Off work- Don't know what to do.

AfterAllThisTimeAlways

I think you're right pmlindyloo. As much as I hate the job, sometimes responsbilities mean you just have to grin & bear it. I was even thinking of coming up with a longer term plan...i.e. we are getting married in December next year, so realistically I need to keep earning until then. If I then thought about aiming to back to uni in September 2017, that would give me a further 9 months after the wedding to save up for the change. It means just short of another 2 years in the call centre, but maybe with a light at the end of the tunnel..

indsty

Some good advice has already been given. About the meeting at work on the Monday before your sick line is up .... This is probably (I hope) a good thing as it means you can hopefully explain your present stress (no need to go into great detail, just say it had built up due to family events). Then what should happen is a discussion between you and the manager about how he can help you get back to work on the Wednesday and what adjustments might help make this easier for you, either in the short or long-term. Go in with specific ideas - e.g. regular shift/ alteration of duties / possible ways to advance your career (even if you don't really want to advance it in the call centre).

Then start making definite plans for getting out - if you can't manage Uni, how about Open University (you may get help with funding), or moving to a job anywhere that you would like better.

I know getting married is important - but could you postpone it if it is financially difficult? Best of luck - and leave your troublesome family to sort themselves out.

ricardinho88

AfterAllThisTimeAlways wrote: »

I think you're right pmlindyloo. As much as I hate the job, sometimes responsbilities mean you just have to grin & bear it. I was even thinking of coming up with a longer term plan...i.e. we are getting married in December next year, so realistically I need to keep earning until then. If I then thought about aiming to back to uni in September 2017, that would give me a further 9 months after the wedding to save up for the change. It means just short of another 2 years in the call centre, but maybe with a light at the end of the tunnel..

Sometimes you 'grin & bear' it for so long, it actually makes you ill. You will eventually need to think of yourself first and get a job you're happy with.

VfM4meplse

Flyonthewall wrote: »

I think the best thing to do would be to write a list with two columns. In the first column what you want to change and in the second column what you can do to change it.

I would add, list all your problems. Identify those you can't change and park them.

Then prioritise the remaining, in order of importance.

PlymouthMaid

I am not surprised it has all come to a head and beaten you down. I think you need to file your Dad in a mental box and not reopen it. It is a real shame all this kicked off as you started uni but that has happened. You must still be pretty young do definitely not too late to retrain although money is the biggest problem. Could you get a lodger to aid the budget a bit? Are you close enough to a uni to stay where you are and retrain?

I think pros and cons list would help you focus a bit. Try to tolerate the horrible job whilst you put plans into motion. If you do not retrain I think you will always regret it and feel as if you have not reached your potential.

Mum is an ongoing problem but you can only do so much before your own life is affected. She is an adult so signpost her to help where necessary but you know that you can only lead a horse to water not make it drink as they say. Dont give her money - that is not your job and it sounds as though she does not use it wisely.

Otherwise, relax a little, think about where you want to be in 1 year and 5 years and start taking those steps to your goals.

sofarbehind

Oh you poor thing, you really have had a very tough time. I think this has all built up because of your difficult family background. You must spend the next two weeks being kind to yourself. You need some looking after. Don't punish yourself with the gym, just try to have a daily walk. Get plenty of rest, take some long baths, pamper yourself, eat well and watch some favourite TV. Look after you, you really need it.


I think the counselling is a very good idea. I would approach the work meeting by explaining that personal problems have made it difficult for you, purely because you may need the job for a while and your manager sounds useless. You need some time to get better before you can address the things you need to change. You will get better and you will get out of that job. Don't push yourself to do it all at once though, get yourself into a better mental state first. You're obviously not accustomed to putting yourself first so it will be tough. I think you've shown a lot of resilience and have overcome a lot so you will get out of the call centre.


Take care.

gilly1964

I too work in a bank and have depression to the point I was signed off for almost three months last year.

It seemed anything and everything was getting on top of me. I used to leave the office and sob my heart out and was always home late as I then used to spend time composing myself for the drive home.

One morning I got ready for work and even got in the car when I decided I had to do something so I called in sick. I had a week off and went back to work but knew I was not right.

I had spent so long hiding how I felt that eventually I had a full on breakdown in the lift when one of the Directors spoke to me. Fortunately for me she took control and arranged for me to go home.

I went straight to the Doctors, my BP was through the roof and I could not stop sobbing. I did not go back to work for weeks.

I arranged counselling through work, I kept in constant discussions with my boss, the HR department and my GP. I had a phased return to work, initially only 2 hours per day building up to full hours over several weeks.

The counselling helped me to identify all my fears and resentment whilst growing up were unfounded. Just because Mum had died at 51, it did not mean I was going to. Not being able to go to Uni was not Dad's fault, it was me that had made the choice to give it up as we did not have the money to fund it..

This part from your post sticks in my mind as it is how I felt and even now occasionally do
This all sounds so pathetic, I feel so guilty as I know people have much worse problems than I do. I should just be grateful I have a job, a house, a car and a fianc!. But I just can’t help feeling so down all the time and just exhausted.


If I was to give you any advice it would be

Go back to your GP and explain everything as you have in your post
Ask the GP about counselling options
Ask your HR department what help is available to you
Are you in a union, if so seek their advice about the meeting called for next Monday

Sleep, for as long as you need
If you need to scream, shout, cry whatever it takes to get it all out
Make sure you eat well, the good things not the rubbish
Drink plenty of water
Spend time doing things for you, even a walk round the block
Speak to your fianc!, try to explain how you are feeling and what you need him to do to help you and what you hope to do to help yourself

Best wishes for the future, your future

belfastgirl23

Excellent advice from Gilly above. I echo everything she says!

Beyond this, I have a sense that you are overwhelmed by problems. I'd say pick one thing that you have control over and try to do something about it, even if it's something small. I lost a good bit of weight a few years ago using a CBT approach through this book http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Beck-Diet-Solution-person/dp/1845298268 I found it really helpful, not just for losing weight but for reframing how to think about problems by breaking them down into small and manageable chunks and doing the bits that I could to address them. There is something very empowering about taking control over chaos, even if it's just one small bit of the chaos. My feeling from what you are saying is that you are feeling powerless - with your mum, your diet, your work. Your fiance having a wobble was probably a sort of last straw if this was the one area of your life that you were feeling was roughly in balance. Taking control of one little bit might just be the catalyst that brings you to a new place.

Don't dismiss what you're feeling - yes there are worse things in the world of course but you are entitled to be you and to feel what you feel. And you're entitled to seek help.

Good luck and keep posting here if it helps, sometimes letting it all out to strangers can weirdly make things easier.

theoretica

While you are seeing your doctor you might want to discuss if you could have something physical going on too. Plenty of common things from anaemia to food intolerance can have depression as a symptom and are worth ruling out. If your body is dealing with anything that it a bit out you will have less reserves to deal with the mental side of things. So it is worth eating good quality nutritious food too.

System

Op you have my sympathy, i worked in a call centre before my mental breakdown (which was mostly triggered by the stress, the irregular hours and the customer abuse, and underlying MH problems), please don't get to the point i did before talking to work and getting help from your GP. I ended up trying to kill myself and lost my job as a result (lets just say they weren't the most understanding company to work for)

You;ve had some very good advice. In terms of how you're feeling mentally i'd echo what has been said and go back to your GP to see what options you have, most do offer IAPT (Improving Access To Psychological Therapies) counselling/CBT services so it might be worth asking for a referall, at least then you're in the system and you'll have an idea of if you'll be ok with that or need to take the private therapy route. Secondly, do you feel your meds are working? Sometimes over time they can lose effectiveness and a tweaking of dosage or trying other meds may be needed. Thirdly if you're weight is an issue for you its worth asking your GP about the GP referal scheme, it means you can access either free or discounted exercise and gym for i think 12 weeks (i've used it before, i did swimming zumba and gym).

In terms of work, for your meeting try to write down what you think will help. If you need more regular shift patterns, ask for them. if you need to have a phased return, ask for it. The worst they can say is no, but if they value you as an employer and want you to get better and back to work its something they should give consideration to. It may also be worth discussing these things with your GP as they can do a fit note recommending these things (i currently have a long term one saying i can;t do early shifts or shifts longer than 8 hours).If you're a member of the union, ask them for advice, if not i'd consider joining though some make you wait before you can use their services (and im not sure some take on issues predating membership), failing that ACAS can offer employment advice.