Flo's Debt Free Diary

helsbell

Hi Flo

I think your doctor should be able to refer you for CBT on the NHS. This is how I got it and I didn't have to wait long from what I can remember. There is also a self referral system in my area, so that may be an option for you too.

Please don't give up on your friend's wedding. I think you know that you will regret not going if you do. If you could reconnect with some friends that might help you to prepare. Start small: send someone a text to see how they are; build up to inviting them round for coffee, or going to theirs - that way you don't need to tidy up and can leave when you've had enough ��

Most of all, take it easy on yourself. Have you looked into what financial help you can get? I feel the stress of money worries is ramping up your anxiety and wonder if you could get signed off to take the pressure off.

I hope today has been a better day. Hugs.

HB

Florence_J

Hi everybody,

Thank you for all your advice and suggestions.

Have been to Doctors and am being referred for counselling, there is a long waiting list, but at least it's a start.

I am in a much better place and head space. Some days I feel like I can conquer the world and that I am a champion. Other days the littlest thing will set me on to a deep spiralling path to depression or anxiety.

Today and yesterday were good days.

x

Florence_J

Today was a designated spend day, and I realise they can be slightly bad for me as I over buy things so I don't have to ruin a NSD on another day. In theory it's a good idea but not one I can do too often.

Took some bags to the charity shop, arranged a clothes pick up, got a spare set of keys cut for when I go running, got a pair of shoes fixed, bought some more interior dehumidifiers (I am addicted to these things-they have saved my cupboards!) and bought lots of tupperwares at a much cheaper price than amazon which is where I thought I would have to go.

Cooked an epic lasagne, my best yet, made the white sauce myself (i know most MSE-ers would be shocked that someone uses a packet to make white sauce, but i lack confidence in the kitchen for certain things)

Have done a naughty and will be going to see the band Pixies later this year. I genuinely feel like it is a once in a lifetime opportunity so I feel it is worth the extremely reasonable (for a band of their stature and influence) £38. This does mean I have paid £30+ recently for two gigs-both in December, so that will be an added cost to factor in later this year.

Bought a book that looked brand new and untouched in a charity shop that would be perfect for my stepmum, so that is her birthday present sorted.

I love how clear the kitchen looks.

Have updated my C.V. a little in preparation of going to some jobs agencies this week to look for work. getting a bit desperate here.

Football tomorrow!!! Missed it last week as I was visiting family. Can't wait to play again.

Also I am a new, new record weight. Very close to being my lightest for at least 2 years.

Everyone, if you want to lose weight, download the myfitnesspal app (and obey it, admittedly I didn't for the first few days) I have lost loads of weight just by seeing in black and white how many calories I have been eating and how easy it is to go over.

Also I know this is going to be unpopular, but I greatly recommend measuring your food to get accuracy about how many calories you are consuming and how big your portion sizes are. Yes it is a bit boring, but it works.

crazy_cat_lady

White sauce from a packet? How dare you!!! Mine comes from a jar

Florence_J

crazy_cat_lady wrote: »

White sauce from a packet? How dare you!!! Mine comes from a jar

I have also used jars But no more, once I had conquered a cheese sauce I felt i could conquer a white sauce. The next 'saucy' challenge will be a peppercorn sauce.

Florence_J

Have some super duper news (for me).

My friend-the bride-contacted me to say some other guests at the wedding who i also know are organising a coach to the wedding, so.....i can cancel my 2 night hotel accommodation, get the coach instead and save £230!!! In addition this will also save me numerous costs related to staying at the hotel, such as taxi costs, meal costs, so all in all I am going to save a lot of money

Am up to 5 NSDs now. So not going to meet my target of 15, even If i don't buy a single thing more this month. It is not totally unfeasible to reach 13 which would beat last months total, so maybe with some careful planning it can be achieved.

Florence_J

A bit of a weird day. I woke up at a fairly respectable time, then fell asleep on the sofa for many hours. I have spent the whole day in my PJs and I know some people do this, but I have never been one of them. (what i'm about to say applies only to me and no one else, I don't pass judgement) For me I see it as a sign of things going terribly wrong or being terribly ill and maybe today was a little of both.

I decided to transfer some money from my credit card to my account so rang them up to do so, and for regular readers of this you will know I find making and receiving telephone calls very, very difficult (I can just about talk to my OH on the phone and even then I have frequent urges to hang up mid phone call). The person I spoke to's customer service skills weren't great and they tried to push a product on me and although I didn't sign up to anything It made me feel really, really drained.

I am getting steadily more and more depressed about not having a job. It is making bad thoughts come into my head. I feel like my brain is playing on loop a montage of every bad moment in my life, from childhood to adulthood, and it is becoming more and more difficult for me to keep sending good thoughts to my brain.

The fact is the range of jobs I can do is getting more and more limited as I can't work call centre or customer service jobs because I am petrified of people. I have mild panicked moments just thinking about when I used to work these jobs.

And there don't seem to be that many jobs available to even apply for.

I don't know what to do. Do i deny myself any sort of fun till I get a job again? I know that's the sensible option.

I am finding it really hard to be positive about my job prospects.

crazy_cat_lady

Hey Flo
I think that not having a job is one of the most stressful things that can happen, and I think that being out of work is tough so don't be too hard on yourself. Easier said than done I know but try and remind yourself of some of the positives of the past few months. One good thing is the saving on the wedding. I know you were stressing about it.
Are you crafty at all? Is there anything that you could make and sell? I knit, and taught myself to crochet and am still gobsmacked that people will pay me to make things for them. However, I also pay people for things that I can't do (party catering, gardening etc) so I suppose it does make sense in some ways.

Bobarella

Florence so sorry you are struggling. Really am. cats advice is good as always. I wonder about something that doesnt require much human interaction like dog walking but would get ypu out and about a bit would work?
And I was impressed about the hotel saving too.

Florence_J

Hello CCL and Bob, thanks for the advice. I think I was just having a bad day. Sometimes I feel so happy that I feel like I can achieve anything, other days I feel sad.

I have decided to make the most of being without a job. At least I have been able to watch Euro and the Olympics to my hearts content, and the paraolympics are coming up.

My OH has gently nudged me into seeing that now is the perfect time to do some serious writing. I don't want to waste another second.

Having said that I did make up at 11.30 again.