Time to grow up.

Bobarella

Ouch to the unexpected costs for OH. Not what you need.

jvr

Hi


I have just read all your diary and wow you have been through so much its unbelievable!
Firstly, boo to your work 2 days off in 3 months is hardly crazy!!
Secondly I agree with what someone else said about the emotional stress of the almost adoption and then the situation now, that along with everything else will have taken a huge mental toll on you that shouldn't be underestimated.
In my opinion (not that you asked) separating yourself financially from your mum so she can't hold it over you might be a great option in the long run - although I realise that is something easier said than done.
Earlier in your diary you mentioned something about the cycle you followed being like your mums. One thing I wanted to say reading your diary is that you don't give yourself enough credit for breaking a destructive cycle. You have been through so much that would tear some couples apart yet you and OH have worked through it. The obvious love you have for FLP shines through and its clear you have completely broken the cycle.
You also mentioned about the jobs being a way of hiding from intrusive thoughts, which I can relate to. Is there anything you enjoy doing/ would like to do like yoga (that's what I do and has made huge change to my mental health problems) that even just 1 hour a week would be about dedicating some time to looking after YOU. You may have feelings of not deserving such things, but possibly the only way to break that is to do something that helps you learn to feel deserving.


As for finances, I know a while back in the diary someone suggested using cash envelope system, have you thought any more about that? It makes it a much bigger decision to overspend as you really can see that you are. The other major difference I made was buying things like bottled drinks/ chocolate/ crisps in bulk at the supermarket rather than hitting a vending machine. If you calculate your pay for some of these other jobs... if you spend £5 a day on lunch and snacks that's £100 a month that you could turn into £20 bringing stuff in? Would your time not be better spent on stuff like this?


I really hope you don't feel I'm being too presumptuous in all my suggestions. Having read your diary over a few days its all come blurting out in one go!


I really hope 2017 brings lots of good things for you. you definitely deserve it

Megano

So my MIL has decided she no longer uses her slow cooker (not that I think she ever did) - so I grabbed it with both hands and am mentally and physically preparing to make stew in it tomorrow (we have a couple of safety pizzas in the fridge just incase it goes badly :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:). I understand to some this is not a big deal but coming from a girl who considers warmed up pasta sauce and cooked pasta her speciality then its a big deal in our household.
This week was my 1st week back at W1 and there has been no mention of the meeting my old manager said I had to go to about attendance - I told my new manager about the Christmas situation and how it may have had an impact with my OCD and my anxiety and he's going to see if we can put it through as unpaid leave instead.
So remember the old old W3 (the office cleaning job I left because I was cleaning !!!!!! toilets while everyone else was sitting around?) in a moment of weakness I texted her asking if she was looking for staff and whilst I was waiting for a reply the bookies manager (the new W3 texted me) asking if I wanted to do another shop in Union Street - then the old W3 texted me back offering me my old job -
Then today the doctor manager texted me saying he had two doctors in Knightswood each an hour. 1 gets done an 3 days a week and the other 5 starting at the end of Feb.
The problem with that is to get to Knightswood via public transport is a pain because a 18 minute car journey takes about 40 minutes plus when I was doing the old doctors it really impacted the amount of shifts I could do with the NHS.
I dunno its a little bit of a mess if I'm honest.
Im thinking of saying no thanks to old old W3 (lets face it if you read back on the diary it wasn't the greatest of places to work) - taking on the extra shop - because I'll be the key holder.
I think it would be stupid and unmanageable to do both shops and the office
Like the office starts at 5am until 7am technically if I started W1 at 10 or 12 then I could go to the bookies and clean it before it opens at 8am - but the week I start at 8am I would need to do the bookies when it closes at 10.30pm.
I dunno I think 3 jobs is more than enough for anyone. What do you guys think?
I think I need a Bernards Watch so I can stop time. Then I'll be able to all of them!

