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Relationship issues
awolo1
Posts: 155 Forumite
Hi,
I met a guy back in May, I've seen him every weekend since then. We don't live round the corner from one another, but it's not far to travel to him. It works for me because I'm busy in the week with work, so spending the weekends with him has been nice.
Up until recently, I have noticed that he has changed. I am now seriously contemplating the seriousness or quality of our relationship.
The other day, his dog ran away from him after he clipped his hair. He went to look for the dog, but couldn't find it. He hasn't called the police or council dog warden or put up missing posters on lamp posts, etc. He says he has limits and patience and his dog has crossed the line. He will not look for the dog any further. He doesn't care about the dog and doesn't want it back. He said the dog is better off 'missing'.
He has thrown away his dog leads, yet the bowl of water and food remains on the floor.
When I've brought up the conversation to talk about his dog, he tells me to shut up and not to talk about it. If I try to tell him what I would do, he says he doesn't care. I've tried to ask him if he is upset that his dog is missing to which he replies yes.
I am failing to understand why there is such a lack of motivation to find the dog. I cannot read his emotion or thought process, to me, he should be doing everything possible to find the dog. I'm not even a dog lover but I know that this is just bang out of order! This attitude of can't be bothered I find so unattractive, it makes me question how his mind really works.
He has also made various jealous remarks to me during the course of our so-far short term relationship, suggesting that I'm meeting other people when I go out on company events i.e. christmas party, etc for something. When I haven't been able to see him on a weekend, he has made an assumption that I have met somebody else. No matter how much I try to assure him that I am not, he finds it hard to trust what I am saying. I believe this stems from an incident where I went for some food with a colleague after work who is male and my partner was jealous that I went for this food because he couldn't come with me. He has openly admitted that he is jealous and finds it hard for me to socialise with company colleagues. I'm not even the sociable type.
We were walking to the local town center once to get some breakfast, and I touched him on the neck with a 'pain pen' (it emits an electric shock), before I had even pressed the button, he got me by the arm - dug his nails into my wrist and caused them to bleed and bruise. His reaction was completely over the top.
There is nearly every day a disagreement because he doesn't understand. He often has tantrums and acts like a kid. If he doesn't get his way, he will become very sarcastic, ignore my calls and try and make me feel guilty. He is very stubborn and doesn't like change.
He is a shy person with a introvert personality.
A month ago, he met my mother, and he was very nervous about this. He is openly gay and has had a previous relationship with somebody. We were talking for a while before he met my mother, I try to explain to him that she is very laid back, non judgmental and was really looking forward to meeting him. When they met, he actually got on with her and we all ended up going for coffee. At the end of the coffee, we went back to my family home, he would not step inside the house because my mothers partner was inside who he did not know. I had to force him to get him to go into the house to introduce himself. I was very embarrassed by this. I've try to discuss why he behaved like this but he doesn't like to go into the detail.
I'm not sure if it makes much difference, but he is Polish. I'm English, so I wonder whether there is any culture/language barriers, although his English is very good. I generally find that in our relationship I am repeating myself a lot which I find frustrating - or having to explain myself a number of times because he doesn't understand. However, this is something I can get over, it's not a deal breaker.
It seems like he has lost the plot. He is 30 if that helps.
I met a guy back in May, I've seen him every weekend since then. We don't live round the corner from one another, but it's not far to travel to him. It works for me because I'm busy in the week with work, so spending the weekends with him has been nice.
Up until recently, I have noticed that he has changed. I am now seriously contemplating the seriousness or quality of our relationship.
The other day, his dog ran away from him after he clipped his hair. He went to look for the dog, but couldn't find it. He hasn't called the police or council dog warden or put up missing posters on lamp posts, etc. He says he has limits and patience and his dog has crossed the line. He will not look for the dog any further. He doesn't care about the dog and doesn't want it back. He said the dog is better off 'missing'.
He has thrown away his dog leads, yet the bowl of water and food remains on the floor.
When I've brought up the conversation to talk about his dog, he tells me to shut up and not to talk about it. If I try to tell him what I would do, he says he doesn't care. I've tried to ask him if he is upset that his dog is missing to which he replies yes.
