Should I go on the coffee date?

FBaby

burlington6 wrote: »

Actually, you're the one who sounds insecure

With that statement, you are proving my point. You are totally misreading me (insecure is indeed a word that you would never associate with me in the real world!), just like OP might be misreading this guy.

pollyanna24

I have replied on this before and I stick by what I say. Protracted correspondence can make it feel a letdown when you don't get on in real life.

But to want to meet up in the very first message would put me off personally.

What freaked me out recently was someone's first message saying, "So are you from .......... or ..........?" Two geographical areas very close to me when I could have been from neither of them as my profile just has the general area. This freaked me out cos I assumed he must already know me to know I must be from one of these two areas. So I thought he was either a stalker or someone I knew making fun of me as there was no picture attached to his profile.

I just think people have to think how their actions may be perceived rather than just jumping in.

indiepanda

I've been on OKCupid a couple of times with a couple of years gap when I was in a relationship with someone I met there. After my first experience I won't chat for long without arranging a meet up - too many time wasters looking for penfriends.

However, I wouldn't just agree to meet up with someone who suggested it in their first message - that's a bit too keen. Especially if they're basically too young for me so I know it won't go anywhere serious. I seemed to get a lot of much younger guys chasing me last time - some kind of !!!!!! / cougar fantasies going on I think.

I got quite fussy about who I replied to this time round - got too many cyber sex pests last time, and they were the ones that usually sent the very generic hi or you're pretty messages which you just know they'd sent to hundreds of women. I also ignored anyone who didn't live a sensible distance from my home - especially overseas. My usual view is if I can't get to a first date using an Oyster card I am not going.

I went on a first date last night with a guy I first spoke to on Sunday and after a few hours of trading messages I suggested (in response to the odd hint from him) we meet up. We ended up planning a second date before we went on the first, which is probably a bit unusual, but we'd really hit it off online, and he was being offered free tickets for a show so seemed ridiculous to say no as he wouldn't lose a penny if we decided not to go. Anyway we got on even better in person, so can't wait for the second date now.

I broke two of my "rules" to meet him though - he didn't have a completed profile which is usually a complete no for me as usually that's a sign of someone who is looking for sex not love. Turned out he was just in the process of getting started, he'd answered loads of the multiple choice questions and was about to start filling in a profile but checked his matches, saw we were a very close match and liked my profile so just got messaging.

I also saw he wasn't in London which is also a bit of a no for me usually, but before backing out I googled where he was from and turns out he's in the country next to my side of London, so it's about an hour drive to his, and he works in London a lot, so perfectly workable.

Overall I am a fan of internet dating - it's a good way to meet people you wouldn't usually come across. But you have to be ready to sort the wheat from the chaff and not get discouraged on the days that feels more like searching for a needle in a haystack!

FBaby

Good luck indie, your account of you meeting this new guy reminded me so much of my own experience. Been together for 8 years now, married for 3!

indiepanda

FBaby wrote: »

Good luck indie, your account of you meeting this new guy reminded me so much of my own experience. Been together for 8 years now, married for 3!

Thank you. Fingers crossed I am that lucky. We both seem equally keen which is a promising start.

DUTR

pollyanna24 wrote: »

I reply to any that makes an effort (I'm not the OP by the way), but I don't reply to ones that just say, "Hi," well not often anyways. Or the ones that launch into how sexy/lovely I am etc.

On PoF though, I seem to get an awful lot of "Want to Meet You's," but hardly any messages.

But I do agree with SailorSam though. Why did you think it was the right thing to do to ignore people?! You're never going to meet someone doing that!

This could be one of the reasons why......
People will look on meet me, and swipe right for yeah or left for neh, if it is a mutual match eg both have swiped right then those are the ones worth messaging.
No point sending a 4 page essay for no response especially when a few word message will also get no response.
Remember some are on there attention seeking and are probably too shy to ever go on a meet.
Coffee tea meeting is easy enough, public and no pressure, those fortunate on on both sides may progress to a 2nd date where they can do something more.

pollyanna24

DUTR wrote: »

This could be one of the reasons why......
People will look on meet me, and swipe right for yeah or left for neh, if it is a mutual match eg both have swiped right then those are the ones worth messaging.
No point sending a 4 page essay for no response especially when a few word message will also get no response.
Remember some are on there attention seeking and are probably too shy to ever go on a meet.
Coffee tea meeting is easy enough, public and no pressure, those fortunate on on both sides may progress to a 2nd date where they can do something more.

So I should go and look at the ones who want to meet me and then see if I want to meet them and then see if I get a message (or I suppose I could message the really nice ones, haha).

DUTR

pollyanna24 wrote: »

So I should go and look at the ones who want to meet me and then see if I want to meet them and then see if I get a message (or I suppose I could message the really nice ones, haha).

Nearly, if you also look at the meet me, the mutual matches will pop up and there is no charge for that, at least with that you know there is some attraction and more likely to message you, yes you could increase the odds by taking the initiative messaging too (but also be prepared for the no response )

steph2901

I would suggest that you do whatever you feel comfortable doing.

I met my husband on a dating site and we chatted for over a week before we actually met. But I knew before we met that we'd get on.

I also have friends who have met men as soon as they have spoken to them on dating sites. It's just what they prefer.

Good luck