Flo's Debt Free Diary

crazy_cat_lady

Don't be too hard on yourself Florence - think how much worse the situation would have been if you hadn't been budgeting and keeping track. And as for saying you've had a good year, well why not? You can't be responsible for the bad things that have happened over the year - I really think that it's down to perspective. There are good things and bad things all of the time; I'm pleased that you have had a good year, and long may it continue.

Florence_J

Thanks CCL, I just hope 2017 continues to be as generous to me.

Last day at work completed! My OH has caught my lurgy and came home at lunchtime ill and his boss said don't come in tomorrow so our Christmas holidays have begun.

Only I can't celebrate with alcohol as I have been taking paracetamol so will have to wait to begin my drinking.

I think my OH and I are just planning on watching Die Hard 2 tonight and will begin the epic chore list tomorrow.

Florence_J

We are having a Christmas get together this evening with my OH's sister and parents. OH and I have spent the day tidying, sorting out the house, packing, wrapping things still not wrapped, everything is pretty much done apart from a little bit of washing up which I'm hoping OH will do as he owes me a turn and I was dead set on watching It's a Wonderful Life which always makes me cry.

I find it comforting that there is a film where it shows that you may not achieve all you want to in life, but you can still be a good person, retain a sense of decorum and dignity and a core inner strength, put other people first and after all is said and down be considered the richest man in town by the people whose opinions matter. Your life can have a richness that can't be put into something as simple as monetary value.

All this year I have avoided social situations, been afraid, been anxious, avoided my friends not because I want to but because I am convinced they don't like me and don't want to see me (so why did they invite you out, Flo? Answer me that.)

But Christmas puts me in different spirits and I have sent cards, I've sent messages and I've contacted people. And it's been lovely!!!!!!

So note to self. Talk/contact my friends and family. They do want to see me, have some fun.

Which leads me on to something.

I am planning on making 2017 a 'No Spends on Physical Items' year.

I should explain, basically this year I have still been buying things, clothes, notebooks, DVDs, Books, homeware etc etc. And I have seen my friends very very little on two counts.

1) The aforementioned anxiety issues.
2) The lack of money due to buying things.

So in 2017 I want to spend as much money as I can reasonably afford on seeing my friends, having a social life with my OH and maybe going on my first independently paid proper holiday since 2010.

But also in 2017 I want to buy no non-essential clothes (I've decided underwear and socks are allowed for obvious reasons), no notebooks, no DVDs, no Books, no 'solo food/drink' (eating anywhere on my own-like going to a coffee shop, or having a work lunch without a colleague etc etc), no homeware just because it looks really pretty and would really tie the room together etc.

I want a social life, and I don't want a house full of rubbish.

I have many, many clothes.

I think it will be tough. I may fail, but i will try.

Kitten868

Hey Flo, so nice to see you being in such high spirits for such a long time. You don't have to feel bad for enjoying 2016.
How about a tally? Aim for 2 social occasions a month? So 0/2 on your posts. And items I've not bought 25 or however many. I keep wanting to buy bowls in Wilkinsons. I have bought another heart bowl but not the star bowl. I also didn't buy the reindeer light I wanted. So you can give yourself a back slap for not caving in on here? I think I should do it too lol x

Florence_J

Thanks Kitten for your good words.

I still have to figure out the exact rules and 'exceptions' for my spend free plan. I heard about a book/blog called Save Karyn which I might buy before the new year begins so that technically I won't have broke any rules.

I do find I have been 'stockpiling' in preparation of a spend free year so maybe it won't initially save me money.

I just want to do without waste, and I realised a lot of things I did buy this year haven't been the 'absolutely must have cannot live without' purchase that I thought they were at the time.

I am thinking of turning it into an external blog-i technically already have a word press blog so may just remove all the old irrelevant posts and update it.

Don't worry, I will never leave MSE. MSE has been my guiding light this year. I feel like I'm amongst friends here, and to a certain extent I do find it easier to be more open when I have built up a relationship with people (I hate small talk) and also when I am more anonymous. It also helps that I am amongst people in a similar situation.

For better or worse I am an all or nothing type of person. I can't do moderation. I either do things to excess or I don't do them at all.

So I will find it easier to say 'Don't buy anything' then 'Buy X,Y,Z but only if X, Y, Z....'

I will also aim for 15 NSDs minimum a month.

I will have to really prepare myself for this challenge.

