Single adults with no kids - what do you do at Christmas?

tea_lover

VfM4meplse wrote: »

This is not really about Christmas, is it? It's about dissatisfaction with your life atm. If that's the case take the day out to do some personal development and think not only about what you want in 2016, but specifically how you're going to achieve it.

I think this is very true. I'll be doing exactly the same this Christmas as I did last year (and pretty much every other year of my life). Last year I was dreading it, this year I'm really excited. The difference is that I've finally made some of the changes to my life that have been getting me down for years. I've changed jobs, and the biggest thing is that I ended a ten-yr relationship that was a huge emotional drain.

Last year I spent most of December trying to get my ex to at least discuss Christmas (or anything else, for that matter). I knew that he'd go to my parents on Christmas day as usual, be happy to take the food and gifts they offered then sit there on his phone, with a face like a slapped @rse and not speak to anyone. I felt like Christmas day, and the whole "end of the year, review of your life" feel of that time of year just highlighted all the things I wasn't happy with.

My plan for last Christmas was to focus on this Christmas, mad as that sounds. I gave myself a year to stop wussing out and make the changes I'd been promising for ages. Things are far from perfect still, of course, but they're better. I'm now looking forward to a lovely family Christmas, as family isn't just partner and children. I'll go to church (I go anyway, so Christmas is really special for me), we'll eat turkey, we'll eat too much other stuff, we'll play scrabble and all get beaten by a 13yr old, we'll remember the people who aren't with us anymore (lost my last grandparent this year).... and I'll enjoy not having to worry about and pander to some overgrown man-child with no social skills.

So that was a really long-winded way of saying enjoy being single - because if you do find yourself with a partner and kids another year you'll probably be dragged to someone else's parents' anyway.

pigpen

worried_jim wrote: »

And whatever you do don't get a cat! That will be the kiss of death of you ever meeting a man.

I have 6 cats and still captured a man.. it can be done lol... we actually started talking because of a cat!

And would people refrain from 'make the most of your parents being alive/I wish I could spend time with mine'... you are very lucky some people have crappy, abusive or just plain nasty parents they cannot wait to see the back of.. be careful. These people would gladly swap with you any day!

Person_one

pigpen wrote: »

I have 6 cats and still captured a man.. it can be done lol... we actually started talking because of a cat!

And would people refrain from 'make the most of your parents being alive/I wish I could spend time with mine'... you are very lucky some people have crappy, abusive or just plain nasty parents they cannot wait to see the back of.. be careful. These people would gladly swap with you any day!

I'd usually agree with you, but the OP doesn't have abusive parents, she gets on well with them, so the comments are OK here I think.

sulkisu

going_nowhere_fast wrote: »

I'm a single parent to one child and we spend Christmas alone just the two of us. My siblings go to in laws and we are never invited. My parents passed away. Friends are all married with children and either visiting or hosting their parents - they do not invite us either. After a lovely day with my child I spend the evening alone with wine and a mountain of chocolate to keep me company while I watch the usual repeats which make up Christmas telly.

I enjoy the day but feel sad with the constant pressure from adverts, films, and colleagues chatting about those really big family get together on Christmas day. I have experienced them and loved them but life changes, people die, marry, have their own families, move away. My Christmas day isn't bad, i have a lovely time with my LO playing with the new toys santa brought, but there is such a huge pressure about what Christmas should be. (And don't get me started on how inadequate I feel about not ordering a new sofa so I can have something new to sit on, on the big day! Those ads are so annoying.)

I have a concern that when my child is older they will feel sad at spending Christmas with just mum like you appear to feel.

Its easy for people to say see friends but often the reality is that people are too busy with their own family to consider friends. I also think some people would swap their busy day for a lazy quiet one. Like you said in an earlier post the grass is always greener...

If I was in your shoes I would be the opposite of MSE for a couple of days. Christmas day would involve a long bath and washing my hair, dinner and TV with your parents as normal, then new PJs, new dressing gown for the evening together with a good film and chocolate. Boxing day I would hit the sales just to be around people and not stuck at home. If you are watching your money I would do a lot of window shopping and treat myself to just one thing. Then tea with parents and a film with PJs again. Day after that life is back to normal again.

