to receive .