There is so many things I want to do this year. I want to go to military fitness (which is like £35pcm) and save for Florida (at the moment we have £1710 saved - Im really grateful OH decided to take me on this holiday but I kinda wish he wanted until we were debt free)
Ive crunched the numbers and it all seems possible - I guess the only thing holding me back is me really.
Its like i want to go to the gym and get fit and take up running yet I keep filling up all my free time with part time cleaning jobs.
:(:(:(:(:(

Megano

So I told OH the other jobs Ive been offered and he looked really upset and concerned - he's not the sort of person to tell me what I can and can't do but he was saying he's really worried that I'm going overboard with the extra jobs and just the amount of hours I would be working.
Granted its an extra £200 odd per month but it would involve leaving the house at 4.30am going to the office until 7am then going to the bookies (the current W3) then heading to W1 and doing an 8 hour shift there and then potentially doing the an NHS shift until 8pm.
Deep down I know it would be unmanageable and if your spinning all those plates eventually one of them is going to smash on the ground.
What do you guys think?

JustAboutThere

Megano wrote: »

So I told OH the other jobs Ive been offered and he looked really upset and concerned - he's not the sort of person to tell me what I can and can't do but he was saying he's really worried that I'm going overboard with the extra jobs and just the amount of hours I would be working.
Granted its an extra £200 odd per month but it would involve leaving the house at 4.30am going to the office until 7am then going to the bookies (the current W3) then heading to W1 and doing an 8 hour shift there and then potentially doing the an NHS shift until 8pm.
Deep down I know it would be unmanageable and if your spinning all those plates eventually one of them is going to smash on the ground.
What do you guys think?

I think you're trying to do too much.

Yes, it would be great to get rid of your debts, but what's it worth - at the cost of your health, either physical or mental.

As you've already said, you can cut back in some ways - take more food in from home (that slow cooked stew - or some fruit. Even if you buy rubbish in bulk at the supermarket, just so you're not spending every day from the vending machine / canteen.

If you're not already, start a spending diary and total up what's essential and what isn't. You may surprise yourself and be able to make up the difference (what the extra job would pay) with reining in spending.

OK, you have debts to service, but you are also allowed a life whilst paying them off. Running from one job to the next doesn't sound like much fun.

If you can avoid taking on more work, I would.

Look after yourself.

Megano

Urgh! Im full of a head cold/flu and feeling awful - the good news is I managed to get a sneaky holiday off W1 and W2 until Friday.
We are really understaffed at W3 so the manager has asked me to clean another store - which is win/win because its a key holder role and it means I don't need to go back to the old W3 (sorry i know its confusing) but the manager is texting me like everyday "when will you be back?""will you be back Thursday?" when will you be back?"
I understand he's short staffed but come on! Give me a break!
After oh replaced 2 tyres on the car it turns out that he has a puncture on another and the tubing is totally ruined meaning another tyre needs to be purchased (there is a possibility that the other front one will need to be done as well potentially meaning 4 new tyres this month!)

BIL has been given an extra night with FLP which is great because it means we are moving in the right direction! He's said that at the next children's panel he's going to apply for full custody, but the closer to the "end" of the saga the more stressed mil is getting. It feels like you can't even ask how the weather is without him jumping down your throat - he's like a storm in a teacup.
We went down to MIL on Sunday and he RANTED at us for 30 minutes telling us how hard it is for him - how no one is there to help him and we both said we're here! What do you need!? and instead of giving us problems he just ranted at us some more.
He's the sort of guy who doesn't want his problems to be fixed, instead he's wanting to be consumed by them so he can throw himself a pity party.
Then the next day he phoned up OH and ranted again for another 20 minutes. OH is saying we need to take a step back and just let the world do a couple of turns - if he's not willing or able to help himself we can't force him.
its been a long saga with ups and downs - I just hope we're not moving from 1 drama to another.

Bobarella

BIL sounds like he is so stressed out. But if there is nothing he can specifically ask from your help with then that's hard to listen to ultimately.

Megano

Bobarella wrote: »

BIL sounds like he is so stressed out. But if there is nothing he can specifically ask from your help with then that's hard to listen to ultimately.