I am failing to understand why there is such a lack of motivation to find the dog. I cannot read his emotion or thought process, to me, he should be doing everything possible to find the dog. I'm not even a dog lover but I know that this is just bang out of order! This attitude of can't be bothered I find so unattractive, it makes me question how his mind really works.
He has also made various jealous remarks to me during the course of our so-far short term relationship, suggesting that I'm meeting other people when I go out on company events i.e. christmas party, etc for something. When I haven't been able to see him on a weekend, he has made an assumption that I have met somebody else. No matter how much I try to assure him that I am not, he finds it hard to trust what I am saying. I believe this stems from an incident where I went for some food with a colleague after work who is male and my partner was jealous that I went for this food because he couldn't come with me. He has openly admitted that he is jealous and finds it hard for me to socialise with company colleagues. I'm not even the sociable type.
We were walking to the local town center once to get some breakfast, and I touched him on the neck with a 'pain pen' (it emits an electric shock), before I had even pressed the button, he got me by the arm - dug his nails into my wrist and caused them to bleed and bruise. His reaction was completely over the top.
There is nearly every day a disagreement because he doesn't understand. He often has tantrums and acts like a kid. If he doesn't get his way, he will become very sarcastic, ignore my calls and try and make me feel guilty. He is very stubborn and doesn't like change.
He is a shy person with a introvert personality.
A month ago, he met my mother, and he was very nervous about this. He is openly gay and has had a previous relationship with somebody. We were talking for a while before he met my mother, I try to explain to him that she is very laid back, non judgmental and was really looking forward to meeting him. When they met, he actually got on with her and we all ended up going for coffee. At the end of the coffee, we went back to my family home, he would not step inside the house because my mothers partner was inside who he did not know. I had to force him to get him to go into the house to introduce himself. I was very embarrassed by this. I've try to discuss why he behaved like this but he doesn't like to go into the detail.
I'm not sure if it makes much difference, but he is Polish. I'm English, so I wonder whether there is any culture/language barriers, although his English is very good. I generally find that in our relationship I am repeating myself a lot which I find frustrating - or having to explain myself a number of times because he doesn't understand. However, this is something I can get over, it's not a deal breaker.
It seems like he has lost the plot. He is 30 if that helps.
0
Comments
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Can I ask why you are even asking for advice or anything here when it seems quite clear from your post that the guy is unstable and has phyco traits.
To me it would be better off if you ditched this loony before we read a story in the press alike the below :-
The Mirror reports that a Polish man who imprisoned an English man/woman and kept them in a small cage for his own pleasure before he chopped them up and ate them for Sunday dinner.0 -
You tried to electrocute him but you think his reaction to that (ie. stopping you!) was over the top? You both sound odd!0
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What on earth did you do that for? You sound just as bad as him! You dont inflict pain on someone you care about!We were walking to the local town center once to get some breakfast, and I touched him on the neck with a 'pain pen' (it emits an electric shock)This is a system account and does not represent a real person. To contact the Forum Team email forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com0 -
I didn't electrocute him and anyway, what happened to having a sense of humor?0
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Pain pen?????There is nearly every day a disagreement because he doesn't understand. He often has tantrums and acts like a kid. If he doesn't get his way, he will become very sarcastic, ignore my calls and try and make me feel guilty. He is very stubborn and doesn't like change.
Walk away - not worth it.
Not sure the OP is even serious.0 -
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I could stop laughing about the dog running away. ..i dont blame it..its winter and he s cut all his fur off.maybe ill see a bald dog on that add dogstrust. ..lol ..
sorry to make light of the issue“Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”
― George Bernard Shaw0 -
Although I did read your whole post, I'd made my mind up after the bit about his dog.
His dog could be somewhere, cold, scared and hungry. And he thinks not looking for it is a punishment for the dog. Like the dog will understand that. Not to mention that if it ends up in a council pound it will be put to sleep if nobody claims it (usually after about 7 days).
Or it could have been picked up by dog fighters, to be used as training for their fighting dogs.
His attitude is disgusting.
Ditch him, he's not a nice person.0
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