Should I go on the coffee date?

Chlorine7

I joined OKcupid last weekend on a whim. I feel a little uncomfortable with the online dating thing but I thought I'd try it before I decide it isn't for me and I can tell my friends to stop suggesting it.

I have ignored most messages (is this the right thing to do?) but I replied to one guy who I thought was reasonably attractive and he actually wrote something worth replying too.

The thing is, he asked to meet for coffee in his first message, which I initially didn't respond too but he asked again and I said the weekend would be ok, he replied Sunday and I couldn't respond immediately and he sent another message about meeting.

He seems far too keen but is that just me and my reluctance to meet a stranger? I know the past advice on here has been to meet asap but I feel that's too keen. Plus he's a lot younger than me, which isn't something I really want. On the other hand, if I meet him, I'll have done something outside my comfort zone. Will I be wasting both his and my time?

System

As I understand it, men far outnumber women on internet dating sites, which might explain the deluge of offers you are getting.

Stevie_Palimo

Only you can decide what is right and what is wrong for you here but if it was me that was meeting someone who had no intentions of wanting anything from it then I'd be a bit miffed as the general idea of a dating site is after all with a view to find love, one night stands or anything along these lines.

That said you may not click and not want anything more but as you say the age difference will imply neither of the above then surely you are wasting his time as well as yours.

Person_one

I always thought the point of online dating is that you can spend a bit of time working out if you're remotely interested in the other person without leaving the comfort of your own home and having to make an effort and wear makeup.

If you're going to just meet up straightaway without talking much or getting an idea of what the person is like, what's the point of paying for/bothering with the dating website?

You don't sound like you particularly want to go, you do realise you don't have to say yes just because he's asked, right?

pollyanna24

I'm a member of an online dating site and have met two people off them so far.

I agree that you should someone asap as you can spend weeks messaging someone building them up into something and then completely don't get on when you meet.

And online messages get a bit samey when you don't really know the other person.

Still, I think I would be a little freaked by wanting a meet up in the very first message too.

But there are more men on these sites than woman and I suppose they write messages to women and might only get a reply to 1 out of 10, so they have to try harder.

Up to you what you decide to do, but I think I would steer clear if you are not comfortable and if he really is that much younger than you.

LutonGirl

I met my OH via a dating site and after a few messages we decided to meet face to face. I am so glad I did. A coffee date isn't as daunting as a dinner date and a casual Sunday coffee sounds a nice way to see if there's any spark - and if not, you haven't wasted a whole day/evening.

Good luck. I hope it works out. I've been with my OH for just over 5 years now.

BucksLady

I would trust your instincts in this case. You feel he is perhaps a little too keen - maybe he is, but only you can decide . I do wish you luck.

SailorSam

Chlorine7 wrote: »

I have ignored most messages (is this the right thing to do?)

Why do you that ?
I'm on PoF and it use to annoy me if i didn't get a reply but then realised it wasn't just me, lots of other people never got replies either.
I can understand a woman not replying to an abusive type message, or even perhaps the copy/paste ...... "Do you want to chat" type. But if someone has taken the time to write an individual message, i would have thought that even if you weren't interested it was common cortesy to reply. Even if only thanks but no thanks.

pollyanna24

SailorSam wrote: »

Why do you that ?
I'm on PoF and it use to annoy me if i didn't get a reply but then realised it wasn't just me, lots of other people never got replies either.
I can understand a woman not replying to an abusive type message, or even perhaps the copy/paste ...... "Do you want to chat" type. But if someone has taken the time to write an individual message, i would have thought that even if you weren't interested it was common cortesy to reply. Even if only thanks but no thanks.

I reply to any that makes an effort (I'm not the OP by the way), but I don't reply to ones that just say, "Hi," well not often anyways. Or the ones that launch into how sexy/lovely I am etc.

On PoF though, I seem to get an awful lot of "Want to Meet You's," but hardly any messages.

But I do agree with SailorSam though. Why did you think it was the right thing to do to ignore people?! You're never going to meet someone doing that!

Flyonthewall

Some people like to meet straight away, others are happier talking a bit first.

If you're unsure you don't have to meet him. You could suggest talking a bit first or just say you're not interested.

It's fine to ignore people if uninterested, most people do so, but if you wanted you could send a quick message saying you're not interested. Some men may take that message as a sign to keep messaging you though, despite being turned down.

Anatidaephobia

I can understand why some people want to meet up very quickly particularly if they've had experiences in the past where they've spent weeks/months/years talking and getting to know each other then met IRL and didn't click or feel a spark. Looking back, that time feels wasted.

However, just because he wants to meet up already doesn't mean you have to. Just say you want to spend a bit more time chatting before you arrange to meet in person. In my experience, his reaction will probably be make or break. If he's fine with that then no problems but if he causes a fuss or insists on meeting ASAP then you'll just say no thank you and draw a line under it.