I have thought of one rule, which is if I absolutely NEED (not want) to buy a 'Forbidden' Item (Like somehow all my clothes explode and I have nothing to wear) then I can buy them-but I can't spend a single penny on them.

Don't worry, I'm not talking about stealing, I just mean I have to be clever with my shop and scan/shopprize/pinecone/survey sites and supermarket vouchers. My OH has already agreed I can keep our Tesco Clubcard Vouchers for my own personal use, and It's not too difficult for me to achieve around 15 quid in vouchers (including the ones I already have) when they next release the clubcard vouchers (Thank you Martin Lewis and PayQwiq). So that's not too far off an item of clothing.


TBH, where I work doesn't really have a dress code. In fact there's a woman who works in the marketing department and she dresses and looks like a Blue Haired Siouxsie Sioux, so it's clear that unless I suddenly get a really super important grown up job my usual shirt and trousers/black jeans outfits are fine. So really I don't need to buy any clothes, it's just that I love, love, love buying clothes.

I'm being strict with myself and saying no to Charity shop clothes as well as although I have picked up some gorgeous items in charity shops-clothes I rank amongst my favourite items-I have also picked up a lot of rubbish and things I don't really like two days later just because they were cheap.

I want to see my friends. I want to have fun. I don't want to have a great outfit that I am too poor to wear out anywhere. What's the point in dressing super cool if it's only my kitchen that gets to see it?

Florence_J

Hi everybody,

Merry Christmas to all.

:xmastree: :xmassign: :snow_grin :snow_laug :santa2:

I started the day with a bank round down payment to my Capital card. This year I have been very blessed. I hope 2017 is as kind to me.

Florence_J

Today in the adventures of 'Flo's Dad is a little bit disorganised' he appeared at the table with my Brother's gift, my OH's gift and 'I'll sort yours out this week' for me.

I know this will sound bratty and not in the spirit of Christmas but I was a little bit miffed.

I'm going to use this as an opportunity to convince him to go against his aversion to it and just give me money for Christmas.

crazy_cat_lady

Merry Christmas Flo :xmastree:

Florence_J

Thank you :santa2:

Florence_J

I feel I should explain a little bit why my Dad's lack of present this Christmas upset me so you don't all think I'm some sort of spoilt brat.

During the hardship years which started when I was 12 and went on till pretty much when I went to University at the age of 19 we lived on benefits as my Dad's business and himself went bankrupt for a variety of reasons (there really are so many to mention) but I'm sure it wasn't helped by the fact my Mum was an alcoholic who had been to rehab twice.

One year when I was 15 it was Father's day and somehow my youngest brother and my oldest brother had managed to get something for my dad, whereas me and my other brother couldn't.

This was on account of the whole WE HAD NO MONEY business. I mean I don't want everyone to go 'Ewwwww" but I would wear my brother's aerosol deodorant to school as my Dad could afford to buy one communal deodorant but I could forget about a separate girls deodorant.

I didn't even carry a wallet/purse as it hurt too much to know that there was no money in it ever.

Anyway so that Fathers day my Dad acted like a complete and utter passive agressive D*** to me and my brother, muttering 'at least some of my children care' and slamming things to the point that my youngest brother was getting tearful and begging me and my brother to magic something out of nothing for our Dad to stop him acting that way.

So later that day we went to our older sisters house and we made a mix CD on her computer (we did not have a computer) and gave it to my dad and he finally started acting normally.

I'm not saying you shouldn't honour things like father's day or mother's day, but can I point out that I went several years only intermittently getting things like birthday or christmas presents from my dad and we being the good kids that we were knew to accept this as we knew the financial situation and understood it and weren't going to be spoilt brats.

During the hardship years my Dad had an extreme anger management problem. It was so bad that although he never ever did hit us, not even once, I genuinely lived in constant fear that it was going to happen. To be honest it used to be that I wanted to go to University but by the time I was of that age I HAD to go to University because if I had to spend another second under that roof with my dad.......

Things did improve, but it reached an incredibly bad point first. I won't go into details but basically my dad went into a fit of anger directed at my Brother's flatmate and events transpired that resulted in him getting a police caution.

It had to reach that point before he would accept he had an anger management problem and sought the help and medication he so desperately needed.

I don't want to revisit the past too much and be 'Woe is me, feel sorry for me' as I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me, and I ultimately do love and respect my dad now, but I find it a little hurtful that he expects everyone to do everything for him and thinks nothing of showing the same respect to other people.