helping family members who don't listen

catoutthebag

So my sister is having a bout of acute asthma. She's had it since childhood. She's on her second bout of steroids and antibiotics in 2 months. ..she's usually done one course each winter so a second is unusual.
She moved out for uni this year so the exams and stress probably didn't help. But she's settled now.

So I'm asthmatic and work in health care. So know a bit.

She can't get a gp appointment there fir 3 weeks - she says (she's currently back for Xmas and feels tight chested still 3 days into the medication course). I've explained the gp there will have emergency and same day appointment.

I've been hospitalised several times as a child. She hasn't. But hers is a bit worse than mine when I was her age. I'm fit and symptom free now.

I've tried to tell her how to use inhalers properly, wash sheets weekly, rest, eat well, keep room clean and not go out if she's well and take responsibility and look after herself and not stress. Not nagging btw - I've told her like twice because my parents don't so much.

Feels like she's not too bothered until she gets this bad and kinda does what she wants and makes excuses and doesn't take ownership. Quite blas! if you will.

So its getting me a little stressed and worried that a) shell quickly recover from this bout b) long term avoid further bouts especially being away from mummy and daddy who'll take her to the gp on a whim.

I feel she's listened a bit more to big brother this time so we will see.

I guess I'm just letting off as I'm a worrier and know that it can be terrifying feeling tight chested and it's still a killer.

oystercatcher

If you work in healthcare then you'll know that you can give people information but it's their own decision as to whether they follow your advice and there's nothing you can do about that.

Your sister is an adult. you've given her the information, now she has to decide how to live and deal with the consequences. I'd lay off the advice now unless she asks for it as other wise you turn into a boring nag and she will ignore you even more.

catoutthebag

I know. Info only given today when she asked for it. She's an adult technically but still a child and it's frustrating.

I remember when she was 5, 6, 7 etc and would have bouts. I'd be up worrying and in her room when she started coughing to make sure she was alright . I've calmed down from that now ...but still have the instincts within me.

pigpen

She's a grown woman.. and while you're looking out for her you cannot make her do anything or protect her from her own stupidity.. Some things people have to learn for themselves.. you've done your bit .. from here on in the responsibility is hers!

That wasn't me saying back off or butt out it was me saying well done and anything that happens as a result of her not listening is not your fault, don't carry guilt for someone elses actions

meritaten

OK - she is in uni - so you or your parents cannot be there to mollycoddle her.
you probably know that asthma is 'usually' manageable with the right medication - but that medication has to be taken religiously.
but, there is also types of asthma which is less manageable, even though the medication IS taken severe attacks can happen.
and frankly GPs are crap are diagnosing this usually.
Does the Practice have a dedicated Asthma Nurse? they are usually very clued up and much easier to get an appointment with.
if she has been hospitalised in the past then she will have a consultant - it may be worth phoning his secretary and asking for an appointment.

catoutthebag

meritaten wrote: »

OK - she is in uni - so you or your parents cannot be there to mollycoddle her.
you probably know that asthma is 'usually' manageable with the right medication - but that medication has to be taken religiously.
but, there is also types of asthma which is less manageable, even though the medication IS taken severe attacks can happen.
and frankly GPs are crap are diagnosing this usually.
Does the Practice have a dedicated Asthma Nurse? they are usually very clued up and much easier to get an appointment with.
if she has been hospitalised in the past then she will have a consultant - it may be worth phoning his secretary and asking for an appointment.

She hasn't had to stay over in hospital like I did. But was seen by a specialist but I think now discharged.

All the bloody docs gave her back here 3 days ago was more steroids and slightly stronger antibiotics. I guess she was am acute patient in a walk in centre though so no further investigating. I don't know what else was said.

I suggested , if she claims there's 3 week wait (and ignoring me saying there would be same day acute appointment), to book a gp and asthma nurse appointment on Monday jn time when she goes back. She's gone quiet so I guess she knows I'm right. Whether she Will or not I don't know.

This started because 3 days into the med course today she said they weren't helping ie she felt tight and wanted to know if she should go to walk in centre today with mum. That's when I gave her a little prep talk. I also mentioned that they take time to work, to increase her steroid inhalers and ventolin, to drink plenty and rest and not stress. So here I am stressing.

I'm going to oder her anti allergy bedding.

meritaten

3 DAYS into steroids and they aren't helping? then yes, she should have gone to walk in centre.
No hunny - they DONT take time to work if you are given the right treatment. her chest should not still be feeling tight.

antibiotics take time to work but - steroids are given in high doses to start with and the patient usually feels better almost straight away - then they are 'tailed off'. because you cannot 'suddenly' stop steroids.
I am talking about treatments such as prednisolone. the steroid 'inhalers' are a different matter. they are designed for long term use not to treat 'attacks'.

she needs to see someone who knows about asthma and its treatment. ASAP

catoutthebag

meritaten wrote: »

3 DAYS into steroids and they aren't helping? then yes, she should have gone to walk in centre.
No hunny - they DONT take time to work if you are given the right treatment. her chest should not still be feeling tight.

antibiotics take time to work but - steroids are given in high doses to start with and the patient usually feels better almost straight away - then they are 'tailed off'. because you cannot 'suddenly' stop steroids.
I am talking about treatments such as prednisolone. the steroid 'inhalers' are a different matter. they are designed for long term use not to treat 'attacks'.

she needs to see someone who knows about asthma and its treatment. ASAP

I'm a bloke, don't patronise me by calling me 'hunny' or over use of bold or capital lettering it does you no favours.
Unlike you, I'm a health care professional.
Unlike you, I saw her today. She was fine, she does not need to clog up a waiting room tonight since its not life or death.
I did tell her 'it's up to you ' with regards to going to a walk in centre. Patient autonomy. Ya know, like you were preaching.
I also advised her intermediary measures.
By Monday it will be 5th day, and If she asks, and If there's no improvement, THEN I'll rethink my advice.
I've been on prednisolone a number of times. It's not UNUSUAL for patients not to be 100% after a couple days especially if there's underlying infection and if they have been off for a while.

liana_y2kuk

If thats how you speak to your sister, no wonder she isnt listening to you.

duchy

She may be your little sister - and you think she is a child - but she's over 18 and as a health professional you'll know you have no say and all medical decisions are hers alone to make.

If telling her you know what is best for her because you are the older brother and work in a medical capacity etc isn't working ( and frankly most young adults don't like to be told they are still children and don't know what they are talking about and tune out people who tell them that) then perhaps you need to change your approach and stop telling her -and try listening to her. If you are both talking AT each other rather than to each other - then neither of you are listening to the other.

Ultimately she's like every other patient - she doesn't have to take any notice of what you think - so as a smart as well as caring brother -you have the knowledge of her to know how to communicate with her rather than lecture her . You felt Meri was lecturing you and were rude to her......maybe you and your sister are alike and she felt you were lecturing her and not respecting her as the adult she is.

If you really do work in health care in a professional capacity you also know what the guidelines are when treating or even giving medical advice to a family member though !

pendragon_arther

You can take a horse to the clinic but...

My son had asthma and I took him for 5 sessions to an acupuncturist 15 years ago. No more asthma.