For what its worth I think your Christmas is very normal when there are no small children involved - most people spend the day eating and watching repeats on telly.

Thank you. I read your post and it struck a chord with me. OH's sister in law is a single mum and she always spends the day alone with her daughter because she 'wants to'. I usually go to my sister and her family. After reading your post I called my sister this morning to ask if she could accommodate two more - she said, of course. I called the SIL and asked if she would like to join us for the day, and she was so grateful it was heart-breaking. She told her daughter on the way to school and she just sent me a text saying her daughter is 'super excited'. I feel guilty that I hadn't thought to invite her in the past - I just assumed she was happy doing her own thing. If she had asked to join us, of course I would have said yes, my sister too.


I'm sure your son will have a lovely day with you, but I suppose the purpose of my post was to say that it might be worth asking your siblings if you and your son can join them, especially if there are other children his own age.
It is also to say to others who might know someone in your position, to consider extending an invitation if possible, don't assume (as I did) that it won't be welcomed or accepted.

Kermie

I think a lot of it is other peoples expectations. I'm single, without kids and my siblings and Mum have emigrated to Australia (I don't take it personally!) so I've spent quite a few Christmases on my own since then. I speak to my family on Skype on Christmas Eve, as my nieces open their presents on Christmas morning.
Then on Christmas day I do my own thing. I really love it! I'm one of those people who never just slob in front of the TV - I have a constant desire to be doing something productive. I watch TV while doing household chores, working in the evening (I'm a freelancer), but I very, very rarely just do nothing. Except at Christmas. At Christmas I completely indulge myself in doing whatever I like! I eat my favourite foods - non-traditional Christmas fare - if I fancy pancakes for lunch, I'll have them! Cheese is my biggest weakness so I buy some nice ones, make up a cheeseboard with fruit and nuts and nibble throughout Christmas and Boxing Day. I watch box sets or films I love or have been meaning to watch.
I always feel I have to justify it to people who say "Oh will you be OK on your own" as I know they don't really understand but I LOVE IT!
You have to make it what you want it to be. Find a balance between spending quality time with your parents and doing something that makes you happy.

onomatopoeia99

miss_independent wrote: »

What do you all do? And do you enjoy Christmas?

I'm 46, single, no children. Last year I stayed with my brother and his family for a few days and my parents came over for Christmas day. This year they are to his inlaws (grandchildren have to be shared around both sets of grandparents ), so my parents are coming to stay with me. Judging by the phone call I had with them yesterday, for over a week :eek:

ThemeOne

Kermie wrote: »

I always feel I have to justify it to people who say "Oh will you be OK on your own" as I know they don't really understand but I LOVE IT!

I can relate to that. I often make up some Christmas plans rather than saying I'll be on my own, in order to forestall unwanted invitations.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

Talking of adverts showing "perfect" Christmas celebrations, I've just realised I've never been to a Christmas party. I mean the type of party where everyone is in shiny new dresses, with special "make up to see you through the party season" as shown in women's magazines, eating fancy canapes in rooms with immaculately co-ordinated decorations. I've only ever been to an office do, in office clothes, and draped some stolen tinsel on my head in a pub. Oh, and had festive leftovers at my Nan's on Boxing Day. Where are these amazing, glittering parties and why haven't I been invited?!

tea_lover

Out,_Vile_Jelly wrote: »

Talking of adverts showing "perfect" Christmas celebrations, I've just realised I've never been to a Christmas party. I mean the type of party where everyone is in shiny new dresses, with special "make up to see you through the party season" as shown in women's magazines, eating fancy canapes in rooms with immaculately co-ordinated decorations. I've only ever been to an office do, in office clothes, and draped some stolen tinsel on my head in a pub. Oh, and had festive leftovers at my Nan's on Boxing Day. Where are these amazing, glittering parties and why haven't I been invited?!

The type of party where Peter Andre is handing out Iceland food? Nor me :rotfl:.