Time to grow up.

KxMx

Hi Megano, why not be honest with her and see what she says?

It can be one step forward, two steps back sometimes.

Perhaps it's worth looking again at your budgets and being a bit stricter about spending less and repaying more debt. We all get a little slack after awhile I think!

Use your annoyance and disappointment at not getting debt free before Christmas and put it to good use is keep on paying off all debt.

Megano

KxMx wrote: »

Hi Megano, why not be honest with her and see what she says?

I know deep down I should but Im just worried I'll disappoint her, plus Im thinking it might take a while longer but Im kinda looking forward to getting myself out of this "mess" and moving forward but I know what you mean about us all getting a little relaxed after a while before it was I'll walk here, and I'll do this and that but now its "oh its cold outside so I'll jump in a cab" "oh I fancy a new hat"
I think I just need to give myself a good shake. Admit where I went wrong, dust myself off and start again

Megano

:mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:
So I've worked out all my totals and I just realised Im pretty much back at square 1 in terms of the monetary amount I owe in fact I may even go so far to say I'm on square -1 as when you take into account fees and stuff the amount now is more than what I owed before.
I guess the only silver lining I have is that 2/3rds is interest free (so I know where I need to be throwing all my extra efforts)
With Christmas coming up I realised the C1 card was creeping up again with "oh its not a big amount" purchases so I've cut up all the "spare" cards and leaving the C1 card in OH's car for emergencies only.
I guess the other silver lining is we've been here before, so I know I can do it. Its a case of not getting taxis, taking stuff into work for lunch and knuckling down. I've been so close what once, twice, three times this year? So I defo know I can smash that finish line this time, plus with the extra money from W2,3,4 I honestly believe I can make at least an extra £300 payment to the loan a month so Im quietly confident.
Plan of action take out the loan first (moving any spare change to the C1 card), move onto C1 - take that out then BOM and then start picking off the remaining CC's.
Im going to say something that a lot of folk won't agree with (and thats okay - we're a community this isn't a dictatorship diary)
my aunts inhertance Im not going to use that to pay off my debts - I'm going to put that towards the Florida fund (remember how I said I was using my bonus for the Florida fund? Well I got a little too payment happy and ended up using it to pay off debts - mainly the loan)
I'm having a love-hate relationship with the bookies its either spotless when I walk in in which case i dust for the sake of it and walk away again or it looks like the bathroom scene from transpotting. I just didnt know how much of an impact working everyday would be (lets face it I use to work everyday before but at different places) Im thinking once the "big 3 - loan, C1 and BOM" are cleared then I might give it up.

In other news I got well and truly screwed over by a "mate - now formally known as her" - in the summer we went to see Biffy at the summer sessions at Bellahouston park and they announced they were doing a tour at the Hydro in November.
I said I would get OH, I, Bestie and "her" a ticket and she could give me the money back. No problem she said until she lost her job (we use to work together) so I was like thats awful but lets see what we can do so I went on every hiring website I could think of forwarding all the details to her, offered to look over her CV - you know being a mate stuff.
Anyway the concert was on Tuesday (now because of ticket resellers the hydro are trying paperless concerts where you go in with your bank card and ID but if you bought more than 1 *like I had everyone would need to go in together*
So she texts me at 7pm - whats the plan? I said we would hook up at 8.20 as the concert was set to start at 8.45 and that would give us plenty of times to grab something to eat and make our way to our seats.
8.20 comes no sign of her
8.30 still no sign
8.40 still no sign. I'm trying to message her on Facebook, text, call. - nothing, nada its like she disappeared off the face of the earth.
8.43 still nothing so I said to OH and Bestie on you guys go I'll see you up there when she comes.
9.00 nothing - Im thinking maybe her train is running really late
9.15 I get this message (copied and pasted from Facebook) "I had to go meet Reece (*side note - who?!?!?!?!?!) he was by himself (((( and thats the last I heard of her
So not only am I now 40 quid down but I missed half of the concert waiting around on her when she was already in the f**king venue with someone else! Plus if she had just told me sooner I would have sold the ticket to someone, or I would have found someone else to take it.
I sent her a message but amazingly she's not got back in touch with me and its really annoying because she was meant to help me with my hair (currently half orange and pink due to a hairdresser promotion - but the promotion is now over and they want at least £160 for the upkeep! :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:)
All Im needing is someone to peroxide my hair so I can buy a paint pot of hair dye for like 3 pound and redo it but every time I ask someone its as if Im asking for miracles to be done.

Anyway.....
I took the plunge and told my mum about everything - to say she was upset would be the understatement of the century but I explained I wasn't looking for a bail out just to make her aware and she seemed to be a bit more happier and agreed to keep my Florida fund safe to make sure I don't go repayment happy again.

Willowpop

Megano!
Glad you're updating again here.

Right, so it's 1st December...new start. You CAN do this, you just need to stay focussed. Make a spreadsheet so you can see the payments making a difference...sit down and work out if you pay xx each month what your debt free date will be. Stick it to the fridge, or put it in your diary - somewhere you can see it daily to keep you on track.

Stop spending....you have Xmas coming up, don't buy that new hat or whatever you want this week - ask for it for xmas.

You can do this!!:)

Megano

As I said last month I told my mum about the bank loan I took out and as angry as she was she decided it would be better for me to owe her money and not pay interest than me owing the bank.
In the long shot the loan and the C1 card are cleared - the balance of what I owe the BOM is up but I'm still certain I will be rid of the balance before Dec 17 (I know what Im like once I have a goal Im like a dog with a bone)
As a result of the BOM fund it was also freed up enough of the budget for me to give up W3 and 4 but Im really not to sure about it so I was hoping for some advice


Pros of keeping both (W3 + 4) - More money which means everything is paid off quicker
Cons - It would mean working 7 days a week.
No long lie in, no late nights.
Pros of getting rid of both - more time to myself
Able to work more shifts at W2
Long lies, late nights. (your going to notice a pattern)
Not having to travel after work
Cons - It will take longer to clear balances off
No security blanket funds which will mean every penny will be a prisioner - not that Im throwing money away just now (okay maybe ok taxis but at the same time I havnt got every penny under lock and key)
Pros of keeping W4 (only) - paid fortnightly
Close to home (10 minutes walk)
Cons - Its everyday and can only be done after 10.30pm or before 8am which means early mornings
Pros of W3 (only) - Key holder position
Getting paid monthly
Can have days off (as office needs to be done Mon, Wed and "before Mon"
Cons - travelling to work (20 minute bus journey) after work
Not being able to work as many NHS shifts (maybe without the NHS job I could work an extra 2 - 4 per month)
Find the cup (it does my f**king tits in - put the cup on the tray so I can take it downstairs, not the stairs itself, not on a shelf on the f**king tray!)
If you have been reading my diary you'll know when it comes to choices I go backwards and forwards. If you havnt then Hi! Im Megano and I can tell you the best and the worst of every situation possible and still not be able to say which choice is best.

Megano

It's been an eyeopener of a couple of days - Im not sure if Ive ever written it down but I suffer from OCD (well "Pure O" - which I think is the most stupidest name for an illness ever. Which is basically like OCD without the compulsions)

Well after 6 years together Im being discharged from my Doctor and to be honest Im really excited but also very very nervous. Like I wasn't seeing her everyday but in my head it was like "you can't get sick again - if you have XYZ" and it turns out my Doctor was X. It turns out the part time jobs are Y and Z. I was doing them purely because I didnt want free time and in my head Im not worthy of having a hobby like netball or zumba. To be honest being in debt allowed me to bury my head in the sand and be like ITS FINE GUYS IM CLEARING MY DEBT !!! or ITS FINE IM SAVING FOR A HOUSE!!! But since BOM cleared off the loan and C1 card Im trying to suck it up and give up W3 or 4.
I just have this feeling - kinda like a knot in my tummy that by getting rid of the 2 jobs something will happen but Ive no idea what or when but I just know it will be something. I know deep deep down its just my OCD trying to cling to the security blanket compulsion but my head is like "but Megano what if......""what if......"
I just either W3 or W4 to text me and be like "don't go!""we need you" - and I could justify keeping them on. I would be like "look OH they NEED me - I'm not doing it because of my OCD!"

God I never thought getting a bail out would cause this much headache.

Florence_J

Hi Megano, I'm sorry to learn about this. My sister has Pure O, but I won't pretend to understand it or know all about it because I don't.

What I will say is I can appreciate how you feel about being scared if you pay off the debt or if the debt becomes less 'all consuming' then something might happen. I feel a bit like that. I suffer from anxiety mainly around social areas-so for instance I hate talking to people on the phone, if a stranger talks to me in the street I freak out (even if it's something simple like 'Do you know where X is?) and I haven't seen most of my friends at all this year as I am too anxious to see them or do anything without my OH present.

My debt has become my focus, but I wonder if it has become my excuse as well. It's very easy for me to say 'I can't afford to go out with my friends' rather than face the truth that going out with them scares me. I love my friends, obviously I want to see them, but I get scared. When my friends do invite me out I get it into my head that they have only invited me out of pity and they don't really want me there and would be secretly pleased if I don't go out with them.

I am seeing my doctor on Monday because she wants to do a medication review with me. I am on a pretty hefty dose of anti depressants as well as an anti psychotic. I don't know whether it is a combination of them or other outside factors but aside from my social anxieties (which to be honest I've always had to a certain degree) I am actually the happiest I have been-Ever.
I am scared my Doctor will want to take me off the medication I am currently on as it is a big scary drug, but I really want to remain on it as I think I have found something that is working.

I still have problems, which do need addressing quite urgently, but I also have a lot going for me mental health wise.

I don't know what to say or what to advise or what to suggest, but I can understand what it's like to feel that you have the safety nets in place that will prevent things getting worse. I can understand how worrying it is to think you might lose them.

I hope things work out however they end up.

x

Megano

So I've signed up for the debt free challenge again with my figure of £5338.09!

Ive put my figures into snowballing and it seems I should be debt free before November!

Megano

Merry Christmas Everyone!

I wish I could say that I could say I had a belter of one. Something that would make The Waltons green with envy but unfortunately this is real life and not a TV show.
It started off so well OH and I swapped gifts - I got some cool stuff. He liked his and just when we were about to head down to the PIL my mum called and asked if I could FaceTime her when FLP was about to open his gift she brought.
No worries.
We pick up BIL and FLP from his flat and drive round to PIL house.
FLP was getting stuck right in to opening all his gifts (after all he's 3 now) and i try and call mum - no answer. BIL hands FLP the gift she brought he rips it open and thats when mum calls back.
I told her she had literally just missed it by a couple of seconds and that when it starts.
"Im nothing but a selfish !!!!! of a daughter who needs to realise that Christmas is everywhere" it then moves on to her messaging OH saying "at least Im not an alcoholic or a smacked" (referring to his mum and brother"
A few hours pass then out of the blue its "I want my money back. I'm keeping the £450 you saved for Florida" OH was going mental at this point saying I'll lend you the money and you can pay me back so she's out of our lives.
Then I get messages "At least I know what its like to be a parent its something you never will" (I can have kids but Im picking adoption due to my genetic hereditary disability) - which I thought was a low blow and then at 11 o'clock her boyfriend calls us up and says she is going to the police and the social services to get FLP put into care.

She's famous for going in these moods and then a few days later calling up as if nothing has been said or done (she's a expert at putting things under the rug) but she's really crossed a thick line this time and even though she is my mum and she's bailed me out I don't feel like I'll ever be able to forgive her. Its weird I feel like Im mouring a parent who's still alive but who's now totally gone from my life.
Ive always made excuses for her "she had me when she was young""she was on her own" the truth is she never really liked me anyway regardless of what I did in life it would never be focusing on the good i should have done it quicker or better or her good old fail safe was "yeah your better now but remember when......"

Anyway now that she has taken my holiday money (she's welcome to it) it means I only have £2220 to pay OH.

Florence_J

I'm sorry Megano. I hope 2017 is kinder to you.