Flo's Debt Free Diary

Florence_J

Sorry for the post above. I just needed to vent, and yes I do sound like a brat. It is very much a 'First World Problem' and I should be more grateful. Please feel free to ignore the post.

crazy_cat_lady

You don't sound like a brat at all. Your dad's unacceptable (in my opinion) past behaviour has had a massive effect on you, and I would expect it to as well. Remember, this is your diary, and you can say what you like on it.
Also remember that you can't control other people's behaviour - only your own. Your dad is wrong, whether he realises it or not. No real comfort I know, but that is my opinion anyway...

Florence_J

Thanks CCL.

I have learnt to accept people's flaws as part of their full character.

A later heart to heart with my Dad revealed a bit more. I asked for money instead of a present and explained (in little detail) that I wanted to pay off a debt and that his earlier offer of taking me shopping this week I was going to reject as I have anxiety in large crowds and find shopping stressful enough on a quiet week day-let alone during the christmas sales.

And he said that he also finds shopping unbelievably stressful and I realised for him putting off shopping is his way of controlling his stress levels. In fact I can remember even as a child that the Christmas present shopping took place on the 23rd and the 24th of December each year.

For me although I find shopping terrifying, I find doing things at the last minute much much worse.

I'll happily admit that my Dad is FAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR from perfect, and that for some reason he has always been able to relate to his sons (even though they don't share his interests) but has always seen his daughters (who share his interests) as being some sort of other worldly impossible creatures which he can't even begin to fathom. But at the end of the day I am very much his daughter. I love music compulsively, I like football, I love decorating the house. I get the parts of my character I like the most from him.

He is flawed, yes. He has hurt me greatly in the past. But he is my dad and at the end of the day he was the parent that didn't abandon us.

This is the thing, I am quick to anger, but I always forgive people in the end.

Anyway the good news is I now have a nice chunk of money to throw at the debt.

Despite my best efforts my Capital Card is most likely not going to be cleared before January 1st 2017.

But it will be severely reduced.

And I may transfer the final balance to the Tesco 0% balance transfer card, because although I'm only paying about £5 interest on the balance, as my OH pointed out that is £5 I could be taking off the debt.

Florence_J

Hi Everybody,

Today my OH and I went into town to meet up with my best friend and her fiance and I did indulge in some shopping. I bought......a wallet!

Although my wallet is a little on the falling apart side of things, the wallet I bought today was not to replace it but instead to be used exclusively to keep my shopping budget money separate.

I have been using a tin to keep the change separate whenever I went food shopping and now I have a nice wallet exclusively for my loyalty cards, vouchers and pennies.

We also indulged my OH and went to Wimpy (yes, there are a few remaining), then after we said goodbye to my friends we went quickly to a coffee shop as my sore throat had started playing up and I wanted something hot.

Then my OH and I had a nice walk home, and are back at my Dad and Stepmum's house now. I don't think we will need a dinner tonight.

My OH treated me to the Wimpy. I have this thing where if I need money, or if my OH is going to be paying for me when we are out socially with friends what we do is he withdraws the money and gives it to me, so that when it comes to paying for food or drinks I can take out 'My' money and give it to him.

This is a stupid pride thing where I don't want my friends to know that my OH is paying for me.

Thankfully this is a lot lot less frequent than it used to be.

Basically, I grew up with Destiny's Child and the song 'Independent Women' I see it as a point of pride that I (for the most part now) pay my way. I don't want to remove the romance from our relationship and go completely dutch to the point that my OH can't buy me a drink every now and then without me paying him back, but we earn the same money and I don't think he should buy me every drink, every meal, every cinema ticket.

When he was supporting me, I know he did it because he loved me, I know he did it because the alternative (me being destitute or having to move back home) was not what he wanted, but I felt like a parasite.

I'm not saying people who do live this way are parasites, everyone is different, every relationship dynamic is different and this certainly is not in reference to the Welfare system (I am a huge supporter of the welfare system), but for me I always strive for my independence and being in charge of my money and paying for my fair share of things is my ultimate goal.