I get the fact that he's stress out but its a different drama on a different day all the time and its exhausting - of course I want to support him as much as possible but I'm afraid the worlds problems don't stop and start at BIL.
MIL hasn't even called OH - she use to call him everyday and now everytime she speaks to him its always "BIL did this, BIL did that" and he's like you know a hello? how are you would be nice.
So I called her up and right enough it was he did this, he did that so i asked her outright "when did you last speak to OH" and she was like on Tuesday so I had to remind her she didnt she hasn't called or spoken to OH all week.So she said she would give him a call - but its a bit of a sad state when you need to phone someone to remind them to call there other son.
Anyway enough about him
Its payday x 3 today so I've had to do the fine balancing act of working out this months budget - I'm always worrying that I'm not paying as much or I should be which generally means I end up paying a little more but I've managed to finally pay 10% off my debts which finally means goodbye MBNA - the card has been cancelled and cut up. There is no turning back now - I'm determined to get rid of this debt!
Thankfully the overtime train is starting again at W1 - so I'm down for 4 hours on Sunday which is at double time!!!
W3 is annoying me so I've had to take the past week off due to ill health and every second day my area manager was texting me "when are you back" "are you back tomorrow""Im short staffed - when will you be back" "are you feeling better yet" - I can't complain 9/10 its a fairly easy job but honestly if it wasn't for this debt i would have told him to bolt. Our employers have been taken over which means they are thinking of introducing a "login/logout" system which no one is a fan of - generally speaking doing the store will never take the full hour depending on the state from the day before (remember its to be done everyday) but if you have to login and out it means your only going to get paid for the time of the site - I get you should be paid for the work you do but I don't really fancy getting up every morning to be paid for potentially 30 minutes.
The befriender place I applied for is looking for people again! The closing date is the 20th so plenty of time to submit my application and I had a job interview for weekend bar work. It was the worlds quickest interview
*Do you have experience
^ no but I'm a hard worker and quick to learn
*Its easy as long as you can build report
^Fantastic I'm really keen to learn

It ended with the normal I've got a couple of people to see you'll hear back in a few days - followed by waiting by the phone.
I'm really tempted to phone and ask but I was speaking to my mate who use to run a business and he said if someone called him asking for an answer he would rule them out and i should just wait and see, but patience is not a virtue I possess.
I'm like what if she can't read my contact details? (i have terrible writing) what if she's trying to call me when I'm on the phone? :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Bobarella

As always Megano you have so much going on. I hope you get the befriender job. It is really hard waiting to know how things will turn out isn't it. I personally think a couple of days and then a follow up email is absolutely fine. Why not? And I have employed people myself so I shall take the opposing views to your friend. Nothing wrong with keenness.

It is sad about the BIL/family situation. Can only hope it does get better.

And congratulations on your debt reduction too, that's great

Bob

Megano

Since the beginning of jan - W3 (bookies) has told me he need cover at another store in the city centre (not a big deal but the normal rules apply after 10.30pm or before 7.30am)
Finally agreed to do it 2 weeks ago and then I come down with the chest infection which knocked me off my feet so after going backwards and forwards I tell my boss I'm able to start again on Sunday and could I meet up with him on Saturday so i can get my keys back (as he was covering my store) and he can show me around and tell me what needs to be done in the new one.
I get a text saying he can't but the keys will be waiting for me in the new store. Awesome.
Go into the store and Im like "Hi!"Hi""Hi - Im your new cleaner. Im here to pick up the keys for x and y" the manager is like we only have the keys to y you'll need to phone your boss.
My boss does not do phone calls everything is text only - so I text him "the keys haven't been left for x" he's like yeah i think it might be too much you doing both stores (now remember folks it was him that asked if I could!" so I sent a reply "oh have you found someone to do that store" he repays back no - I still needing cover.
At this point I'm thinking what the hell is going on? so i reply back saying I'm better now so if your still needing someone I'm more than happy to help and his last text was I'll think about it.........
I know Im in debt. I know Ive made a target which I'm on track with but my god I'd love to tell him where to shove his job right now.
Anyway......
The boss from the doctors texted me saying he has 8 hours available in knightswood and would I be interested - I want to say yes but with public transport it will take at least 30 minutes to get there and thats before Ive even started doing any of the work. Apparently its only a 10 minute journey by car but I can't expect OH to keep running me around places after all he's not my taxi service.
I also recieved a reply from the old office boss (the 5am until 7am cleaning job) offering me my job back if I want it - but honestly Im not sure that I do.
I still haven't heard from the pub I applied to - I called her on Saturday with the lame excuse of my phone has been playing up :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: she said she had a couple more interviews to do and she would be back in touch with me the beginning of this week.
The paper application for the befriends role came through via the post - it has to be handwritten only. No CVs or covering letters. My handwriting looks as if a baby ant just found itself covered in ink so Ive already asked OH nicely if he can fill it out for me :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: