Christmas

KxMx

duchy wrote: »

Not quite the Christmas spirit that though ! You shouldn't be giving only to receive .

True but there comes a time when you can't expect to give give give to those who take take take.

duchy

KxMx wrote: »

True but there comes a time when you can't expect to give give give to those who take take take.

I agree - but stop giving because they are now adults not because they don't give back. If they do send Roz a gift she'd go on giving apparently

onlyroz

duchy wrote: »

Not quite the Christmas spirit that though ! You shouldn't be giving only to receive .

I don't but they are adults now, and if they don't acknowledge their present or card then I think it's reasonable that they get dropped off the present/card list. I don't really give a monkeys whether they get us anything or not, but a simple acknowledgement wouldn't go amiss.

duchy

onlyroz wrote: »

I don't but they are adults now, and if they don't acknowledge their present or card then I think it's reasonable that they get dropped off the present/card list. I don't really give a monkeys whether they get us anything or not, but a simple acknowledgement wouldn't go amiss.

So if they don't give to you - you won't give to them.
How is that not giving to receive ?
(I don't disagree with you - I do think there comes a time when it changes from an adult giving to child to an adult giving to another adult dynamic but I don't really understand why you'd give next year only if they give you something this year if it isn't driven by if they gift to you or not)

Person_one

duchy wrote: »

So if they don't give to you - you won't give to them.
How is that not giving to receive ?
(I don't disagree with you - I do think there comes a time when it changes from an adult giving to child to an adult giving to another adult dynamic but I don't really understand why you'd give next year only if they give you something this year if it isn't driven by if they gift to you or not)

I think its fair enough, between adults gift giving at Christmas is a reciprocal thing, we get stuff for each other, that's the point.

For children its different but do you buy gifts for any adults who don't get one for you?

onlyroz

duchy wrote: »

So if they don't give to you - you won't give to them.
How is that not giving to receive ?
(I don't disagree with you - I do think there comes a time when it changes from an adult giving to child to an adult giving to another adult dynamic but I don't really understand why you'd give next year only if they give you something this year if it isn't driven by if they gift to you or not)

I'll try again. If they sent us a card with a nice note wishing us a happy Christmas and included a token gift then I'd happily continue to send them the usual £20-30. They're young and presumably don't have much money, so I wouldn't expect much - but they are adults and I wouldn't normally send a present to an adult who didn't reciprocate.


If they sent us a card and no gift then I'd happily continue to send them a card but as they're adults the gifts from us would stop.


But as it is, we get nothing. No card, no acknowledgement. I overlooked this when they were kids because they're just kids, but I won't overlook it now they're adults. One of them now has a baby of their own - I might consider buying the baby a small gift next year, but I'm not sure yet.


If you want to call this "giving to receive" then fair enough.

tea_lover

onlyroz wrote: »

If you want to call this "giving to receive" then fair enough.

I think it's more "being on the same page".

Pollycat

onlyroz wrote: »

I'll try again. If they sent us a card with a nice note wishing us a happy Christmas and included a token gift then I'd happily continue to send them the usual £20-30. They're young and presumably don't have much money, so I wouldn't expect much - but they are adults and I wouldn't normally send a present to an adult who didn't reciprocate.


If they sent us a card and no gift then I'd happily continue to send them a card but as they're adults the gifts from us would stop.


But as it is, we get nothing. No card, no acknowledgement. I overlooked this when they were kids because they're just kids, but I won't overlook it now they're adults. One of them now has a baby of their own - I might consider buying the baby a small gift next year, but I'm not sure yet.


If you want to call this "giving to receive" then fair enough.

I wouldn't buy a Christmas gift for someone who didn't have the courtesy to drop a quick email or text to say 'Thank you'.

I doubt I'd buy a Christmas gift for someone who doesn't even send me a card.

Andypandyboy

We stop at 18. Then we ressurect it when they (nieces) have kids of their own and buy for them. That is getting expensive now though as they have 7 between them and I suspect a couple of them are not done!!

In your position OP I would buy for all of them as your family seem to have set the precedent when buying for your foster child last year.

Yolina

Could you find out if the children like reading? We're all bookworms in the family, so are my friends - makes finding Xmas and birthday presents very easy (and cheap)