I actually want to be the bread winner and earn more than my OH, and as one of the things I love most about him is his confidence in his masculinity, he is not even the littlest bit intimidated by this dream of mine.

In fact he is all for it as he wants to be a stay at home dad so he can paint all day (To Be Fair I don't have children yet so I can't be 100% sure about this but when he said that I just laughed at him for thinking he would have time to paint and bring up our hypothetical children)

I remember once in a Uni lecture we were talking about shopping habits and a really annoying girl on my course was saying 'Oh when I go shopping my boyfriend buys me everything, and If I buy something then it's because I felt like being good' and I just wanted to slap her. How can people live that way?

Yes my bad shopping habits got me into debt, but it is MY debt, and whilst I regret most of what I bought and the way that I bought it, at least I can be sure that I made every decision-good or bad-myself and that I didn't drag anyone else into financial ruin.

My OH is one of those people who never buys anything and always searches for the best deal and almost never ever buys himself anything new like the latest CD by his favourite artists, and he can feel buyers remorse over buying a 99p second hand CD. As a result of this he is far more sensible than I was, and has far more money than me.

Despite the fact he does all that he remains a little dubious about my survey sites, apps and shop and scan business that I do, but at least I was able to convince him to start using a Tesco clubcard.

I hope all of you are doing well. We have sadly lost a few more stars today, I am particularly gutted about Carrie Fisher, though every death is sad.

The celebrity death I have felt saddest about this year was that of the actor Anton Yelchin, as he was so young (my age) and it was such a bizarre tragic accident at home and he was so talented. I had seen him in many films and although he didn't usually have the main part, his part was usually of significance and he always shone in his roles.

Take care everyone.

Florence_J

Hi guys, I could use some advice.

A little while ago I mentioned that I read a book called 'In The Red' by Alexis Hall where after racking up over 30 grand in debt, she decided to enforce a year of not buying anything. Her rules were something along the lines of:

1) No New clothes
2) Essential Purchases only
3) Pay as much to the debt as possible.

I have been inspired by this book and I want to do something similar next year but I am still hashing out the exact rules and conditions.

I am thinking of something along the lines of the above rules, but what I want to do instead with the money is I want to have more of a social life (and pay as much to the debt as possible).

As you know from reading this diary I suffer from anxiety. I get anxious and don't see my friends. I get invited to things and I get it into my head that they invited me out of pity and don't really want me there, so I don't go. I feel anxious going anywhere without my OH.

I'm not saying my anxiety will be magic'd away now that I have decided I can spend my money on socialising, but it was part of my anxiety. I want to save my money and put money aside to socialise. I want to go on a holiday with my OH that we have exclusively paid for, instead of being invited on holiday with his parents who pay for everything.

I am trying to compile a list of what I can and can't spend my money on and could do with a few suggestions. Here's what I've got so far:

CAN BUY

Running shoes
Pants, socks, tights, bras and plain black leggings
Clothing alteration costs, shoe cobbling and dry cleaning
Basic Toiletries-shower gel, shampoo/conditioner, face wash, moisturiser, toothpaste, mouth wash, deodorant (this is fine as these are included in the food shopping budget)
Seeing my friends, having lunches with friends/colleagues, holidays, gigs and cinema trips as long as there is someone else with me
Gifts for other people
General Food and Drink for the home
my football training sessions
running events/races entry costs

CAN'T BUY

(This can be condensed to 'EVERYTHING THAT ISN'T LISTED IN THE CAN BUY SECTION' but to clarify please see below)

Solo coffees and Lunches/meals (I used to go to coffee shops on my own all the time, and sometimes would have lunch places on my own-this will no longer happen, if I want a coffee/lunch then I have to see a friend at the same time)
Music-cds, vinyls etc
DVDs
Books
Magazines
Stationary that is 'pretty' rather than 'essential' (I have an expensive notebook habit)
All clothing that isn't listed in the Can buy section
Board Games (I collect TV and Film board games)
Barbie Alarm Clocks (i thought I would really emphasise this point. who remembers when I bought a Barbie Alarm clock in the summer? I spent nearly 30 quid on that. WHEN I WAS UNEMPLOYED. No more)
Mugs (I have a mug buying addiction)

And here are a few bonus rules.

If I absolutely positively have to buy a 'Forbidden' item then it must meet one or more of the following criteria.

It must be a purchase that would save me money almost instantly (eg a thermos so I don't buy takeaway coffees)
It must be essential (all my clothes have emigrated to Australia and I am now without clothes and have work in 2 hours)
It must benefit my health

Any suggestions, ideas, helpful thoughts guys?

Florence_J

Hi everybody,

This I expect will be my last post for 2016.

I started this diary in December 2015 when my financial situation was nearly at rock bottom. I was about 2 months away from having negative income-despite having a very good job.

You have seen how far I have come.

Things are no longer a struggle. Things are still tight, but I have hope. In 2015 I didn't really believe I was capable of achieving anything positive towards my finances. I didn't have any faith in myself and I probably started this with half a heart in it. In fact I did disappear for several weeks and I expected this to go the way of so many other diaries and goals before and just fade away.

But something pulled me here again, and I never looked back.

I once said getting into debt was the best thing that ever happened to me. Whilst that was possibly going a little far, there have certainly been many positive developments in me and my life as a result of getting in this situation.

Bring on 2017.

snozberry

I read her book!!! I read it when I hit rock bottom all of those years ago and I found it a real source of inspiration (it didn't stop me spending though - just not as much). Good luck with it You will get there

Next year (well in a few hours), I am doing Project Happiness. I have anxiety as well but mine was triggered when something really bad happened to me and I really like how the book has been broken down into months and the goals within it are manageable for me.

Here is to a fabulous New Year :beer:

Florence_J

Thanks Snozberry!

Florence_J

GOALS FOR 2017

ME

Lose enough weight so that I am able to fit into my beloved Leopard print coat by winter 2017 (Aiming for about a 2.5 stone weight loss)

Pay off about £1500 from my debts-ideally two credit cards and half my overdraft

Get a full time, permanent job-ideally in the town I live in

Take my health seriously-eat better, exercise more consistently and improve my social anxiety

Blog consistently

BONUS GOAL Love my OH as much as humanly possible

OH'S GOALS

Paint

Be ill less

Have artwork exhibited

Get a new and better job

ME AND OH'S COMBINED GOALS

Have a holiday together

Exercise more frequently

Experiment more with food

Have more social gatherings

Florence_J

WHAT I SPENT MY MONEY ON IN 2016

Hi guys, yesterday was the last day of 2016 (in case some how you had missed that )

I usually monitor my spending according to tax years, but decided to keep a note of what I spent in 2016 from Jan to Dec.

Here is what I spent my money on

Non Essential Food £1056.25
Essential Food £2037.24
Accessories £13
Clothing £390.24
Bad Times £11.50 (bad times used to refer to when I smoked but this year it refers to gambling)
Health £242.96
Gifts £215.55
Postage and Packaging £202.85
Travel £669.76
Toiletries £13.92 (before you think I must be really gross, most of my toiletries are included in the 'Essential food/grocery' category and also I am a crafty bulk buyer
Hobbies £509.70
Hair care £25.50
Stationary £111.47
Make up £6.97 (I will be the first to admit I very rarely wear makeup)
Home ware £113.36
Social £438.03
Clothing Maintenance £37.35
Christmas £456.92 (and nothing was put on a Credit Card)
Debt £54.30 (This was for things like balance transfer fees and paying my self employed taxes)
Ebay Fees £36.41
Beauty Treatments £5 (my one and only manicure)
Holiday £80.85
Friends Wedding £126.70
Work Expenses £44.15

TOTAL 2016 SPENDING = £6899.98